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Google Plans To Destroy Unindexed Information

Posted by Zonk on from the bow-before-the-google-rays-pitiful-mortals dept.

linolium writes "Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to 'organize the world's information,' announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index. 'Book burning is just the beginning," said Google co-founder Larry Page. 'This fall, we'll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers.'" FYI; it's The Onion, so yes, it's a joke.

13 of 319 comments (clear)

  1. In other news by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Slashdot vows to destory all fake articles.

  2. As if dupes weren't enough... by NETHED · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now slashdot is quoting THE ONION as real news. Wow, I want my subscription money back.

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    --sig fault--
    1. Re:As if dupes weren't enough... by strredwolf · · Score: 4, Funny

      Subscription money? I want the cost of all the bandwidth I used back! Someone better switch the Google logo to the funny logo.

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      # Canmephians for a better Linux Kernel
      $Stalag99{"URL"}="http://stalag99.net";
  3. I love the Onion... by BlabberMouth · · Score: 5, Funny

    this reminds me of Bill Gates decision to raise his Charisma to 25.

  4. This is worse than the winzip ad! by 0xdeaddead · · Score: 5, Funny

    Did you see that? thats /. jumping the shark.

  5. No problem by Infinityis · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wouldn't worry too much, your stuff should still be safe. I hear it takes them awhile to get these things out of Beta...

  6. Now, now by Dark+Paladin · · Score: 5, Funny

    I know it doesn't show up on the main page, but the "Monty Python humor foot" is visible when you click the link. I'm sure anyone with a shred of a sense of humor would recognize it's a joke.

    Ease up, cowboy. There will be a dupe you can complain about coming along in 5 minutes. My money's on the "Microsoft employee virus chaser" myself - anyone want to place bets that "Freespire" is the next dupe?

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    52 Weeks, 52 Religions with John Hummel
  7. Re:Humor Alert by ArbitraryConstant · · Score: 5, Funny

    "When did /. get a sense of humor?"

    It didn't, they just did their usual amount of fact checking.

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    I rarely criticize things I don't care about.
  8. good thing by cybergrunt69 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ya know, this is really a good thing! I was really wondering how I was gonna hide all that stuff I didn't want the cops/feds to find out about me. Now, I don't have to worry about it - the all-knowing all-powerful Google Purge service will make sure my computer is clean!



    OTOH, I sent this page to some friends, and they actually believed it for a few minutes... I need new friends...

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    --- "To ignore race and sex is racist and sexist!" -- Jesse Jackson
  9. In the spirit of the Onion... by NanoGator · · Score: 5, Funny

    I refuse to RTFA because it's obviously an ad for the Onion. They make their money by serving ads while I read their amusing parodies. Well I, for one, refuse to read anything that isn't pasted to me in clear text completely sanitized of ads and recommended to me by a disinterested 3rd party. I know it seems a bit hypocritical of me to post a comment on an ad-supported site about how I won't read the article of another ad-supported site, but I really love the prestige of having the word 'Insightful' appear next to my nick.

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    "Derp de derp."
  10. What are the odds... by Baloo+Ursidae · · Score: 4, Funny
    About a year ago, I wrote to Google and said, "Hey, could you advocate Jabber?" And now there's Google Talk.

    Meanwhile, just last night, I wrote to Google and said, "OK, you find everything on the Internet, you find what I need to get stuff done at work on my workstation, but why can't you find my car keys?" And now they're going to do that.

    Apparently, this means we can all stop submitting Google headlines to Slashdot. Ask me instead.

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    Help us build a better map!
  11. Re:I, for one... by fcolari · · Score: 4, Funny

    Google search reveals: 23,900,000 for "Jesus"... 6,410,000 for "Beatles"... 251,000,000 for "Google". 'Nuff said.

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    "The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the pieces." --Aldo Leopold (Paraphrased)
  12. Which Google? by fbg111 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to 'organize the world's information,'

    Oh, that Google. Thanks for the elaboration, yes I've heard of them before.

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