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Kerry Blows Red Sox Stats, Again, and Again
This week John Kerry twice messed up the Red Sox playoff scores, in one game proclaiming them to be ahead 10-9, in another 7-1. The Sox never had 10 runs in the first game (they went from 9 to 11 on Mark Bellhorn's two-run homer off the right field foul pole), and scored six in the second (see footballfansfortruth.us for more info). For those of you who are not Boston-area natives, you might not understand that Red Sox loyalty is far greater than political loyalty, and while this might not cause anyone to vote for Bush, it might make Kerry voters stay home. Worse, many Red Sox fans have vowed to see the Sox win a World Series before they die, so tens of thousands of Kerry voters could die before November 2. Of course, this won't affect Massachusetts, Vermont, or Rhode Island, and probably not Maine, but New Hampshire is a possibility.
...after reading the title...whew!
My mom always said, "Jim, you're 1 in a million." Given the current population, there are 7000 of me. God help us all!
What? John Kerry can't keep his Red Sox scores straight? Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw! I've clearly been supporting the wrong man all along! How can we possibly expect strong leadership from a man who doesn't watch enough SportsCenter?
Please. Did it ever occur to anyone that John Kerry might be a little bit busy, considering that there's one week to go before Election Day? Naw, that couldn't be it.
Here's an idea: After the election, Malda deletes the entire Politics section from production, and burns any backup tape from a date that the Politics section was active. His editorial staff has already proven that they're juvenile half-wits. We didn't need a two-party pissing contest to reinforce it.
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Due to low scores on tests to determine American's abilities to detect sarcasm, we are going to be cutting school's budgets by a total of $2.4 billion. Halliburtin has been awarded a $1.2 billion contract over the course of 4 years to attempt to remedy the problem, by drilling for humor in Alaska.
You are in a maze of twisty little relative jumps, all alike.
Don't blame Kerry on this. He doesn't care about the Red Sox. He would have bought the team already if he cared a bit about it.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
If Kerry has enough time to go goose hunting and then use the Red Sox game as an excuse for being too lazy to carry the goose he supposedly shot, then he should at least be able to get the score correct.
We know that Kerry is getting all his sports wrong because we are informed about sports. How much do you think Kerry gets wrong about subjects you are not well informed about?