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Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market

Posted by Zonk on from the funny-dvorak-article-blink-and-you'll-miss-it dept.

DigitalDame2 writes "With news of there being 7 Vista editions, PC Magazine Columnist John C. Dvorak takes a hilarious spin on the different Vistas with some recommendations of his own. How about the Vista Porn Edition? All the great porn sites would be pre-bookmarked. Gamer Case-Mod Edition? It can be ultraoptimized for games with a blinking hard-drive light. You can even go as far as the Microsoft Vista for Costco Customers: the Cheaper Edition."

10 of 456 comments (clear)

  1. Hmm by NanoGator · · Score: 5, Funny

    "How about the Vista Porn Edition?"

    Go on....

    --
    "Derp de derp."
    1. Re:Hmm by wo1verin3 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Reminds me of a tech support call from 5 years ago.

      The guy kept complaining since he visited a certain website a little animated woman was dancing on his task bar and offering him more pictures of her for $30.

      I thought about this for a moment and asked...

      "For $35 I'll help you remove her but for only $30 you can have more pictures... you're sure you want to go ahead with this?"

  2. Porn Edition Already Exists by deutschemonte · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just install XP w/o service packs or a firewall.

    You'll have a computer loaded with porn (pop-ups) in no time.

    --
    The preceding message was based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.
  3. Re:Ain't it funny? by nb+caffeine · · Score: 5, Funny

    at least they got SOMETHING working crossplatform :)

    --

    "Something's wrong with you...and I hope we never do meet again." - Deftones When Girls Telephone Boys
  4. Ballmer (obligatory chair throwing) by putko · · Score: 5, Funny

    ZONK: They see through your market segmentation strategy. I'm quitting.

    Ballmer: Anybody but Dvorak. Just tell me it isn't fucking Dvorak who sees through my segmentation strategy.

    ZONK: Yes, it's Dvorak. He sees right through it. And he says your Kung Fu is shit.

    (chair flies through air) CRASH!

    Ballmer: Dvorak is a fucking PUSSY! I will kill Dvorak. I've killed all the other media bitches and will so fucking kill Dvorak!

    --
    http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/when_to_s tone_your_children/dt21_18a.html
  5. Re:Other Versiona by daniil · · Score: 5, Funny

    How about Vista Dvorak edition? It would try -- and always fail -- to predict what you want to do, and then "do" it. The only way to turn this option off would be to wipe the hard disk.

    --
    Man is a slave because freedom is difficult, whereas slavery is easy.
  6. Bad Joke Warning by RealityMogul · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you take Dvorak's Kiddie Edition, and bundle it with the Porn Edition, do you call it the... no... wait... I just can't go through with it.

  7. Re:Good informative link by hcob$ · · Score: 5, Funny

    Gotta love the conceptual diagram:

    Vista Enterprise: "Optimized for the Enterprise"

    So.... is that NCC-1701, NCC-1701A, NCC-1701B, NCC-1701C, NCC-1701D, or NCC-1701E?

    --
    Cliff Claven
    K.E.G. Party Chairman
    Founding Leader of: Koncerned for Egalitarin Governance
  8. Windows Vista: Slashdot Edition by 8127972 · · Score: 5, Funny

    This version moderates your documents and has a Zonk process that dupes your files needlessly.

    --
    This is my opinion. To make sure you don't steal it, it's covered by the DMCA.
  9. Re:No such thing by Quinn_Inuit · · Score: 5, Funny
    That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.

    Well, that's not very hard, now, is it?

    For instance, the boy band is going to be somewhat effeminate and very popular with young girls. It'll be a shame that none of them can play instruments, but their androgynous crooning will win them the hearts of many.

    The edgy female punk/pop singer, OTOH, will be a big hit with the high school goth crowd despite her questionable singing voice and constant fights with her band members, most of whom are more talented than her.

    The country music phenom of the year's hit song, "American to the bone" will be a gritty, patriotic anthem of the NASCAR dads in the country, but later albums will reveal that they only bought this one because of the picture of the singer and his supermodel wife on the cover.

    See? I've got all my snarky pop culture commentary out of the way for the whole year. Sweet!

    --

    Stop learning! Only you can prevent esoterrorism.