IGN Interviews Natalie Portman

feller writes "IGN FilmForce has posted an interview with Natalie Portman from yesterday's Comic Con regarding her new film, V For Vendetta (written by Andy and Larry Wachowski, creators of The Matrix trilogy) and also covering everything from misguided fans, to what merits the use of violence, to Portman's own opinions about graphic novels. From the interview: 'Most of the Q&A session was dominated with questions for Natalie Portman, the star of the film. While the questions leveled at her ranged from weird to repetitive, one confused young man asked if starring in movies like Mighty Ducks was different than starring in films like V for Vendetta. Problem is, Ms. Portman never starred in Mighty Ducks. '"

Comments

Camping with Natalie

[Anonymous Coward]

There in the woods lies a 20 by 20 foot cinder block room packed with nude Jews and the one and only Natalie Portman stripped to the raw. Above in the ceiling is an opening to a chute. Natalie Portman and the Jews are packed in like rats. Suddenly the chute opens, and in pours tons of steaming hot grits. The grits overflow the Jews. The grits are steaming hot. The Jews are roasting among the hot grits. Soon they are choking, drowning in steaming hot grits. The Jews gasp and gasp but the grits are too powerful. Soon, a room of scalded steamed Jews is silent. Natalie Portman is forever silenced, having experienced the same fate.

The next morning the sun comes up. A cock is crowing in the background. The Jews are dead and still. Suddenly the side door to the cinder block room of grits opens. Many Jews and pounds and pounds of stiff grits spill into the swine yard.

There in the beauty of early morning Nordic sunshine, the bodies of the Jews are feasted upon by swine. They gobble the Jews and grits in a feeding frenzy. The Jewish fat flavors the grits not unlike hocks. The swine feast upon the grits and Jews. The sunshine sparkles. And all is good in the world.

Later workers hose off the grits stuck to the uneaten corpses. Natalie Portman lies petrified among the grits in a humorous posture suggesting either sexual ecstasy or horrible trauma. A blue jay sitting in a tree above looks on and thinks how curious that pain and sexual pleasure are so entwined.

Natalie Portman is silent and petrified. As the stiff grits are hosed from her naked corpse, it is apparent that she was at the height of her menstrual flow. Her vaginal discharge lends a pinkish tone to the grits which smothered her. The blue jay smiles and nods knowingly. He knows. Oh my god he knows.

Later, after Natalie Portman's petrified rigor mortis corpse is clean of grits, it is encased in liquid Lucite which preserves her comical pose. After it hardens, her petrified remains are then shipped to Arabia to serve as a greasy Muhammadan sheik's paper weight. The sheik will stare at Natalie Portman's bizarre corpse within its clear Lucite tomb and masturbate while dreaming of what might have been.

So much for /.

[Anonymous Coward]

This crap is seen far too often here.
I'm canceling my internet subscription, thanks!

Re:Hot grits?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dumbledore dies.