Managing the Online Teenager?

Parenting Pains asks: "I've got two teenagers, whose peer group have 'discovered' the Internet over the course of this year. We've gone from two bright happy lively teenagers at the start of the year, to now having two people who rarely venture outdoors except under duress and are close to unbearable unless they're ensconced online with 'friends' on MSN for hours at a time. Over recent months, this has gone from mildly amusing to out of hand, with them spending up to 10-12 hours a day on weekends online with friends. Many Slashdot readers must have confronted this situation; how have you dealt with it, and what were the outcomes of what you did? Do you just let the kids stay online till they got sick of it, and how long did it take? Do you ban them from using MSN? Do you limit the number of hours they can be online?" "When they're not online, they're grumpy, demanding, constantly nagging, etc. (i.e. normal teenagers) - frankly it's easier for us when they are online, but not for that many hours at a sitting.

We made a decision up front to trust their judgement and not monitor who they talk to and what they talk about, but I'm starting to question the wisdom of this right about now. Not for any specific reason; there's just a little nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me there's something wrong with this."

Comments

Re:pr0n

[austad]

Also realize that they probably have a ton of friends that use IM. If they only talk to each friend for a few mins, it could take up a large part of the day.

Plus, IM is usually something I do when browsing the net and screwing around. If I find a neat link, I'll send it to a few friends, which usually results in a conversation about whatever it is. In any case, they are still being social. If they locked themselves in a dark room all day and didn't talk to anyone, it would be more cause for concern. Not everything people do on the net is bad. It's arguable that IM could help develop good communication skills too, as long as they aren't abbreviating every damn word.

Honestly, I doubt they are doing anything questionable. IM seems to have replaced the phone that teens used to love so much.

Re:Who cares?

[the morgawr]

Also was a teenager who spent a lot of time in my room and around the house (online, video games, reading). Once I got a car, I had no curfew. My folks just expected me to do the right thing and keep them informed about my life. Since they respected me, we never went throught some rebelious phase.

My parents and I talked about school but doing schoolwork was my responsibility and I got decent grades.

My parent's attitude was that as long as I acted responsibly, they let me have wide freedom.

To the OP, if your kids are being responsible with their life, I'd say no worries, they're better off then 90% of the people out there. OTOH, if they are being generally irresponsible by measureable means (failing classes, perpetually getting in late at night, not doing important housework), you should talk to them and figure out why they arn't living up to your expectations. Assuming the computer causes the problems is unproductive and may result in adressing the symptom instead of the cause. In general, trust your kids until they give you reason not to.