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Ghenghis Khan Descendants Eat For Free
pillageplunder writes "CNN has an article about a London restaurant that is offering diners the chance to see if they are descended from the great Khan (Genghis that is). If you are, then you get a free meal. The article delves a bit into bioarchaeology, with some pretty interesting tidbits of info."
But what they don't say is that at the next table are the decendants of the Tibetan kingdom and the Chin empire. And they are looking to settle the score!
Q. What is Calvin's monster snowman called? A. The Torment Of Existence Weighed Against The Horror of Non Being
Khhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!!!
1) Do you have a predilection for little fur hats?
2) Do you prefer axes to climbing roses on the door of your cottage?
3) Have you ever suffered of inexplicable but terrbly attractive visions of houses consumed by fire?
4) Have you ever felt your brain filled with a thousand hairy horsemen shouting at you?
If the answer is "yes" to all questions, you are a Genghis Khan descendant, unfortunately you are too busy lying in the mud to go to the pub -- pardon, restaurant.
All the way across London? Verily, these Mongolians have lost none of the nomadic spirit of their forefathers!
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
Once you get labeled "descendant" of any powerful ruler, I doubt you'll have to wait long until someone shows up at your front door demanding restitution.
free British food, hmmmm?
Obviously, it's a clever plot to *eradicate* the descendants of the Khan.
Ghenghis Khan and his immediate descendants did not savagely rape and pillage. They happened to set up one of the most civilised golden ages in history and invented the movable type press. Oh, you thought Gutenberg was The Man? No--he invented a mechanism for mass-producing books. The Mongols beat him to the basic press by decades and out of simple necessity!
The Mongols designed a written language which was capable of forming all the syllables of their subjugated nations.
Genghis was one of the first (and only) conquerors to allow his subjugated peoples to practice their own religions, spared and freed everyone who surrendered immediately, destroyed powerful nations (such as the Caliphate of what is now Iraq) as a result of barbarous behaviour visited upon his diplomats, was one of the only rulers ever to base promotion and reward *purely on merit* and not familial ties nor nobility, invented modern warfare and perfected siege technique, created tremendous surplus and prosperity and justice for all who lived inside the Mongol empire, and visited total destruction on all who refused to submit.
Genghis Khan and his successors conquered more people, more land, with fewer warriors and in less time than anyone else ever has in recorded history. Alexander the Great was a gnat by comparison. Attila the Hun, a nobody. The Roman Empire, a blemish on the ass-cheeks of one of Genghis' concubines. Hitler killed fewer people and conquered less land--even with those death-camps and all the Schlieffen plans he wanted to dream up. Stalin was a punk-ass backstabber rat.
Genghis could travel faster and further with 50,000 horse-mounted warriors, could defeat larger armies, and destroy or conquer countries better and with fewer Mongol casualties, than anyone else prior to or since.
The only nation that Genghis' descendents failed spectacularly in conquering was Japan, and that was only because a nasty storm whipped up and destroyed their invading ships every single time they tried to take the islands.
One of the more terrible things that came about from Genghis' subjugation of pretty much all of Asia and Europe was the Black Plague, the spread of which was facilitated by the active overland trade routes the Mongols built.
The Mongols prized engineers, craftsman, and skilled workers above *all* others because of their unique abilities.
The Mongols also forced advanced education on and provided health care and doctors to, their subjugated nations.
Say what you will about them, they were the impetus which dredged us inexorably towards modern civilisation, kicking and screaming, and without whom we probably wouldn't be as advanced socially and technologically as we are today.
Most of those savageries attributed to Genghis are simply lies: propaganda whipped up before the Mongols even arrived by jittery European scribes who bought into the pre-invasion panic the Mongols liked to sow.