AOL to be Split into 4 Units

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Posted by ryuzaki0 on Tuesday November 9, 2004 @05:13AM from the all-four-dedicated-to-mailing-me-crap dept.

unsupported writes "AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription). "

9 of 294 comments (clear)

And when the four parts come together by Anonymous Coward · 2004-11-09 05:14 · Score: 5, Funny

They form the lamest robot in the entire universe... AOLtron!
Oh Thank God by samurairas · 2004-11-09 05:15 · Score: 5, Funny

I was so worried about their financial well being! I'm nearly out of coasters.
Doh! by Zemplar · 2004-11-09 05:15 · Score: 5, Funny

"AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription)."

None of which will regain profitability.
1. Re:Doh! by Zemplar · 2004-11-09 05:27 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Perhaps they could change thier name to Anti-America Online to improve their European image?
Secret Weapon: discs by Man+in+Spandex · 2004-11-09 05:23 · Score: 5, Funny

and its secret weapon is repeatedly firing fast rotating 30-day trial discs. OH THE HORROR!
1. Re:Secret Weapon: discs by Guppy06 · 2004-11-09 07:28 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  "firing fast rotating 30-day trial discs."
  
  As opposed to firing employees?
what, no CD Press department? by Val314 · 2004-11-09 05:26 · Score: 5, Funny

i thought printing & shipping CDs was their main task
Article is incorrect by Anonymous Coward · 2004-11-09 05:35 · Score: 5, Funny

The 4 units will be named:
- Overcharging
- Limiting/Reducing Quality of Service
- Cancellation Deflection/Avoidance
- Demo CD Manufacturing and Distribution

Not to worry, they will all be guided by AOL's core mission: TO SUCK!
Justice At Last? by Gallenod · 2004-11-09 05:38 · Score: 5, Funny

Apparently prayer does work, as AOL has finally drawn and quartered itself.

Eventually, it will reduce itself to 64 small startup sized companies, 63 of which will fail. Just what I've always wanted to see: a living example of the DotCom bubble in reverse.

What's next? Maybe Microsoft will join them in self-dismemberment?

(Pray early, pray often...)

--

TLR

A man no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company