Slashdot Mirror
Spam as Poetry
ayahner writes "My spam filter receives about 500/wk, and within those frisky messages, among the pulp and porn, comes some pretty daring poetry. So instead of simply removing the spam, I have decided to peruse my spam library and use the best to spur my creative energies. Do any /. members have their own favorites? I have compiled a few of my own, and expect to add many more over the next few weeks as a creativity exercise. All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification. Some of them are nonsense. Others are real text of spam, delivering their message. When combined, they tend to form semi-articulate sentences. I see a virtual e.e. cummings here, an occasional Shakespeare there."
I actually got a message title "HOT E.E. CUMMINGS POETRY ACTION!" That one took me by suprise.
My spam filter [gets] 500 a week,
and within those frisky messages,
I have compiled a few of my own... to
form semi-articulate sentences.
the spammers have succeeded in....oh wait.
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my credit and consolidateth my debts,
For as little as $1,750,
If I act now.
http://www.sixsixfive.com/87.html
Unknown host pong.
If you're not careful, some of these spammers might try to sue you for copyright infringement!
main(){char I,l,O[]={'-',1-1,0,(1<<5)-1,0+'-',-10-1,-10,11-0,
I expect universities to start issuing degrees in English with a Spam option now.
I won't settle for anything less.
There was a young man from Alabama ...waits for applause... not a sausage :-(
Who had attrocious grammar
His poetry stunk
So he did a bunk
And works in Florida as a spamer.
In the title, "What makes a sock a diabetic sock?"
Uhh, diabetes?
Have you been recieving spam from Vogon.com? That is some bad poetry. kvn
Increase your penis Your mate deserves more from you Viagra for less!
There's a Starman, waiting in the sky / He'd like to come and meet us, but he hasn't got the time.
I created a little humour piece on penis enlargement ads as my match.com video. Of course they never posted it - I fear it violated their guidelines, which is a pity since I think a lot of people would have gotten a laugh out of it.
:-).
:-)
Here it is, all 9mb of it.
(Warning: No X-rated content - just a joke. You have been warned).
It took me two hours, concept to completion, which just goes to show that sometimes it's nice to have a Canon XL1 and Final Cut Pro lying around ready to use
Hope you enjoy
D
In Soviet Russia, penises enlarge you!
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
All I ever got was a longer, wider penis.
Here's one I've been saving, just because it's rather amusing. As a whole, it doesn't make sense, but the mental images are fun.
From: "Roxanne Tate"
Subject: this site helped me save money Fr0c
Most shadows believe that satellite defined by pee on particle accelerator around. Any mating ritual can recognize cyprus mulch behind marzipan, but it takes a real bubble to light bulb of judge. If apartment building toward boogie near briar patch, then piroshki beyond reads a magazine. Most impresarios believe that gypsy around fetishist secretly admire cream puff related to reactor.Whenyou see paycheck defined by fighter pilot, it means that shadow inside diskette feels nagging remorse.piroshki remain resplendent.
/ \
\ / ASCII ribbon campaign for peace
x
/ \
You just killed 1337. Gee, thanks.
Haiku poems from spam? Yes indeed! Behold:
enlarge penis now
low cost mortgage not resist
from Nigeria
On second thought, no. That was really stupid.
"An Ode To Spam"
by Irwin
I quiver at an early hour
Awash in electron aura:
Debating life and Godly power,
Staring at Eudora.
What is all my mail worth?
Do I risk my mind?
What if spam should issue forth,
And leave my soul behind?
And thus beside this stream of life,
From whence my mail is plucked.
I decide within my inner strife,
That spammers should be...
I can't find the link to the original comic but it's on Page 22 of "Evil Geniuses In A Nutshell"
*** Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
Delirious B. Lunchtime
I'd be a little more suspicious of that one if it was "Delicious B. Lunchtime."
In search of rhyme I spam peruse,
With stalling breath I moan in Bayes.
I've heard of life. But of such ruse
No proof I've seen in all my days.
If you open yourself to the foo, You and foo become one.
I got a spam the other day that was written in German, more or less. I ran it through babelfish and got the following amusing blank verse. You gotta love "rat-sharp Girls in the wildest floats." It has such a lovely rhythm.
Geile, lsterne virgins with those
it itches so correctly.
They want you,
it need it.
Heie galleries and sharp picture series.
The geilsten photographs of
willing and rat-sharp Girls
in the wildest floats.
You want the heiesten Teeniesex?
Then schau equivalent purely,
because the whole groe selection
stands for you to the Verfgung.
All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification.
Wow, plagiarizing spam, that's a new low. ;o)
Yeah, it's a joke, but got me thinking...if I got caught plagiarizing spam, that would be the worst punishment they could dish out.
"Pssst, look, there goes the guy that plagiarized spam."
I think I would kill myself.Have you ever listened to a Skinny Puppy *fingerquote* song *fingerquote*?
Here's a few examples:
Harsh Stone White
harsh stone white eyes behold bruise baths soak crying bones every
days appeal to stop spirit calm on valium hate permeates and fills the air
icy clouds the atmosphere illusions pull hair no reaction how was
this done it exists by extraction of reason drooling drips the bile
of sanity through the thought lines vomiting were even the clock wailed
and sped past two tic tic toc in time in the real understanding myself thinking
stand back unafraid and unaffected stand back non molested were
even down down down again down here in the cracks face hidden cracks
harsh stone white even were even
Worlock
binge cringe on the fringe sloppy mincing eyedropping biopsy cyclops overlooks
optic options rotton showstopper skinpopper babbler dabbler
self confessed criminal tore pen in vain instant still spellbound game
stock talk back rock reencounter incident subsistance inexistant
non committed unwitted oblivious habitual resistor buff the stuff roughed
up edge fluent nudge pre-collect ignition motivation inexistant wasted
views thats all they see blue hot blood guild optic nerve with the right attitude
you will succed blue self abusive recluse too late for me make
shifting peace settling crazy things keep your eyes open soft spoken
changes nothing a view so cruel dogs body comatose torchlight roast
disinterest disinfect retold impressed by possession insiders know
refresh detained contest off and pure sure tonight it feeds itself
freeze in time or shadows climb distracting override instincts
evolve and try over and over wasted truth why call at all blue hot lines
eventual decline with the right attitude you will succed blue resent
that discontent sidestep define the state of things so far crazy
things a view so cruel
nero sang as rome burned
and hitler was an artist
but never have i ever learned
of which one was the smartest
infamy is what theyve earned
though for power they tried the hardest
and if by fortune they were spurned
one might wonder which was 'tardest
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Unlike other pretenders out there, our all natural herbal pills are guaranteed to add inches to your manhood. Don't wait. Supplies are limited. Order now.
"So big they'll call you Tripod!"
Table-ized A.I.
Enlarge your organ!
Add multiple stops! Up to 8' and more!
Improve your tone! Produce richer, fuller cadences!
No pills, no pumps! Uses existing bellows system.
All natural! Mean tone tempered in C major.
100% Money Back Guarantee!
Bach and Sons Organ Enlargement
Rated No. 1 Organ Enlargement Program On The Market!
I hereby place the above post in the public domain.
Ok, ignore what I said above, I found two previous /. articles:
You see that key next to the '=' key? Yeah, the one labeled "backspace". It comes in handy in these situations.
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
jazz kitten empire
aztec darwin
carcinogenic counterattack
saliva wolff
vita contagious
intensive granny
And Drumroll Please.....
malicious millions!
At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry..
I actually believe that this is how Mr. David Bowie wrote a few of his songs.
I find it's always useful, when the subject of Bowie-as-serious-artiste comes up, to recall the tour of 1990, when fans were invited to vote for the songs they wanted to hear performed live "for the last time". A movement began (with cheerleading from one of the music papers) to sway the voting massively in favour of "Laughing Gnome". The offical winner of the poll was never announced, as Bowie sheepishly dropped the whole voting idea.
Ironically, I believe Bowie has never performed Laughing Gnome since then, so some good at least came of this shabby incident.
This may not have anything to do with the original thingymabibby, but whatever...
Somebody gleaned my email off a site relating to my research I guess... because I've received several spam emails (surprisingly not more) in the past couple months offering me killer deals on silicon wafers, and coating supplies and other shit I really don't need.
Why the hell are they sending me this!!! Is there really someone out there sending spam for that crap, because really that just seems bizarre and a waste of time. How many nerds who would know what to do with those supplies are actually dumb enough to want to buy anything from these spammers!?
Argh!
Presently here, but not there.
The white flag? Is that the surrender key?
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
And these were followed by useless 'unsubscribe' links:
Of all, my faves are "Crazy Turmoil" and "Personally I Woohoooo It Is."
*****
Dear Mary,
I yearn for you tragically,
A.T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army.