HP CEO Carly Fiorina to Step Down

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HP CEO Carly Fiorina to Step Down

Posted by CmdrTaco on Wednesday February 9, 2005 @02:11AM from the tidal-wave-of-submissions dept.

ewwhite was the first of a tidal wave of readers to submit links telling us that HP Chairwoman and Chief Executive Officer Carly Fiorina will step down, effective immediately. Chief Financial Officer Robert Wayman will be interim CEO, Hewlett-Packard said in a Business Wire statement today. Patricia Dunn will be chairwoman. Not much else in the story.

35 of 839 comments (clear)

Feel invigorating! by Leroy_Brown242 · 2005-02-09 02:15 · Score: 5, Funny

There's nothing like a good Corporate shake up first thing in the morning to make you feel good!

Oh, sorry about your job. :P

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Meanwhile... by Xpilot · 2005-02-09 02:17 · Score: 5, Funny

...HP technicians report that the new HP Flying Glider prototype and flight suit are missing, and a lab tech has been found dead. It is rumoured that a cackling evil-looking figure was seen flying around on the missing glider screaming for "revenge".

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1. Re:Meanwhile... by failedlogic · 2005-02-09 02:50 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  No, that'll happen when she forms CarlyCorp. She'll use her Science degree, MBA and medieval history degrees to form a truly 'evil' company. Perhaps a doctorate is in order? Carly becomes Dr. Evil?
  
  Instead of a glider and flying suit, I imagine she will hold the corporate world hostage by catapulting diseased cows into the offices of HP and demanding One Trillion dollars for the insanity to stop.
2. Re:Meanwhile... by jcostantino · 2005-02-09 03:44 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  ...HP technicians report that the new HP Flying Glider prototype and flight suit are missing, and a lab tech has been found dead. It is rumoured that a cackling evil-looking figure was seen flying around on the missing glider screaming for "revenge".
  
  Surely you meant her GliderJet and FlightPaq?
  
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Ding Dong! by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 02:19 · Score: 2, Funny

My emotions as an HP employee...

Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go
Below - below - below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead

Amen!
Not much to say, but .. by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 02:19 · Score: 5, Funny

HP CEO Carly Fiorina dies, and she goes through the usual process of defending her case in front of the Divine Jury. It is not clear what happens exactly and where things go wrong, but when the jury comes back and the sentence is read, it turns out she is admitted into Heaven. So Carly is filling in the usual paperwork at the HAO's desk (Heaven Admission Officer): non-disclosure agreement, legal disclaimers, non-competition clause, etc...

'Congratulations and welcome to Heaven,' finally says the angel. 'Go down the corridor, first door on your right.'

Carly walks to the door, pushes it open... and staggers back. Through the flames and behind the door, all you can see are countless devils inflicting the most horrible tortures to screaming souls. She rushes back to the Officer and waves her admission pass, breathless. 'Must be an error, this thing here says Heaven!'

'Oh yeah,' says the angel, barely looking up from his/her screen. 'Forgot to tell you... we merged.'
Hmmmm chairwoman.... by Evil+W1zard · 2005-02-09 02:22 · Score: 3, Funny

That word makes me think of one thing... FLASHDANCE!

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Re:That's too bad by irokitt · 2005-02-09 02:25 · Score: 3, Funny

Ummm, Martha Stewart?

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Re:The knives have been out for a long time by eclectro · 2005-02-09 02:25 · Score: 4, Funny

strongest women in corporate America.

There's a difference between a woman and a bitch who fills cartridges only a quarter full.

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Re:I know people who work at HP... by Gojira+Shipi-Taro · 2005-02-09 02:27 · Score: 2, Funny

Hey, maybe the board Out-sourced her...

That would be poetic justice.

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You insensitive clods! by kneecarrot · 2005-02-09 02:28 · Score: 3, Funny

What about Carly's feelings? A human being has lost their job today - let's not forget that! She must be feeling down and I bet her confidence has taken a real hit!
Oh wait, I actually don't care.
Woo hoo!!! Ding Dong! The witch is dead!

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1. Re:You insensitive clods! by eclectro · 2005-02-09 02:33 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  What about Carly's feelings? .... She must be feeling down and I bet her confidence has taken a real hit!
  
  I will paypal anybody $25 if they can show me a picture of her smeared make-up.
  
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  Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
2. Re:You insensitive clods! by HarveyBirdman · 2005-02-09 02:56 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  She must be feeling down and I bet her confidence has taken a real hit!
  Oh, all right. I can help. Now that she's out of work, the next rent payment must be looking scary. I wonder how much she'd charge an hour for escort services. I'll have to check The Erotic Review for any past entries on her. I'll pay her $250, and I'll go as high as $300 if she allows anal.
  Yes, yes... I'm going to the hot place. :-P
  
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  --- Ban humanity.
Re:I know people who work at HP... by eclectro · 2005-02-09 02:28 · Score: 2, Funny

Seriously, the woman was a snake.

That's not the least bit nice - you are giving snakes a bad name

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Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
Damn, that sucks... by swillden · 2005-02-09 02:31 · Score: 5, Funny

I work for IBM*, and we quite liked what Carly was doing to HP.
[*As a geek, not a flack, so don't get any silly ideas that IBM agrees with anything I say.]

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1. Re:Damn, that sucks... by aiabx · 2005-02-09 03:58 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  I wonder if we can get her a job at Oracle, or Sun, or even Microsoft?
  -aiabx
  
  --
  Just this guy, you know?
Re:more info by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 02:36 · Score: 5, Funny

I just got off the phone with a DEC->Compaq->HP employee. He said they were dancing in the aisles. They don't know who the replacement will be but it can't be worse.
Re:more info by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 02:39 · Score: 2, Funny

They don't know who the replacement will be but it can't be worse.

Whats John Scully doing these days? (*evil cackle*)
what HP? by helix_r · 2005-02-09 02:40 · Score: 4, Funny

What HP?
The _real_ "HP" is now called "Agilent"!
Keep that pimp hand strong! by Mr.+BS · 2005-02-09 02:44 · Score: 2, Funny

Carly Fiorina's Husband: "Honey, what are you doing home so early?"

Carly Fiorina: "I got fired"

Carly Fiorina's Husband: SLAP!

And how was your day?
Re:more info by LaCosaNostradamus · 2005-02-09 02:52 · Score: 1, Funny

Can't be worse? A bunch of Bush's prior cabinet are looking for work. Don't tempt fate.

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[You have a stable society when some nut guns down a schoolyard and the law doesn't change.]
Re:more info by Anon+E.+Muss · 2005-02-09 02:58 · Score: 5, Funny

And I'm sorry, what does a person with a BA in Medieval history have to do with being the CEO of a tech company?

It prepared her well for raping and pillaging the peasants (e.g. employees).

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Re:more info by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 03:13 · Score: 0, Funny

1. Join Company and get options
2. Run it into the ground.
3. Get fired
4. Profit!
Re:Gee, whats the golden parachute? by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 03:20 · Score: 1, Funny

Speaking of historical, do you know what her major was at UCLA? Medieval Studies.

What a great major to run a fortune 500 company.

Hmmm. Rape, pillage and black plague. Maybe that is appropriate, because thats what SHE infliced on HP. :p
Re:I am actually surprised... by kenji_watanabe · 2005-02-09 03:21 · Score: 2, Funny

Carlton Sneed Fiorina, whatever shall you do now...
Screw Lucent ... [done] Screw HP ....... [done] Screw
Re:Good riddance to bad rubbish. by Anonymous Coward · 2005-02-09 03:28 · Score: 1, Funny

Good thing Robert Wayman reads slashdot at -1. Excellent suggestions
Re:I am actually surprised... by TopShelf · 2005-02-09 03:28 · Score: 2, Funny

Hmmm... maybe SCO could use some help!

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Re:more info by antiMStroll · 2005-02-09 03:48 · Score: 2, Funny

"Now that she's gorged herself on the spirit of thousands, no doubt she'll float down to another company via her golden parachute and repeat the process there."
Is Nortel hiring? =D
I Guess She Was Right by blueZhift · 2005-02-09 03:54 · Score: 2, Funny

I still remember all of the flap when in reference to overseas outsourcing of tech jobs, she said that no one in the U.S. has a right to a job. Well, I guess she was right afterall!

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Re:And don't forget the HP iPod by Reignking · 2005-02-09 03:57 · Score: 2, Funny

What happened to innovation? They decided that "invent" would be their ad slogan. And that's about it.

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One man's Funny is another man's Offtopic.
No job that is Fiorina's right anymore... by front · 2005-02-09 04:12 · Score: 2, Funny

Hewlett-Packard ex-CEO Carly Fiorina was the person who said: "There is no job that is America's God-given right anymore."

http://www.codecomments.com/Computer_Consultants /m essage355214-1.html

cheers

front
Re:more info by HotNeedleOfInquiry · 2005-02-09 04:51 · Score: 2, Funny

Thanks for the coffee spew. Guess I'll have to finally change my sig.

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Re:And don't forget the HP iPod by tsukurite · 2005-02-09 05:08 · Score: 2, Funny

Actually, HP hasn't built its own product for years. Everything from board design to marketing has been outsourced. The iPod is only the most visible symptom of a long term problem.
Re:more info by RoboOp · 2005-02-09 06:04 · Score: 2, Funny

And I'm sorry, what does a person with a BA in Medievial history have to do with being the CEO of a tech company?
Buy our laptop, and we will throw in a free posey of frankensence and muir, no additional charge.
Who else would be better suited for being DM at the HP gaming club?
Innovated just-in-time delivery of test equipment via catapult.
Dammit, The jokes just write themselves on this one...

--
"First you get the Linux, then you get the power, THEN you get the women"
Re:more info by sharkey · 2005-02-09 07:13 · Score: 2, Funny

Is Darl McBride in the job market yet?

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