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Can DVDs Kill DVD Players?
aidanpryde asks: "In the weirdest situation I've ever seen. My DVD player died on Saturday while watching the episodes of a favorite sci-fi series. I was watching disk 5 with my wife and noticed that it was getting jumpy. I took the disk out to see if it was dirty or scratched, but seeing nothing, we put the disk back in. Now the DVD player won't read anything, not the Season 5 disk, none of our other disks...nothing! So, we take the DVD player as a loss. Hardware failure happen all of the time, right? So I go downstairs with my wife on another day and try it on her DVD player in her computer. We get through one episode of the disk and it starts to jump again. We take it out, try another disk and sure enough -- nothing works. Has anyone ever run into DVD's that kill DVD players? Is there any way that I can get compensation for my dead DVD players? Is there any ideas as to why this has happened. Can I download firmware updates for the computer drive that may fix the problem?"
DVDs are smallish, those big black things are laser discs.
Stop trying to squash them in your hardware, and everything will work out fine.
The DVD is possesed. Call a priest, and if one isn't available, burn it immediately.
I need it to leave around my workplace in some strategic places. Can't explain the details in a public forum, sorry.
Have you ever traded in illegally pirated software? Did you ever copy a disk for a friend? Used Kazaa or other filesharing systems? Swapped tapes in your youth? Been to a friends house and listened to (i.e., pirated his record? Played your music too loud at red lights? Memorized parts of books you read at the library without previous authorization?
If so, you are automatically placed on the global MPAA shitlist. Any DVD you buy automatically detects your unique fingerprints (even if you just grip by the edge, you crafty pirate), and instructs even the cheapest korean DVD player to self-destruct.
You agreed to this on May 27, 1996 when you walked within 50 feet of our EULA in that wal-mart (you know, the one that uses the act of disagreeing with the terms and/or being unaware of them, to indicate agreement to the terms..our lawyers love that one).
Sorry old pal. Hate to do it to you. But that's the price of being a pirate.
**
Note, this post was a work of fiction. However, a young MPAA intern reading this post ejaculated approximately 65% of the way through. After changing his trousers, he is on the phone with his supervisor explaining this cool new invention he read about on "The Slashdots".
Might be worth "test playing" it on all the DVD players in your local Circuit City and Best Buy. That should get their attention.
... of a NIC I once had. It was a run-of-the-mill 3Com 905. Every computer it was installed in, the motherboard burned out within 2 or 3 days. I went through 3 motherboards before I figured out it was the Cursed-NIC-From-Hell.
I keep it around just so I can stomp on it now and then. It's quite therapeutic.
I've tried all my DVDs and they all work fine, and I have suffered absolutely no proble#$#$%$%$#%@#%%@$%@#$%REF$%$F^............NO CARRIER.
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Support Indy Music. Buy
I tried an 'out of balance' experiment on my CDROM at the workplace once. It was the first time I had access to a 'high speed' CDROM drive (i.e. one faster than 4x). I noticed that it was noisier than any drive I'd encountered before.
I began by putting progressively larger pieces of tape on a CDROM disk to put the disk 'out of balance' in the drive. It got progressively noisier.
Then I taped a small metal washer on the CDROM. It spun up and made the whole CPU case shake loudly.
I had to unplug the computer quickly and use a bent paperclip to extract the CD. It would have been embarassing to explain why the computer in my cubicle was making so much noise.
resigned
That's okay. Season 6 of "Buffy" is terribly depressing anyway, and Season 7 has the worst writing of the whole show. You've seen the most important parts.
Finished NetHack yet?
I bought a copy of a Kid Rock album a few years ago, and after opening it and playing through it once I thought it was about the worst thing I had heard since.. Well, probably since Sammy Hagar decided he needed a solo album.
So I walk back into the Sam Goody and stood around with the case in my hand, flipping it open and closed till I got a sales drone to see me.
me: Hi, I need to return this.
drone: I'm sorry, but we don't take returns on opened merchandise. Store policy.
me: I know what your store policy is. The disc is defective.
drone: Oh, is it scratched? Sometimes that happens in the packaging process.
me: Naw, the disc looks fine. But whenever I put it in my player, all I get out of the speakers is noise.
drone: Wow, I've never heard of that happening.
me: Only happens with this one disc. The copy of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours I bought here at the same time sounds great.
drone: Hmm. I think we've still got a couple copies on the shelf, we can exchange it for another.
me: I'd rather like to return it versus exchange it, because it was supposed to be a gift and I already had to buy an alternate gift in a hurry thanks to it throwing up through my speakers.
After discussing the model of my player, the fact it also produced garbage when played in my car stereo, the clerk gets his manager to sign off on a refund.
So I'm up at the register with the salesdrone and the cashier to get my money back.
clerk: Wow, I don't think I've heard of any problems with that album.
me: Don't ask me.
clerk: I ought to go stick it in one of the demo players and see how bad it sounds.
[clerk hands me my money and a new reciept]
me: Go for it. Don't put the volume up too loud though, I'll warn you.
[clerk pops it in a player stuck under the counter, player spins up and starts playing "Cowboy"]
clerk: Seems to work just fine, that's weird.
me: Funny, I paid $26 for a CD full of music, I expected music. That sounds like overmodulated static with some profanity thrown in. Not music. It's gotta be defective.
.sig: Now legally binding!
And most players stop working after you disconnect the power cord for a while...
perception is reality
You have an apex dvd player or similar cheap comsumer electronic junk. All I can say is what did you expect?
Not at all. In a future life you will be reincarnated as a VAX emulator.
-I like my women like I like my tea: green-
The other day I was driving around in my car and it stopped running. While it was being repaired I was driving another car that stopped running too! I'm pretty sure that I'm the cause of it. See where I'm going with this? Yes I do. I have seen women drive before.
http://www.fsckin.com/
My freezer also unfreezes if I remove the power for a while ...
Don't go to a brothel if you want to buy broth
DVDs that conform to the standard spec are only encoded with a series of zeros and ones. It is possible that this disk accidently included a two, confusing the playback hardware.
Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands!