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How Episode IV Should Have Ended
OverNeith writes "An excellent cartoon film showing how SW:Episode IV would have ended in a non-Lucas reality. Enjoy!" From the cartoon: "Han: Boy, you said it Chewie. I was this close to going back and helping those people."
. . .with episode 5. Unfortunately Lucas had to make four more.
I want the fire back.
sux to be luke then. joint the force he would have :P
What's a torrent file?
Its kinda fun to watch my bittorrent upload rate jump up from 2KB/s to 170 to 300 within seconds of the article making slashdot.
Sadly episodes I through III should have ended on the cutting room floor.
How about this player, it seems to play WMV files just fine!
..but I'm from Europe!
A post about (a) animation and (b) Star Wars which has been (c) posted to Slashdot.
If this doesn't serve as a stress test of BitTorrent's scalability, nothing will.
Any program relying on (nontrivial) preemptive multithreading will be buggy.
we have one chance to make this right and it's all Prince Leia's fault.
...to join Princess Vespa and Princess Valium - (pause) - I'm sorry, it's the hair. Prince Valium....
Minister:
Will Smith: (pushes button on remote) Hop in.
A car pulls up, driven by a man in a suit. Suddenly the driver deflates and is sucked into the steering wheel.
Tommy Lee Jones: Does that come standard?
Will Smith: Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.
Just thought I'd return the favor. You know, in case you ever see Men in Black II. Or something.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Taco Pizza
Nap
Taco Pizza
2nd Nap
beginning of the Matrix DVD
Shower
10 minutes of the audio commentary on Two Towers
Begining of XMen 1
Spiderman 1 - all
Kevin Smith forum on Superman
Post hate to AICN
Slashdot xbox articles
eat the Taco Pizza crusts
go to Bed
I'm a signature virus. Please copy me to your signature so I can replicate.
Ok, because it's late and I'm tired, I'll geek a bit...
I figure they didn't transmit the plans because it would've pinpointed how they were planning the rebel attack.
And then the empire could've just put some chickenwire over the exhaust port.
Then they would've failed and died. Which wouldn't have made Lucas nearly as much money.
N.
"Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence." - Charles de Gaulle
5. Stormtroopers being professional soldiers would take careful aim, set up snipers, etc thus all gun fights end with the good guys dying and quickly.
Not to be too straight-laced, but they could have had the storm troopers do things like that, get set up properly, make advancements, etc, and still have the main characters escape by the skin of their teeth. It would have built up excitement in a way that watching storm trooper after incompetent storm trooper being gunned down just doesn't. At least some percentage of the movie should have been devoted to the storm troopers winning, to build up tension.
A New Hope:
Storm troopers rule:
killed jawas (off camera)
Storm troopers suck:
Took equal losses with the defences of a councelor's ship on a peaceful mission.
Can't stop a group of rogues from escaping while they're already in prison.
They're scared of Han.
Empire Strikes Back:
Storm troopers rule:
Took over cloud city (off camera)
Storm troopers suck:
Giant battletanks full of the empires strongest weaponry taken down by string.
Still can't stop a group of rogues from escaping while they're already in prison.
Got shown up by a dwarf with a pot on his head.
Return of the Jedi
Storm Troopers Rule:
Actually stopped a group of rogues from doing something, and on camera no less!
Storm Troopers Suck:
Death of everything they represent.
Lost to a bunch of muppets.
The ______ Agenda
Episode IV? There's now III episodes before that so much more in need if the MST3K treatment....
Episode I, needs a scene of JarJar being horribly killed.
Episode II, needs a scene of JarJar being horribly killed.
Episode III, that JarJar cameo? That should have been a scene of him being horribly killed.
Episode IV refresh, they could have added a nice shot of a suspiciously Jar-Jar-like silhouette catching a blaster bolt.
Then we need a shot of George Lucas being killed horribly for turning the Jedi into a bunch of stupid steroid^Wmidiclorian-pumped jocks and light-saber ricers.
No your not. I've hacked your system. Go ahead and ping 127.0.0.1 and you will see that I have knowledge of your machine's IP address. Now tell me which OS you're running so I can tell you how to connect to your shared folders. ;P
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
Your firewall is very boring.
Moon orbits planet. Planet gets blown up. Moon no longer orbits planet, tidal forces suddenly released, massive "moonquakes", gale winds, pieces of blown up planet rain down like meteors on moon, yeah, I think the rebel base would have been screwed.
What else is there to do around here? Have an intelligent conversation? *snort*
Nice, but:
:). Also, it's a movie, a story, a work of fiction: Peter Pan would have been pretty disappointing if Peter climbed up the drainpipe. And think of the Little Mermaid as the story of a Prince with a crush on a dugong ...
... I definitely agree that if they can make a spaceship that can do all the complex stuff the Death Star does, with just two people at the helm, they *should* be able to come up with hunting. You could argue that hunting is more complex, but they are dealing with lasers, so the shot isn't going to get pulled around by gravity or something ... but see this post about what would have made the Stormtroopers COOL.
:). Then again, maybe it's just the oh-my-dear-god-isn't-Luthien-the-hottest-EVER?! fantasy fanboi talking.
r and wander off to a random corner of the universe because a GHOST TOLD HIM TOO. Not when they're in dire need of friends. But oh well, Lucas knows best :).
> 1. Flying through space would involve a crew, safety checks, and published flight plans in an advances society. So no two man smuggling teams.
Sailing the oceans of the world needed navigatory tools, navigators, doctors and other skilled workers, along with supplies (did you forget your vitamin C?), maps, plans, etc. But you still had small groups of people, either sailing areas which (I think) would be easier to navigate (e.g. the Carribean, British channel, etc.). I think you can extend the same to ships. I might be wrong.
> 2. Effeminate robots and a beeping speech system would never have made it past the "stupidity test" thus no R2 and 3P0. Instead you'd have two very predictable and obedient automatons.
I am typing this from an operating system which LOOKS LIKE FISHER PRICE DESIGNED IT, and was pretty darn un-predictable and dis-obedient for its first two decades of existance. So really, no, products don't have to face stupidity tests in the real world.
> 3. No faster than light travel. So long galactic civilization.
As somebody else pointed out, no faster than light travel *now*. It might happen. Be optimistic
> 4. No sounds in space.
Also, every psycho has a small orchestra which walks around behind him everywhere he goes and plays creepy music every time he kills someone. See point 3.
> 5. Stormtroopers being professional soldiers would take careful aim, set up snipers, etc thus all gun fights end with the good guys dying and quickly.
Hmmmm
> 6. No force, no prophesies, etc. No such thing.
Every time somebody says they don't believe in fairies, somewhere a fairy falls down dead. You remember that, boy-yo
> 7. No one acting out of stupid impulse or emotion, thus Luke never leaves tatooine.
I've wrecked FRIENDSHIPS out of "stupid impulse or emotion", let alone doing a tichy little thing like leave a planet! You could replace this one with "nobody ever leaves friends, family and girl-you-have-a-crush-on-but-is-really-your-siste