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NHL Season to be Played Virtually
Matt Clare writes "G4TechTV will play the regular NHL season via EA Sports NHL game. G4TechTV Canada subsriptions might get a bigger boost than when they picked up Leo Laport."
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"Ugh... UGH!" Chris Pirillo moaned as he squatted over the ThumbDrive. He eyes darted back and forth like a stone man and he sighed gay breaths as he attempted to shove the device filled with the entire line of eBooks into his anus. His geek house trembled with fag vibrations comig from his crack but then- his doorbell rang, whistling the tune from "Matlock" throughout his hovel. "Damn" he howled in a gay sepulchur voice and slipped on a pair of pastel slacks. He trapsed to the threshold of his cold abode and grabbed the greasy doorknob that was shaped like Birdman. With a slavish sigh, he opened the door to see none other than Adam Sessler himself! A gay gasp escaped from Chris's dork lips and Adam began to speak. Quickly, Chris snapped at him. "Damnit for the last time you vagabond, you're not supposed to be here!" The revolting nerd slammed the door in Adam's face, but the Game Master quickly shoved his iron boot inbetween the door and the wall, wedging it open. "I have come for you," he spoke in a cold tone; electric arcs coursed between the spikes in his cockneyed bleached hair. He howled as a blast of mystic Boohbahs eminated from his busy shirt and slammed Chris down the hall and into a Microsoft Digital Picture Frame. Chris grunted and swiped nerd dust and sheetrock from his arms. He rose to his feet and watched in horror as Adam brandished a weapon made from 3 Xbox controllers tied at the ends. "Oh my word! Game periferals!" the dork bellowed; the stench of Cheetos and Diet Dr. Pepper wafted from his geek teeth. Instantly his palms began to sweat at the very sight of them, as if the grease from his McGriddle hadn't slicked them up enough. Chris tried to run, but it was too late. Adam swung the weapon above his head and threw it at the King of Nerds, entangling his legs and forcing him to the floor. Adam pulled a cestus made from PS2 DVDs out of his Spice Girls backpack and rushed Chris. He swiped at his turdly back over and over, causing streams of cold blood to squirt from his flesh. "Oh god, the horror, the HORROR!" Chris moaned as Adam butchered him relentlessly. A old Brit with one eye and a cockneyed accent burst into the room and started kicking Chris in the side. Chris was just about do die when... he rose from his bed. It was just a dream! He laughed and took a sip of more Brawls Guarana, hoping he wouldn't fall asleep again. "Time to plot..." he grumbled and shoved yet another pin into his Leo Laporte voodoo doll.