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AOL to be Split into 4 Units
unsupported writes "AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription). "
They form the lamest robot in the entire universe... AOLtron!
I was so worried about their financial well being! I'm nearly out of coasters.
"AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription)."
None of which will regain profitability.
Does this mean I can get four times as many drink-coasters every month? I just moved into a bigger place, so I need some.
Seriously though, will this provide newfound independence for the Netscape folks, and newfound options for the browsers associated with them? Or will it just be a management shift that has no practical effect on the rest of the world?
Trying to use sarcasm in text-based forums does not work.
You forgot the 5th unit, which is more important then the rest.
It's the "Me too!" unit.
-= Stefan
94% of Repubs and 21% of Dems voted to renew the Patriot Act
The last thing AOL needs is a focused advertising unit.
I'm suddenly imagining their little yellow logo guy being drawn and quartered....not pretty.. :-P
DEAD DEAD DEAD DELETE ME
and its secret weapon is repeatedly firing fast rotating 30-day trial discs. OH THE HORROR!
My first thought at seeing the headline.
i thought printing & shipping CDs was their main task
Leelo Time-Warner Multipass!
Microsoft tried a related split up. However, they couldn't find a way seperate the Internet Explorer from Windows.
__
This was a lame attempt to be funny.
The 4 units will be named:
- Overcharging
- Limiting/Reducing Quality of Service
- Cancellation Deflection/Avoidance
- Demo CD Manufacturing and Distribution
Not to worry, they will all be guided by AOL's core mission: TO SUCK!
AOL probably already operated this way anyway, so what's the big whoop?
The biggest difference is that all the old infighting and contempt is offical, and can be reported on and monitered since it must cross interdepartmental divisions. Previously it was hard to track since it was intradepartemental.
Wars and power struggles are much more open. Further, it provides a new battlefield - all the commanders welcome this change since the wars were getting rather stale and predictable. Hopefully the new revolution will be streamed.
-Adam
You didn't care enough to RTFA, but you cared enough to post telling us how much you don't care. Thus showing us how much you do care. You care enough to not care, but are very passionate about your not caring. You want us to care that you don't care. Or perhaps you want us to care how much you care that you don't care? Well, buddy, I just wanted you to know that I care about wheather you wanted us to care about you not caring or wanted us to care about you caring about not caring. And I hope that everyone else cares about me caring about you either wanting us to care about you not caring or wanting us to care about you caring about you not caring. Just thought I'd write this to let you all know I care.
Well.. maybe. Or Maybe not. But Definitely not sort of.
Apparently prayer does work, as AOL has finally drawn and quartered itself.
Eventually, it will reduce itself to 64 small startup sized companies, 63 of which will fail. Just what I've always wanted to see: a living example of the DotCom bubble in reverse.
What's next? Maybe Microsoft will join them in self-dismemberment?
(Pray early, pray often...)
TLR
A man no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company
As if I wasn't getting enough free CD's in my mailbox, now I'll get four a day instead of simply 1.
Now That's progress.
Don't Crease the Weasel!
America Online Europe
(i know, i know, no one in Europe really needs to know what "A" in "AOL" stands for...)
Bulletin: On instructions from the US Dept of Homeland Security, AOL has agreed to rename its AOL Europe unit. In accordance with Bush Administration Policy, the unit will now be known as EOL (for the foreigners).
See you on the game grid,
MCP
"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." --The American President (20.1.2009)
A newly appointed CEO has a conversation with the man he is replacing. The new guy asks, "what advice can you give me?". The old dog opens up a drawer and pulls out three envelopes.
"When you get into trouble the first time, open up letter number one and do what it tells you. When it happens again, use letter number two. And when it happens the third time, read letter number three."
With that, the old dog laughs and walks out the building.
A month later the new CEO is on the hotseat for missing the quarterly EPS mark. Right before the earnings conference call he reads letter number one - 'Blame me'. So the new CEO goes to the mike, blames the old CEO for bad management, and everyone walks away optimistic.
Three months later, the new CEO is on the hotseat again. He reads letter number two - 'Reorganize' So the new CEO tells everyone that the company is going to do a massive reorganization "to realign our business units with our core market paradigms.". The reporters grumble but accept the idea that the company is now on the right track.
Three months later, the new CEO is yet again facing major difficulties. He reads the last letter. 'Get three envelopes.'
*buhbumpbump*
n00Bs?
Oh wait. Never mind...
In our defense, some of us are partially educated.
You're still wrong.
Everyone: Fucking up everything until there is no tomorrow.
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