Microsoft's New Mantra - It Just Works

bonch writes "Fortune has a story about Microsoft's new philosophy--'It just works.' Jim Allchin details various planned Longhorn features to meet this goal, such as auto-defragmenting in the background, the ability to have files in more than one folder simultaneously, and the new ad campaign Microsoft is running to get people excited about Windows. Mentions are also made of the competition from Linux, OS X Tiger, and Google."

Comments

New ad campaign?

[tomhudson]

The new ad campaign Microsoft is running to get people excited about Windows.

Maybe they can just update the old ad campaign from when they released Windows95, you know, when they promised increased security, no more viruses or trojans, a true 32-bit multitasking OS, and the rest of their lies^Wmarketing puffery.

Feature set, Microsoft marketing style:

1. Customizable BSOD screens - now you can have it in any one of 128 designer colours
2. A way to work around that nasty NX - No Execute - bit
3. Improved ease-of-use by having EVERYTHING run as administrator. Unleash all the power of your PC.
4. By-the-clock-tick metered licensing, coupled with URMA - Universal Remote Microsoft Administration;
5. Automatic removal of spyware/trojans/linux/open-sores software
6. The Moral Majority OS - support for gays and lesbians removed http://politics.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/04/ 21/162247&tid=109&tid=219
7. Improved use of dual-core cpus - 1 cpu to run the os, and a second to "accidently" launch a screen-saver on crashes while cpu 1 reboots
8. Improved auto-correct - now built into the OS. Automatically deletes any text derogatory to Microsoft (the No-Whine License) or unflattering benchmarks (the No-Tell License);
9. Auto-redirect - all links to Google are automagically converted to links to MSN
10. Clippy's back! - and he's more evil than ever! He's the undead. You can't kill him! Bwahahaha
11. Microsoft Longhorn Adult Media Edition (Microsoft LAME) - for a small monthly fee, users can hide a whole partition.
12. Your user key is now written using a microfont. Even smaller than the miniature font used on the XP labels. Improved security. No more age discrimination - now nobody can read it, not just the old farts! And forget about photocopying it at 200% to try to decipher it. Anti-photocopy technology. Also, all 'D', 'O', '0', 'Q', 'C' and 'G' letters are guaranteed to look identical at ALL magnifications.

Re:Why?

[eno2001]

And you AC are likewise a FAILURE. :P

Re:Unbelievable

[Anonymous Coward]

*kiss*

Re:Rephrasing

[Anonymous Coward]

And how is this "rendering" done? Without code?

Um. Let me see if I can explain to you why that question is massively, incredibly stupid without hurting your feelings too much.

Is it even theoretically possible to embed computer code in a JPEG file and execute it through the viewer? No, this is not even theoretically possible. There is no way that could ever happen unless somebody went out of his way to specifically write a viewer that would load the image data into memory and then issue a jump instruction. Never gonna happen.

Do you see now? Do you understand?

"It just works" doesn't make me comfortable. It rings alarm bells.

That's because you're an idiot.

Oh, shit. I was going to try not to hurt your feelings. Oh, well. Maybe your feelings need to be hurt a little bit. You know, to prevent you from EVER POSTING ANYTHING LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN.

Re:Unbelievable

[Anonymous Coward]

You should know that the reason you are being modded down from 5 is because of an organized effort by Microsoft employees to mod down negative commentary on Slashdot. Any comment that reflects negatively upon Microsoft is modded down.

Re:Well...

[vettemph]

_

MICROSOFT: When do you want to crash today???

_

Re:Why?

[eno2001]

Did someone hear a gnat?

Re:Unbelievable

[Michalson]

Basic concept? Steve Jobs gave Xerox some Apple stock to let his engineers hang around for a few days in their research department. The result was that the 1984 Macintosh had an operating system that looked almost 100% identical to the 1981 Xerox Star (though the Star cost almost 7 times as much and was directed at businesses). Not only did it have the exact same SDI interface design with things like a desktop holding space for icons and a shared menu bar at the top, it even had Star's "Wastebasket" (same name on both systems) in the same place, at the lower right corner of the screen.

Of course that didn't stop Apple from sueing a bunch of companies for patent infringement (they patented the "look" of their OS) back in the 80s, including Microsoft's own 16bit version of Windows which wasn't even close (unless you count the mere existence of icons in a GUI, in which case a lot of other companies had Apple beat). Today a lot of Apple's "look" patents have expired, though they have filed new ones which ironically include a patent for the wastebasket.

Re:Well... this should work for microshaft, too...

[davidsyes]

Okay, mshaft (lower-casing/deprecation of mshaft's name intentional/perpetual with me...), here we go...

I've got something for you to do: Put one thumb in your mouth, and put the other up your ass. Now, when I say, 'SWITCH!'...

That probably will work for mscarf, too.

Now, we need a new Linux mantra, too.

"Ours works as well, if not better. Ours works because it's open; you have access. We dont' SCREW you with encrypted code; obfuscated code, security dependent upon obscurity. Our's works because you're not locked in.

If you're un-American, or just non-'Merkun, a foreign government, an enemy of the US-state, well, Linux, F/LOSS, and GPL just werk! You're not at the mercy of code going to the NSA, unless you voluntarily build and optimize code on secure Linux ports.

Ours works because it's based on the LIBRE principles and ideas. You can modify it as you need and have few onerous restrictions in the rebranding and commercial exchange department, but overall, when apps become more windoze-like, well, ms you'd BETTER just "get to work" rather than proclaim a la stolen Apple Mantra "It Just Works"...

On second thought: OURS WERKS BETTER."

David Syes

Re:Why?

[BrainSurgeon]

Ok, I'd really like to set the record straight with MSFT vs. Apple and Tiger's new "upgrades".

First take a look at http://www.apple.com/macosx/. It shows all the "new features" to "upgrade" to. Microsoft has had most of these "features" for a long time and THEIR FREE DOWNLOADS!!! Lets compare shall we?

Automator - Microsoft has had "Scriptomatic" for at least 2.5 years and it's available via www.microsoft.com for free.
.Mac Sync - Microsoft has had "File and Settings Transfer" wizard for 3.5 years. Sounds like the "Who stole what from who" is a bit mixed up!
QuickTime 7 Pro - C'on...WMP is FREE! But with Apple you have to pay!
iChat - MSN Messenger is also FREE! Mail Search - Microsoft bought Lookout for Outlook about 2 years ago which does the same thing.
Safari RSS - Another FREE download! VoiceOver - Microsoft has had speech for disabled people for at least 3.5 years!

Don't get me started with Spotlight and Dashboard! Microsoft has had WinFS and SideShow for a long time now. The only diff is that Apple beat them to market.

I find it extremely entertaining that many will pay $129 every year for an "upgrade" to OS X when most of the included features should be FREE DOWNLOADS. Seem like their including a few fluffy things to sell and fixing A LOT of bugs on the backend. All Tiger, Panther, etc. are are just service packs. But the funny thing is PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT! If Microsoft did this people would riot! Looks like Steve Jobs found a good way to keep the stock price up at Apple!

Re:Unbelievable

[BrainSurgeon]

Ok, I'd really like to set the record straight with MSFT vs. Apple and Tiger's new "upgrades".

First take a look at http://www.apple.com/macosx/. It shows all the "new features" to "upgrade" to. Microsoft has had most of these "features" for a long time and THEIR FREE DOWNLOADS!!! Lets compare shall we?

Automator - Microsoft has had "Scriptomatic" for at least 2.5 years and it's available via www.microsoft.com for free.
.Mac Sync - Microsoft has had "File and Settings Transfer" wizard for 3.5 years. Sounds like the "Who stole what from who" is a bit mixed up!
QuickTime 7 Pro - C'on...WMP is FREE! But with Apple you have to pay!
iChat - MSN Messenger is also FREE!
Mail Search - Microsoft bought Lookout for Outlook about 2 years ago which does the same thing.
Safari RSS - Another FREE download!
VoiceOver - Microsoft has had speech for disabled people for at least 3.5 years!
Don't get me started with Spotlight and Dashboard! Microsoft has had WinFS and SideShow for a long time now. The only diff is that Apple beat them to market.

I find it extremely entertaining that many will pay $129 every year for an "upgrade" to OS X when most of the included features should be FREE DOWNLOADS. Seem like their including a few fluffy things to sell and fixing A LOT of bugs on the back end. All Tiger, Panther, etc. are just service packs. But the funny thing is PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT! If Microsoft did this people would riot! Looks like Steve Jobs found a good way to keep the stock price up at Apple.