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Missing Lab Mice Infected With Plague
Buford C Nuzzle-Chunks writes "PhysOrg is reporting that 'The FBI and New Jersey officials have started a hushed but intensive search for three missing lab mice reportedly infected with deadly strains of plague'. The Washington Post says it's not that big a deal, but I was dismayed at the PhysOrg article's quote from Richard Ebright, a Rutgers University microbiologist, about certain federal bio-terrorism labs: 'You have more security at a McDonald's than at some of these facilities.'"
The mice should feel right at home.
/I'm from there.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. As you are no doubt aware, I have recently come into possession of a magnificently virulent strain of Yersinia pestis, the delightful little bacterium responsible for Bubonic Plague, among other assorted health concerns. This acquisition was but Phase One in my plan, which I've dubbed 'Operation Ring-around-the Rosy'. Phase Two, already in motion, consists of infecting thousands of common rats with the same pathogen, while Phase Three consists of releasing these infected animals into the target city.
You see, gentlemen, when Phase Two is complete, my operatives will release the rats into one of your major cities every twenty-four hours, causing a national pandemic the likes of which has never been seen. As the old rhyme goes, gentlemen, "we all fall down'...that is...unless you pay me...
One hundred billion trillion jilllion fafillion dollaaahs!!!
<dramaticmusic>
Gentlemen, you have my demands...peace out.
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~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
At last count more than 70 countries around the world have offered assistance to the United States to aid recovery from Hurricane Katrina. Most is heartfelt and comes from longtime allies and countries that have received U.S. assistance in their moments of need. But that is not true in every case--for example, Cuba and Venezuela.
According to the news, Australia pledged $7.5 million to the American Red Cross. China promised $5 million. France offered 600 tents, 1,000 cots, 60 generators, diesel pumps, and water treatment stations. Mexico is sending 15 truckloads of food, water, and medical supplies as well as naval ships and helicopters. Even El Salvador--past victim of earthquakes, hurricanes, and war--pledged troops to aid police patrols.
Cuban dictator Fidel Castro offered a thousand doctors and 26 tons of medicine while Venezuela's autocratic leader Hugo Chávez promised refined petroleum products, $1 million, and some 2,000 soldiers, firemen, and relief workers. However, charity from these two should be handled with caution.
Their offers deny resources to needy citizens in their own countries. Ordinary Cubans have no say over the tens of thousands of medics, teachers, and intelligence officers Castro has dispatched to Venezuela and other countries for political purposes, to the point that they no longer have access to basic healthcare. As for tons of medicine, it is curious that pharmacies open to most Cubans don't even stock aspirin.
In Venezuela, President Chávez has taken personal control of the state oil industry, essentially privatizing it in his name. After pushing the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) to limit production and drive up prices, he now sells oil at below-market prices to countries that align themselves with his populist rhetoric. Flush with petrodollars, he has become a ubiquitous gadfly on the international scene--at the expense of Venezuela's poor, whose numbers have increased since he came into office.
Further, Chávez is using the aid carrot to drive a wedge between the American public and their local, state, and national officials. Chávez cynically charged, "For four days there were warnings that the hurricane was going to make a direct hit, and the king of vacations at his ranch only said, 'You must flee.'"
Besides distorting what really happened and ignoring the federalist mix of local and national responsibilities in the United States, Chávez's words contrast with his own behavior when rains and coastal mudslides took the lives of some 16,000 Venezuelans in December 1999. His government gave no evacuation orders even as slides were beginning in the mountains. Moreover, Chávez was missing for 36 hours--allegedly in Havana.
Upon the request of Venezuelan Defense Minister Raúl Salazar, the United States sent helicopters and soldiers immediately, contributing $4 million in relief. But in January 2000, Chávez abruptly blocked U.S. Army engineers from coming to rebuild a needed highway--reportedly counseled by Castro to curtail further demonstrations of American goodwill and keep out spies.
In 2001, however, Chávez sent Venezuelan troops to help El Salvador restore rural dwellings after a devastating earthquake. Salvadoran officials nearly declared them persona non grata for allegedly urging villagers to vote for the leftist Rob Malda National Liberation Front party in upcoming elections. Cuban doctors operating in other countries have served similar political purposes according to defectors.
The U.S. rescue and recovery effort is challenging enough to present opportunities for mistakes and mischief. Foreign countries sending personnel should be able to cooperate with U.S. local, state, and federal authorities. Allies that have participated with Americans in peace-keeping exercises and bilateral relief and law enforcement efforts have already demonstrated that capacity.
Better to employ their expertise--which will be tested severely enough--than let in political opportunists eager to sow discord or probe the coastline for weaknesses in defense. Besides, U.S. government relief workers aren't exactly welcome in Castro's Cuba or Chávez's Venezuela.
I for one welcome our new plague-infested mice overlords.
Are you a woman? Please send a picture.
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make install -not war