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Nanotech Brings Battery Life Extender for Mobiles
An anonymous user writes "Using latest nanotechnology research, BatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, resulting from years of laboratory research. BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries and thus provides improved battery performance. BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker which is installed on the mobile phone battery. Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone. They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles."
Hopefully this will work with my antenna extender sticker!
Don't forget the magnets on your water pipes and on your fuel tank.
Oh, it is not april 1st yet? Sorry...
Kickass. Now we can talk on our phones for longer times, so that the phone companies can make more money out of us. I still think a better idea would be to create a more efficient power source, such as those small mini-reactors that use leftover waste from nuclear power plants. Those have a far greater energy potential...
I use these on condoms all the time.
I don't.
Just check the streets of any major city: applying stickers to cars has been shown to improve perceived performance. Why not the same for mobile phones?
I wonder if this thing will speed up the cold fusion generator I am using to run my water polymerisation machine..
I wonder...If I stick one on my fuel line, will it work like the double-your-gas-mileage gasoline ion chargers?
This flies in the face of science.
6. Profit!
Oh come on! This is just stupid. Fuck, if this really works then I'm going to stick on of these to my forehead. Should boost my brain and result better performance with my projects.
can anyone think of something commonplace, that at the time seemed like total utter snake-oil lubed bullshit?
"They will welcome us."
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
what about another battery?
BatMax unblocks and regulates the flow of ions by generating an electro-magnetic cavity and oscillation frequency with negative ions emission. The ionization generated by BatMax has been mesured [sic] as a level reaching 30 times the value (7 - 8.000 Ions/cm3) of the ambiant [sic] air ionization (2 - 300 Ions/cm3). By the ions production, BatMax improves the electrodes oxidization.
I'll take two bridges please...
Did he inhale?
After modding my nano-ceramic sticker with a nano-trans-plasma-inducer I bought off eBay, I was able to achieve cold-fusion! I now have perpetual battery life and after whistling into my cell, unlimited anytime minutes and free long distance for life!
If only they can create a penis enlarging ring-tone like the breast enlarging one they made for those babes in Tokyo, I'll be the shizla!
"nanoceramic material extracted from a natural stone"? How stupid do you have to be to believe this kind of thing?
Quite stupid actually, it is common knowledge among chemists that you get better results when extracting nanoceramic materials for stick on battery enhancers from supernatrural stone.
Only to idiots, are orders laws.
-- Henning von Tresckow
I use BatMax technology on the Bat-Phone and in the Batcave, and it helps me extend my crime-fighting!
with a herbal nanotech sticker.
Also increases the volume of - oh, that makes sense
Are they claiming that this magical sticker will change the material characteristics of the battery components themselves?
:)
Actually, what they are claiming is:
The foil and the material are designed to:
Absorb the electromagnetic waves generated from the battery.
Generate a flow of negative ions.
Interact with the battery's internal electrolyte and ions.
Which makes absolute no sense
DON'T PANIC
In a 2002 clinical test, I applied BatMax IonXR stickers to all surfaces (dorsal, ventral, anterior, posterior) of my grandmother. Laboratory results were the following: 1) her life was extended by 25 years 2) she bakes pies 36% faster 3) the room generally smells much better, though that might be because she has stopped eating dog food, 4) Grandpa says sex with her is a totally new experience.
"Please push."
FRA: STFU GTFO
It sure sounds like those "parabolic" TV antennas guaranteed to boost your reception after just a few viewings, doesn't it? Not to be cynical, but:
Using latest nanotechnology research, (we read an issue of Wired)
EricBatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life (which is why we call it a "battery life booster")
and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, (we grind ceramic tiles into a fine dust)
resulting from years of laboratory research (it was hard to grind them small enough).
BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries (we guarantee it works the same on all of these)
and thus provides improved battery performance (not to be redundant again).
BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker (we sandwich the dust between some sticky aluminum foil)
which is installed on the mobile phone battery (the hard part was keeping it really thin).
Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone (where they'll quickly forget about it once the cover's back on).
They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles (by then the placebo effect should kick in).
The Vioxx recall and spam reduction
In related news, BatMax just announced that they hired CowboyNeal as the new head of their PR department.
quidquid latine dictum sit altum videtur.
To even further improve the effectivity of the BatMax and even increase the range of your mobiles, my company will offer a special nanotech tinfoil.
;-)
Prices are from only $1 per square foot!
If the product doesn't have the desired effect, you can return it to SKM&C, Netherlands....
Credit card payments are, of course, welcome.
Refunds at our discretion
Caveat Emptor: this message won't selfdestruct if you memorize it!
Short of re-designing the battery internally,
..."
this faus device isn't worth $00.02. Apparently,
the "inventor" ran out of "perpetual motion
machine" and "cold fusion" marks, hence the new
"invention".
The poster used far too many buzz words and far
too little science to make any valid case --
"Nothing to see here. Move on
... check to see if this story was submitted by Roland Piquepaille?
I've got a fever and the only prescription is more COBOL.
"nanoceramic material extracted from a natural stone"? How stupid do you have to be to believe this kind of thing?
Sounds to me like the answer to this poll actually is CowboyNeal.
-JDF
You stick BATMAX IonXR onto CowboyNeal's head?
/.? Worth a try...
Would the nanoceramic 5-30 micron electron-releasing sticker excite the brain neurons so that only real stories get posted to
It sticks.
"Kaffefahrt" literally transfers to "coffee trip"
And there was I, thinking it meant the bout of troublesome flatulence I get after my morning espresso...
Tubal-Cain smokes the white owl.
Yes, it makes sense, but they were hoping nobody would notice the apparent incongruity. See, they also invented a time machine, and have been using it extensively to reduce perceived development time for IonXR. If it weren't for that, we'd have to wait another 10 years before IonXR was available to the public. But they don't want to announce the time machine's existence until they work out the problem with periodic instabilities in the quantum flux ion regeneration matrix that are induced by harmonic interference arising from pico-mesons in the nano-photonic resonance substructure.
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
I mean really, ION's are supernatural in nature, hell I have a hair drier that uses them why not a "Uber Battery Improver" - gonna get copyright on that, so don't even try! -.
/.'ers complain, I will sue you for hate crimes against the all mighty ION.
People will try anything, I mean anything. The worst part is when you tell your cousin she's an idiot for paying someone $50 to install a Transistor on the backplate of her watch to "Amplify the good energy flowing through her body", she gets all huffy and calls you on the carpet for your sacrilegious hate speech.
I'm off to invent a self producing ION injection headband for joggers. And if any of you
Does it just insulate the battery?
No... it just pads the manufacturer's waller.
I'll never make that mistake again, reading the experts' opinions. - Feynman
This writeup should be deleted or at least have an Update: This technology is complete bullshit. Do not buy it or do anything but laugh at it.
My suggestion: Update from CowboyNeal: Sorry for the bogus story, I don't really have time to read Slashdot submissions what with all the ordering of penis enlargement kits and discount Rolexes I have to do. But I'm currently in negotiations with deposed Nigerian officials that I can't go into detail about because they requested discretion but it should net us enough to hire more editors. I thought it would go faster but you wouldn't believe the red tape involved!
It was here just a minute ago.
If you buy from BatMax (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, BATMAX!) you are getting ripped off. I've got my own nanotechnology battery extender, and it was easy to make!
Ingredients:
-200 grit sandpaper (made with natural stone)
-aluminum foil (made of "nano-molecules" of Al)
-glue stick (the kind astronauts use in the office)
Instructions:
1. Slap all that crap together however you like.
2. Apply to battery.
3. Brag your ass off!
I'm getting 80-100 more hours out of my cellphone battery, easy. I put my homemade stickers on BOTH sides of my battery for uber performance.
The latter is actually possible, inasfar as wearing pants may prevent you from playing with yourself long enough to pay attention and learn something.
As we outlined during the pitch, we pride ourselves both on our strong relationships with both clients and media. Our intimate knowledge of the lives of tech journalists, and of senior executives throughout the mobile industry, has been invaluable in achieving our unsurpassed record. We have not lost a client yet, except to natural causes.
The recent campaign is running extremely successfully, with unprecedented traffic to the website. We will be invoicing you for this shortly.
In the meantime, our product specialist has suggested we extend your product range to children's toys. This would legitimise our inclusion of certain photographic assets in the next brochure, and help capture some of the demographic outliers. I realise product development is not our core competence, but, with due respect, the most it would require is a slightly larger print run.
Your assistant has recently expressed some concern to me that audiences have reacted negatively on some sites. I apologise for this. We take this extremely seriously, and will be working to apply corrective action very shortly. Of course, there will always be some editors we do not have on file, but our agents are in the field as I write.