Slashdot Mirror
Massive Layoffs At AOL
JLavezzo writes "Several news sites are reporting that the United States' largest ISP has laid off 750 employees. My sources at AOL put the actual number at approximately 950 regular employees and 300 contractors from various departments including new technology and marketing. The contractors aren't mentioned by the news outlets. Severance packages are known to include up to four months pay and keeping laid off employees on the AOL payroll through February (to retain health insurance). With most of the layoffs coming from the Northern Virginia offices, what are their hopes for finding new jobs?"
Bah, you kids. Back in my day (2000), we didn't feel right about going to lunch unless we'd shitcanned at least 1000 people by then. And two months on the payroll plus four months of severence? Bah! Back in my day you were lucky if you didn't have any personal possessions in the building when it was locked and the contents auctioned off on behalf of angry creditors.
We *knew* how to make employees feel worthless. Layoffs via SMS! Contracted goons standing in the office in case they went postal! Taking away their razor scooters!
Now get off my lawn, you damn kids.
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
"You've Got Severance!"
if they'd only spent less on all those darn cds...
You got ... DOLE!
Jonathanjk.com
...Slashdot Headlines Consistently Sensationalize Everything!!!
I think even McDonalds would think twice about hiring them:
Manager: "So do you have any customer service experience?"
AOL Scab: "Well, I worked tech support at AOL for 2 years."
Manager: "We only hire people who will fuck up small stuff. We can't handle AOL sized crap here"
...The severance package was particularly generous, as it include two AOL trial CDs, with a combined total of 2048 free hours.
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
See, that's why I've been honing my aggresive driving, sword-fighting and other misc. pizza-delivery skills: Jobs that can be done overseas will be done overseas.
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
In related news, the USPS today announced 1,250 redundancies after a recent analysis suggested a 90% reduction in 2005 postal volume from the Northern Virginia area.
Intriguing.