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Batterylife Activator Reviewed

Posted by timothy on from the grandly-mocked dept.

Daniel Rutter writes "Slashdot chewed over the BatMax Battery Life Booster - a nanotechnomagical sticker that's meant to rejuvenate lithium ion batteries - a while ago. Now I've reviewed the strikingly similar Batterylife Activator, and subjected it to actual empirical testing, with automated datalogging and everything. The results confirmed my original suspicion -- that the local Batterylife branch made a serious error of judgement when they decided to send me their product."

16 of 213 comments (clear)

  1. Myself? by bryan986 · · Score: 4, Funny

    If I put it on me will it help me get up in the morning?

    --
    There is no sig
    1. Re:Myself? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Perhaps you have this product confused with Viagra.

  2. Hmm.... by methangel · · Score: 3, Funny

    Why even waste time verifying if it's true? What's next, a test of whether penis enlargement pills work?

    1. Re:Hmm.... by christopherfinke · · Score: 5, Funny
      What's next, a test of whether penis enlargement pills work?
      Already been done.
    2. Re:Hmm.... by deglr6328 · · Score: 2, Funny

      DUH the test was a waste of time and everyone here already knew it was BS, but people, have you SEEN the "cow taser" page linked to from the review article?!! I think I just pissed myself from laughing so hard.

      --
      - "Hear that?! The percolations are imminent! Cease your ingress!"
    3. Re:Hmm.... by jon787 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Sean Connery (reading the categories): I've got to ask you about "The Penis Mightier".

      Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is "The Pen is Mightier."

      Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?

      Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

      Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.

      Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!

      Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait...are you selling Penis Mightiers?

      Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.

      Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

      --
      X(7): A program for managing terminal windows. See also screen(1).
  3. you're missing the obvious question: by Gunsmithy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Does it function well as a sticker?

    --
    Kids these days. They don't know the difference between classic, and just plain old.
  4. Silly company. I still prefer by Man+in+Spandex · · Score: 2, Funny

    A thousand monkeys working on a thousand typewriters. At least they get their energy back unlike robotic monkeys running on batteries with those stickers.

  5. You really should read this article by Sycraft-fu · · Score: 4, Funny

    It's worth it just for all the amusing links alone. The author liberally sprinkles links throughout his text, and it's not ads, it's some links to some odd, and often amusing websites. It's worth the read, even if you aren't interested in the actual test.

  6. Of course it doesn't work! by syousef · · Score: 3, Funny

    Praying to the he-God Nemod on the 3rd day after a new moon, and dancing for him the great triumphant nerd dance of Praytor which involves spinning around in a circle and yelling "hemannamannamanna" at the top of your lungs works much better to bring batteries back to life. Everyone knows that!!!!

    --
    These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
  7. Re:Good job by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I read the enzyte people have made 50 million dollars so far (and that was sometime last year). Would you goto jail for a couple years for 50 million dollars? I would.

    When they're finished with their jail term, they'll be working on some Enzyte brand Anal Tightening pills.

  8. Homeopathic version.. by adeyadey · · Score: 4, Funny

    Dont worry, I have invented a Homeopathic version of this device - thats right - based on the principle that the more dilute it is the stronger it is, you can place a single-atom sticker on your battery which will yeild UP TO 2000% improved battery life!!! It will extend the working life of your mobile phone by UP TO 1000 years!!!! Not only this, but your erectile function during intercourse will be improved by UP TO 700%!!!!

    Yes, just click on the Nigerian PayPal link below, and I will send you that miracle homeopathic atom!

    --
    "You lied to me! There is a Swansea!"
  9. On a similar topic... by ABeowulfCluster · · Score: 2, Funny

    I like to tell electrical engineers that Ferrites on the data cable do jack squat. Always good for a laugh.

  10. Tin Foil Hat Brainwave Amplifier by Monf · · Score: 2, Funny

    When will you review it?

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    Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
  11. Enzyte by inject_hotmail.com · · Score: 2, Funny

    Here in the US they just recently started looking into the "Enzyte"

    Heh. Honestly, anyone should be able to see through such outrageous claims, but people assume since it's on TV it must have been through some sort of testing.

    TV is not GOD, nor is any other form of advertisement (read: Internet). Trust your senses.

    On the light side, Enzyte has a list of the countries least well-endowed men. :( Could this have the potential to be a coveted national DO NOT DATE list?

    Something to ponder.

    Inject.

  12. Re:Good job by DickBreath · · Score: 2, Funny

    I read the enzyte people have made 50 million dollars so far (and that was sometime last year). Would you goto jail for a couple years for 50 million dollars? I would.

    One question: will cellmates be taking Enzyte?

    --

    I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.