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Advanced System Building Guide
Alan writes "FiringSquad has up an Advanced System Building Guide, detailing how to construct your own rig. The first half deals with hardware selection and even esoteric concepts such as PCI slot placement. The second half is focused on Windows XP, and makes recommendations such as moving the swap file and scratch disk to a separate partition." From the article: "You laugh at the so-called expertise of Best Buy's GeekSquad, and are the one doing the teaching when calling technical support. If this sounds like you, you've come to the right place if you're looking to take your system building skills to the next level."
The United States of Lard
by Mark Driver
We are a fat, fucking country. We're also lazy, complaining, selfish,
hypocritical assholes, but today, I'm just gonna focus on the fat part.
More than half of Americans are obese. Not just overweight mind you,
OBESE, meaning there is so much blubber on your bones, it's unhealthy.
Your lard encrusted heart pumps your greasy blood through tightening
arteries and brittle veins. Unsightly fields of poisonous cellulite dot
the noxious landscape that is your body. Our chubby children can barely
pry their fat engorged bodies out of bed. There are even reports of these
little butterballs suffering from adult diabetes, a condition that used to
take dozens of years of abuse to manifest. Like a pod of sleepy whales
sucking pure lard out of a generically mutilated mother hog covered from
snout to tail in teats, we just feed and breed. It doesn't matter what the
fuck we put into our bodies. It can be uranium soaked dog feces sprinkled
with live baby tarantulas, tapeworm eggs, cigarette buts and diesel fuel
causing impotence, baldness, spontaneous abortion, and premature death -
as long as it's battered, fried, and salted: it's dinner.
New National Anthem (sung to the tune of anything by N' Sync)
Suck and sleep,
Mate and eat.
Breed and feed,
Breed and feed.
Don't lather.
or rinse,
or chew,
just repeat.
How did everyone get so fat? Our grandparents weren't fat. Most senior
citizens aren't fat (maybe the fat ones die off early). George Washington
wasn't fat. Abe Lincoln wasn't fat. Ben Franklin was fat, but he made up
for it in charm (from what I hear). In random snapshots of history, most
people aren't fat. They didn't have the luxury of a life where you spent
15 hours a day laying on your back. They didn't have the luxury of a
purely sedentary lifestyle. If they wanted to eat something disgustingly
unhealthy, they didn't have the luxury of waddling over to Wendy's for a
bacon triple cheese burger - they had to make it themselves by scratch.
Luxuries have their costs, don't they fatty?
So are you one of these fat asses? One of these obese, bacon-grease
drinking Americans that make up more than half of our population? Do your
rotund children roll around on the floor in their own drool, playing video
games, suffering from high blood pressure and hemorrhoids because you feed
them processed crap and never make them go outside?
It's easy to stop off at the store or pull up to the drive through window,
but if it came down to it, would you be able to provide any of the foods
you consume for yourself? Would catching a pig leave you breathless and
huffing like a broken bag pipe? Could your short, fat fingers fit around a
cow's udder for milking? Could you even climb into the seat of tractor to
dig a trench to seed some corn? Could you pull a stalk of wheat out of the
ground? Could you run after a chicken? Can you even run?
I'm not saying this to be deliberately mean, I'm saying it because you
fat, lazy, pieces of shit piss me off. What is it, like a third of the
world that's starving to death? In countries worldwide, there are human
skeletons with gaping eyes trying to make bread out of tree roots and
dust, swollen joints and bloated, empty stomachs. 5' 3" and forty pounds.
Now that's a fucking weight problem. Imagine reaction of one of these poor
souls watching American late night TV. Picture them, ribs showing through
their stained rags, broken teeth jutting out of their shrunken heads,
trying to find a place to sit on your fast food wrapper papered couch. You
hit "on", and the TV shows images of fat asses just like yourself, crying
with Richard Simmons, saying things like "I just can't stop myself from
eating! Pies! Fried Chicken! Cake! Pizza! Hamburger! I just eat and eat
and eat! I can't stop! And now look at me! I'm fat." You try to explain to
your new, malnourished friend th
Seriously, if you're so damn smart, why are you trying to call Best Buy?
Honestly, I'm going to be late for work, because I'm too busy getting gentoo running with reiser4 and udev. The vast majority of geek squad employees are just a bit smarter than you think.