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U.S. High Level Anti-Piracy Post Created

Posted by Zonk on from the keeping-the-bread-buttered dept.

Vicissidude wrote to mention a CNN/Money article, announcing that President Bush has created a new senior-level position to fight global intellectual-property piracy From the article: "Bush has tapped Chris Israel, currently deputy chief of staff for Gutierrez, to head up the administration's anti-piracy efforts. China -- where 90 percent of music and movies are pirate copies -- will be a chief priority, Gutierrez said."

17 of 442 comments (clear)

  1. Plans for China by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    They will send China this email:

    Dear China,

    Please stop your copyright infringement, or we'll send another email. It's just not nice.

    Thanks,
    United States

    1. Re:Plans for China by Rei · · Score: 5, Funny

      Episode I: The Phantom Menace

      Turmoil has engulfed the world. The regulation of IP trade with outlying countries is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly lawyers, the greedy Corporate Interests has stopped all shipping to the nation of China. While the WTO endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the President has secretly dispatched two Elite Programmers, the guardians of peace and justice in the world, to settle the conflict....

      Episode II: Attack of the Regulations

      There is unrest in the WTO. Several dozen nations have declared their intentions to defeat planned regulations. This separatist movement,
      under the leadership of the mysterious Count Johansen, has made it difficult for the limited
      number of Elite Programmers to maintain IP control in the world. Representative Wen Jiabao, the former primier of China, is returning to the WTO to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF LAWYERS to assist the overwhelmed Programmers...

      Episode III: Revenge of the Corporations

      Trade War! The WTO is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Pirate, Count Johansen. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish pirate leader, General Brocious, has swept into the American capital and copied the entire MPAA archives. As the Pirate Army attempts to flee the country with their valuable contents, two Elite Programmers lead a desperate mission to protect the intellectual property....

      Episode IV: A New Hope

      It is a period of trade war. Chinese pirates, striking from a hidden internet connection, have won their first victory against the evil American Empire. During the battle, Chinese spies managed to steal secret plans to America's ultimate weapon, DRM, an encrypted media link with enough legislative power behind it to destroy an entire fair use system. Pursued by America's sinister agents, Princess Hua Ching races to /home on her computer, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her data and restore fair use to the world.

      Episode V: America Strikes Back

      It is a dark time for the Pirates. Although the DRM has been cracked, American troops have driven the Pirate forces from their hidden
      internet cafes and pursued them across the world. Evading the dreaded American Lawsuits, a group of freedom fighters led by Crazney
      has established a new secret base on the remote ice country of Norway. The evil lord George Bush, obsessed with finding young Crazney, has dispatched thousands of remote packet sniffers into the far reaches of IPV4 space...

      Episode VI: Return of Fair Use

      Crazney has returned to his home country of Australia in an attempt to rescue his friend Professor Felten from the clutches of the vile gangster Mitch Bainwol. Little does Crazney know that the AMERICAN EMPIRE has secretly begun development on a DRM method even more powerful than the first dreaded DRM. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of pirates struggling to restore fair use to the world....

      --
      We're practicing our labials.
  2. War on piracy? by Tibor+the+Hun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Can't we just declare a war on piracy and get it over with?

    --
    If you don't know what AltaVista is (was), get off my lawn.
    1. Re:War on piracy? by superpulpsicle · · Score: 4, Funny

      Not until Weapons of Mass Piracy is found first. Which should be on CSPAN any minute now...

    2. Re:War on piracy? by tmilam · · Score: 2, Funny

      We should invade China and look for WOMP's.

    3. Re:War on piracy? by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 2, Funny

      2006 - Apparently US troops operating in China have uncovered evidence of Weapons of Mass Piracy.

      They have captured two CD jewel cases which had once contained copies of a Brittany Spears record, considered a potent nerve toxin. Whether fired out of an artillery piece, or blared on loudspeakers in Tiananmen Square, Fox News assures that these two CD cases, had they contained ACTUAL CD's, could have killed millions, and completely justify our military presence in China.

      --
      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
    4. Re:War on piracy? by d34thm0nk3y · · Score: 4, Funny

      Not until Weapons of Mass Piracy is found first. Which should be on CSPAN any minute now...

      I don't get CSPAN, got a torrent?

  3. Re:War of Foo! by Sensible+Clod · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why do the rest of the American public sit there

    You haven't seen much of the American public, have you?

    --

    The difference between spam and poop is that you don't have to dig through septic tanks looking for real food. -- Me
  4. Let me guess... by chriswaclawik · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... they staffed the post with a pirate's mortal enemy: a ninja.

    --
    A guy walks into a bar... well, I forgot the joke, but the punchline is that he's an alcoholic.
  5. Hans Bwix?! by Kurt+Gray · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hans Bwix you're busting my baws here! I told you we don't have any piwated pwogwams!

    1. Re:Hans Bwix?! by op12 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Wrong country, but he's still ronery :)

  6. Chinese Nukes by spaztech · · Score: 3, Funny

    I believe the threat of Chinese nukes should take priority over whether or not Xi Chuan has an illegal copy of Windows Vista. Let the software companies handle the software and let the President worry over oil.. I mean world peace.

    Please don't mod funny, it's not.

    --
    /. spaztech ./
    1. Re:Chinese Nukes by richdun · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'd be even more concerned about this temporal agent Xi Chuan, who was somehow able to travel 10 years into the future and grab a copy of Windows Vista.

  7. My first thought by shish · · Score: 2, Funny

    Bush came to slashdot and made a post declaring a war on pirates?

    --
    I mod down anyone who says "I will be modded down for this", regardless of the rest of their comment
  8. War on Piracy by hosecoat · · Score: 2, Funny
    I support this new war on piracy, it sounds like a serious issue. According to Wikipedia
    "Seaborne piracy against transport vessels remains a significant problem (with estimated worldwide losses of $13 to $16 billion USD per year), particularly in the waters between the Pacific and Indian oceans, and specifically in the straits of Malacca and Singapore, used by over 50,000 commercial ships a year." link
  9. First order of business... by FellowConspirator · · Score: 5, Funny

    The initial stage of the anti-piracy campaign will be broken down into several simple goals:

    1. Ban all imports of Jolly Roger flags
    2. Prohibit over-the-counter sales of eye-patches; they will now be prescription-only
    3. Shore up the Endangered Species act to stem the parrot trade
    4. Increase the cannon and powder tax three-fold
    5. Remove the letter 'R' from the alphabet

    If that doesn't stop piracy, nothing will. Er, I guess nothing will... nevermind.

  10. Pissing on the rug by gizmo_mathboy · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...but that rug really pulled the room together.