Auto-Censoring DVD Player

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Posted by michael on Friday April 9, 2004 @12:46AM from the naughty-bits dept.

Gogl writes "Those clever folks at RCA have apparently designed a DVD player that automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher, as it were. That means none of the naughty bits and none of those bad words either. It will be sold by Walmart for the price of $79, and what with the recent Janet Jackson 'wardrobe malfunction' this product will likely be lauded by the FCC and moralists everywhere, though Hollywood is already complaining."

17 of 1,061 comments (clear)

I want by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-09 00:47 · Score: 5, Funny

I want b00bies!
Damn those dumb people, why are they taking the b00bies away from me???
What, are these corporations my MOTHER or something now??
1. Re:I want by R.Caley · 2004-04-09 01:57 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Except the creators of the movie, who find their work has been bowdlerised without their permission.
  They must be really pissed off when I skip the boring bits then.
  Not to mention all those bastards who blink during viewing!
  
  --
  _O_ .|< The named which can be named is not the true named
Damn it! by Doomrat · 2004-04-09 00:48 · Score: 5, Funny

Stupid thing... it's censoring all of my cookery instruction DVDs. It's blocked out an apple and banana, both of the melons, and a saveloy.
As an American... by bcolflesh · 2004-04-09 00:48 · Score: 4, Funny

I pray to almighty Jesus that all the gun-fighting and blood spray will be unaffected.
1. Re:As an American... by argStyopa · 2004-04-09 01:41 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  As a visitor to Europe, I am flabbergasted by how crass the TV output is. Apparantly it's okay to show graphic sex acts but guns and violence are out. Even the crazy channels like RTL put out sex-packed junk like Wa(h)re Liebe.
  
  What kind of fucked up system is that?
  
  --
  -Styopa
2. Re:As an American... by AragornSonOfArathorn · 2004-04-09 02:52 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I dunno about you, but I prefer to spend the day shooting and killing people WHILE making love and having sex!
  
  ;-)
  
  --
  sudo eat my shorts
Now... by Knight+Thrasher · 2004-04-09 00:49 · Score: 5, Funny

I just KNOW there's going to be a hack out for it soon, that will enable to user to reverse the process and skip to just the naughty bits and swear words. =)
Can i get one that does the opposite? by Unknown+Poltroon · 2004-04-09 00:50 · Score: 4, Funny

Filters out the boring crap and goes straight for the neekidness and cussing?

--
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
great.. by patrick.whitlock · 2004-04-09 00:51 · Score: 3, Funny

now all my porn's gonna be more broke up than eminem on cable..
Kosher? by verloren · 2004-04-09 00:53 · Score: 5, Funny

"automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher"

Time to throw out my copy of Babe: Pig in the City.

Actually, it was time to do that years ago...
Where'd my movie go? by RobinH · 2004-04-09 00:55 · Score: 5, Funny

I put a copy of Pulp Fiction into this thing, and all I got out were 13 seconds of credits! Where did my movie go???

--
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
Dear RCA... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-09 01:02 · Score: 3, Funny

I would appreciate a version that can remove all scenes with Ben Afflick in them.

Sincerely,
J. Lo.
Reminds me... by Professeur+Shadoko · 2004-04-09 01:02 · Score: 3, Funny

Back in school, 10 or 15 years ago, I had just begun learning english.. and the english teacher showed us this movie, hiding subtitles.

Of course at the end I had NO IDEA of what really happened in the movie. Who the characters were, etc...

But I knew ONE thing for SURE : the f-word is the most important word in the american (maybe not english) language ;-)
what the (pretty butterflies) is this? by circletimessquare · 2004-04-09 01:03 · Score: 5, Funny

this is the stupidest (happy mountains) i have ever heard of in my whole (dancing kittens) life

what (singing birds) thought this (rolling hills) up?

if you don't like the (grazing deer) movie, don't watch the (blooming flowers) movie!

cutting it up into sanitized (falling rain) pieces is akin to giving yourself a (bubbling brooks) frontal lobotomy

i just don't understand the (belching volcanoes) censorial instincts of some pinheaded (churning lava)

--
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
That won't be necessary.. by dr_dank · 2004-04-09 01:09 · Score: 4, Funny

a DVD player that automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher

I only buy movies prepared under rabbinical supervision.

--
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
How about a Tyler Durden version? by Rai · 2004-04-09 02:00 · Score: 4, Funny

One that auto-inserts naughty clips into movies.

You and the Mrs are watching Armageddon and boom! Liv Tyler boobies.
Prom night by vwjeff · 2004-04-09 02:36 · Score: 5, Funny

10 years later, poor Johnny gets confused on prom night because he is greeted with big pink round things instead of black squares that he's grown up on.

If Johnny is the average /. reader he will never have to worry about prom night.