John Deere American Farmer - The Game

Thanks to GameSpot for its story discussing the new release of agriculture-themed PC videogame John Deere American Farmer, "the first game to be licensed by agricultural equipment manufacturer Deere & Company", which "charges players with establishing and maintaining a successful farm." The official videogame site has much more information on this Harvest Moon-esque value-price PC title with a great box cover, noting the player must "overcome bug infestations, unpredictable weather and disgruntled employees", all the while "purchasing and controlling authentic John Deere branded equipment - tractors, combines, planters, cultivators and more."

Comments

john deer is the best game tsarkon reports

[Anonymous Coward]

9 steps to greasing your anus for Yoda Doll Insertion!
v 4.03.0
$YodaBSD: src/release/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/yodanotes/9steppro cess.sgml,v 4.03.0 2004/06/17 14:15:45 tsarkon Exp $

1. Defecate. Preferably after eating senna, ex lax, prunes, cabbage, pickled eggs, and Vietnamese chili garlic sauce. Defecation could be performed in the Return of the Jedi wastebasket for added pleasure.
2. Wipe ass with witch hazel, soothes horrific burns. (Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda can use witch-hazel on mouth to soothe the horrific burns from performing so much analingus.)
3. Prime anus with anal ease. (Now Cherry Flavored for those butthole lick-o-phillic amongst you - very popular with 99% of the Slashdotting public!)
4. Slather richly a considerable amount of Vaseline and/or other anal lubricants into your rectum at least until the bend and also take your Yoda Doll , Yoda Shampoo bottle or Yoda soap-on-a-rope and liberally apply the lubricants to the Doll/Shampoo/Soap-on-a-rope.
5. Pucker your balloon knot several times actuating the sphincter muscle in order to work it in.
6. Put a nigger do-rag on Yoda's head so the ears don't stick out like daggers!
7. Make sure to have a mechanism by which to fish Yoda out of your rectum, the soap on the rope is especially useful because the retrieval mechanism is built in.
8. Slowly rest yourself onto your Yoda figurine. Be careful, he's big!
9. Gyrate gleefully in your computer chair while your fat sexless geek nerd loser fat shit self enjoys the prostate massage you'll be getting. Think about snoodling with the Sarlaac pit. Read Slashdot. Masturbate to anime. Email one of the editors hoping they will honor you with a reply. Join several more dating services - this time, you don't check the (desired - speaks English) and (desired - literate). You figure you might get a chance then. Order some fucking crap from Think Geek. Get Linux to boot on a Black and Decker Appliance. Wish you could afford a new computer. Argue that IDE is better than SCSI because you can't afford SCSI. Make claims about how Linux rules. Compile a kernel on your 486SX. Claim to hate Windows but use it for Everquest. Admire Ghyslain's courage in making that wonderful star wars movie. Officially convert to the Jedi religion. Talk about how cool Mega Tokyo is. Try and make sure you do your regular 50 story submissions to Slashdot, all of which get rejected because people who aren't fatter than CowboyNeal can't submit. Fondle shrimpy penis while making a Yoda voice and saying, use the force, padawan, feeel the foooorce, hurgm. Yes. Yes. When 900 years you reach, a dick half as big you will not have.

All in a days work with a Yoda figurine rammed up your ass.

I HAVE A GREASED UP YODA DOLL SHOVED UP MY ASS!

GO LINUX!!

Tux is the result after trimming Yoda's ears off so that Lunix people don't rip themselves a new Asshole

my cat got hurt by jon deere tsarkon reports

[Anonymous Coward]

So I came home from work the other day to discover my cat mittens laying on the floor. His breathing was very shallow and his eyes were very glassy. When I approached him I noticed a belt tied around his arm and both a syringe and a bent spoon laying beside him. Despite all his promises to the contrary, my beloved Mittens has started shooting up smack again!

Fortunately the paramedics showed up quickly and gave him some naloxone which saved him. Unfortunately the problem of my cat being addicted to heroin still remains. Last week he sold my stereo and this weekend Mittens offered to perform oral sex on me in exchange for a hit.

I love my cat and want to see him off this horrible drug. Unfortunately he won't stop on his own! Mittens says he can quit anytime he wants to and becomes combative when I force the issue. I'm tired of seeing him throw his life away. He could've been a great mouser, one of the best before he got hooked.

Can anyone recommend a way to get my cat off heroin? It would be much appreciated.

Also, this must be said; I dont want to fuck my poor cat mittens. I love him dearly. IF he offered oral sex as a hit, and I would never compromise the sanctity and trust of our brotherly (non gay, non sexual) relationship! I thank youall for your genuine concern for the safety of my genitals with regard to animal contact with sandpapery cat tongues, I assure your that fornicating with animals is not on the repitoire!

Please, if you know how to help poor mittens get off the smack, please, for the love of god help. Its mittens darkest time, and I dont want this to turn out like that beefy rugby guy who died on junk in Trainspotting. I dont want me or mittens to swim in toilets either. Please, help!!