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"Real" Real Time Strategy?

Posted by CowboyNeal on from the zergling-rush dept.

Mr. Fluffyhead writes "This hardcore RTS gamer's rather thoughtful wish list asks the question, if somebody made a 'real' war sim, would anyone want to play it?" From the fake Newsweek cover story about the "Ultralisk Rape Scandal" to Mr. Wong's yearning to break the Geneva Convention in pixel form, this one's a humourous yet realistic look at real time war games.

4 of 166 comments (clear)

  1. Real Real Time? by Vargasan · · Score: 4, Funny

    I don't know about everyone else, but I don't want to play a game that takes 5 - 8 real-time months to build a barracks. Might lose it's feel.

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  2. Re:It has to be said... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Bush isn't stupid

    Surely you would agree that such a strong statement requires some sort of proof? All evidence thus far has been to the contrary. Please feel free to point out any evidence I have overlooked.

  3. I see better option . . . by Nomihn0 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Why emulate the world when you can be an active participant in the real thing? Sure, this functions as a political statement (and a good one at that). But I don't need to see the world in a videogame to be able to laugh at its irony.

    In the article, Wong says "I want an RTS game that will give me a stress headache after an hour and an ulcer after a week."
    Why bother with a game when you can easily get this from watching any fine news station. You'd even get a bonus shot of ignorance for watching Faux News! For blood-loss, watch Al Jazeera! For contrast watch CNN Headline News (the only station on which body pyramids are followed by what dress Troy McClure's husband wore to the Oscars).

    If you're really angling for some pain, you can even try to participate in the political arena itself at either the Democratic or Republican National Conventions!

  4. Forgotten feature by Wubby · · Score: 2, Funny

    He forgot the '"Info-tru" Generator' that can be used to update the information being disseminated through the news media (which have the "CIA Influence" option set to true).

    This of course has the default settings of "Constantly Change" and "Optimize on Personal Agenda".

    And don't forget to select the "Blame the victim" option, so that when poor civilians get thier heads cut off by religious psychos, you can defame their families without having to reset your "Look like I actually care" level.

    Good news! Chocolate rations are UP!

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