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HOWTO: The Anti-Printer
Compu486 writes "Inventgeek.com has an interesting article on modding laser printers. In this how to mod they have converted a standard Xerox laser printer into an automatic high volume paper shredder. Just what we need to take care of those pesky alien autopsy photos, TPS reports, and Apple & IBM's CPU Contracts."
Big deal...at my office there's a printer that randomly shreds documents without any sort of modification. ^_^
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~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
pesky alien autopsy photos
Aliens are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
"I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google"
...modding a fax machine or photocopier like this :)
I would like a modded HP toner+drum cartridge that randomly shreds documents. Then I could cause much hilarity in the office as the presentation-making, paper-shifting, twoddle-spouting marketing types try to print off their presentations 5 minutes before their meetings.
Now if I could just mod that paper shredder into a laser printer
I thought not.
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
Just what we need to take care of those pesky alien autopsy photos
I believe that the submitter was referring to this Xerox "real customer testimonials" advertisement.
Do you like German cars?
I'm waiting for the duplex version of this mod, so I can print then shred my documents in one go, Futerama bureaucrat style.
Uhm ... you do realise that ATMs don't actually PRINT the money they dispense, right?
How come I was expecting the article to be about installing Linux on the printer?
Now instead of deleting pdf documents I can just print them to the shredder.
The sad thing is, if I say that out loud here, it would probably become office policy.
Speaking of shredders, I remember seeing a handheld, wand-shaped, shredder for sale once. My first thought was that this was a dumb idea. Then, I realized that they would be perfect for those goobers that are constantly shoving flyers at you when you walk into a shopping mall or down city streets. I can just see how the interaction would go:
[goober] Would you like a flyer explaining our cause to fight discrimination against people with excessive ear hair? It's also good for 10% off a facial a Chez Whositz.
[me] Sure, thanks! {immediately runs it through handy shredder}
[goober] you're an asshole, you know that?
[me] {chuckling to myself}...yea....
A goal is a dream with a deadline
Don't worry. Tune in next week for a tutorial on how to turn a broken shredder into a fully functioning laser printer!
Results may vary, of course...
Bah, it would be cool if they used the laser to shred the papers into tiny little confetti. Then we could begin the whole "printers with lasers on their heads" comment storm!
Send email from the afterlife! Write your e-will at Dead Man's Switch.
What? You mean they give you used money? I just took a bath in my money pool! Gah! I feel so dirty. I need to take a shower!!!
Try out fish, the friendly interactive shell.
Dearest Mods: No, this is not a troll, just a potentially lame attempt at humor. This is a troll.
Set laser printers on stun!
Underholdning.info
"This motor is actually scavenged from an additional paper shredder"
Sooo, take one functioning printer, one functioning shredder, combine the two and what do you have; one functioning shredder that looks like a printer and a pile of spare parts
I love mods for mods sake
A young executive is leaving the office late one night when he finds the CEO standing over the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"This is a very sensitive official document," says the CEO. "My secretary's gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Sure," says the junior exec as he turns on the shredder and hits the start button.
"Great," says the CEO. "I just need one copy."
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2B1ASK1
"PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
Of course it runs NetBSD. BTC: 1NT7QvbetmANwaMzhpVL6
but I want both.
I need the shredder on the output of the laser printer for the ultimate in secure documents that are so secure that they must be shredded as they are printed.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
There are Chevette Fans? I never knew...
"We don't know what we are doing, but we are doing it very carefully,..." Wherry, R.J. Personnel Psychology (1995)
Reminds me of the time we got the high speed paper shredder and put it in the copy room next to the high speed band printer. The other tech and I looked at each, grinned, and promptly fed the output from the continous feed printer into the input of the shredder. It was a close race, but the shredder won, proving conclusively that it is easier to destroy than create.
For a cost of "$200-$800" and they couldn't even get it to cross-cut shred!
Nor does it run NetBSD. I've got this great toaster that....
"experanced", yeah...
Something between esperance and rancid? ;-)
See, by actually building stuff yourself, you deprive business owners of the profits that they're pretty much about to be guaranteed by upcoming crappy legislation. So by by building instead of buying, you're damaging the economy.
... you're gonna be labeled ... a TERRORIST !!!
You're not a fool
{cue Monty Python Lumberjack music}
Oh, I'm a Terrorist and I'm okay,
I scheme at night, and I plot all day.
{a group of riot police show up for the chorus}
Oh, he's a Terrorist and he's okay,
He schemes at night, and he plots all day.
I blow things up, I train at camp,
I hate all different than me.
On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
{chorus}
He blows things up, he trains at camp,
He hates all different than me.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea.
I kill random folks, I skip and jump,
I think of the afterlife for hours,
I like to put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
{chorus}
*CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK* (sounds of rounds being chambered)
We have printers on our network with the following names:
shredder
pc_load_a4
toner_low
paper_jam
warming_up
fax_machine
The helpdesk tickets are rather amusing.
"There are Chevette Fans?"
A friend of mine married a very elegant French woman who insisted that he buy her a "sporty car". So, one day he handed her a set of keys with a fob that said "Vette".
It was all hugs and kisses, until she got to the window, at which point her mood changed (permanently, I think).
Screw that... I'd be fixing a blown small block Chevy to a ginormous grinder before I'd get one of those. I'd make the shredder only Tim Allen and myself could love! Ohhh oh oh...
Mine will shred bowling balls, whole cabinets full of 3-ring binders and an entire meeting room full of PHBs... All at once!
I'm the evil midnight shredder what shreds at midnight! Bwahahahahaha!
--It's the only jib I've got Baby!
Constitutional rights may be respected, repealed, or modified; but they must never be ignored.
Ouch! I feel sorry for the person who decides to photocopy their bum!