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Nanotech Brings Battery Life Extender for Mobiles
An anonymous user writes "Using latest nanotechnology research, BatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, resulting from years of laboratory research. BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries and thus provides improved battery performance. BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker which is installed on the mobile phone battery. Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone. They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles."
Hopefully this will work with my antenna extender sticker!
Just check the streets of any major city: applying stickers to cars has been shown to improve perceived performance. Why not the same for mobile phones?
Oh come on! This is just stupid. Fuck, if this really works then I'm going to stick on of these to my forehead. Should boost my brain and result better performance with my projects.
can anyone think of something commonplace, that at the time seemed like total utter snake-oil lubed bullshit?
"They will welcome us."
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
what about another battery?
BatMax unblocks and regulates the flow of ions by generating an electro-magnetic cavity and oscillation frequency with negative ions emission. The ionization generated by BatMax has been mesured [sic] as a level reaching 30 times the value (7 - 8.000 Ions/cm3) of the ambiant [sic] air ionization (2 - 300 Ions/cm3). By the ions production, BatMax improves the electrodes oxidization.
I'll take two bridges please...
Did he inhale?
with a herbal nanotech sticker.
Also increases the volume of - oh, that makes sense
In a 2002 clinical test, I applied BatMax IonXR stickers to all surfaces (dorsal, ventral, anterior, posterior) of my grandmother. Laboratory results were the following: 1) her life was extended by 25 years 2) she bakes pies 36% faster 3) the room generally smells much better, though that might be because she has stopped eating dog food, 4) Grandpa says sex with her is a totally new experience.
"Please push."
FRA: STFU GTFO
It sure sounds like those "parabolic" TV antennas guaranteed to boost your reception after just a few viewings, doesn't it? Not to be cynical, but:
Using latest nanotechnology research, (we read an issue of Wired)
EricBatMax developed the first cellphone battery life booster that extends the mobile phone battery life (which is why we call it a "battery life booster")
and reduces charging time. BatMax is based on the IonXR, a new exclusively developed nanoceramic material, (we grind ceramic tiles into a fine dust)
resulting from years of laboratory research (it was hard to grind them small enough).
BatMax foil slows down the loss of capacity of Ni-CD, Ni-MH, Li-Ion and Li-Polymer batteries (we guarantee it works the same on all of these)
and thus provides improved battery performance (not to be redundant again).
BatMax is a small (1.14 x 1.92 in) rectangular sticker (we sandwich the dust between some sticky aluminum foil)
which is installed on the mobile phone battery (the hard part was keeping it really thin).
Users just need to attach BatMax to the battery or the cellphone (where they'll quickly forget about it once the cover's back on).
They claim users will notice a battery life improvement after 5 to 10 charging cycles (by then the placebo effect should kick in).
The Vioxx recall and spam reduction
In related news, BatMax just announced that they hired CowboyNeal as the new head of their PR department.
quidquid latine dictum sit altum videtur.
Short of re-designing the battery internally,
..."
this faus device isn't worth $00.02. Apparently,
the "inventor" ran out of "perpetual motion
machine" and "cold fusion" marks, hence the new
"invention".
The poster used far too many buzz words and far
too little science to make any valid case --
"Nothing to see here. Move on
"nanoceramic material extracted from a natural stone"? How stupid do you have to be to believe this kind of thing?
Sounds to me like the answer to this poll actually is CowboyNeal.
-JDF
Yes, it makes sense, but they were hoping nobody would notice the apparent incongruity. See, they also invented a time machine, and have been using it extensively to reduce perceived development time for IonXR. If it weren't for that, we'd have to wait another 10 years before IonXR was available to the public. But they don't want to announce the time machine's existence until they work out the problem with periodic instabilities in the quantum flux ion regeneration matrix that are induced by harmonic interference arising from pico-mesons in the nano-photonic resonance substructure.
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
Does it just insulate the battery?
No... it just pads the manufacturer's waller.
I'll never make that mistake again, reading the experts' opinions. - Feynman
This writeup should be deleted or at least have an Update: This technology is complete bullshit. Do not buy it or do anything but laugh at it.
My suggestion: Update from CowboyNeal: Sorry for the bogus story, I don't really have time to read Slashdot submissions what with all the ordering of penis enlargement kits and discount Rolexes I have to do. But I'm currently in negotiations with deposed Nigerian officials that I can't go into detail about because they requested discretion but it should net us enough to hire more editors. I thought it would go faster but you wouldn't believe the red tape involved!
If you buy from BatMax (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, BATMAX!) you are getting ripped off. I've got my own nanotechnology battery extender, and it was easy to make!
Ingredients:
-200 grit sandpaper (made with natural stone)
-aluminum foil (made of "nano-molecules" of Al)
-glue stick (the kind astronauts use in the office)
Instructions:
1. Slap all that crap together however you like.
2. Apply to battery.
3. Brag your ass off!
I'm getting 80-100 more hours out of my cellphone battery, easy. I put my homemade stickers on BOTH sides of my battery for uber performance.