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Geneticists Claim Aging Breakthrough

Posted by Zonk on from the lazarus-long-i-presume dept.

Quirk writes "The Science section of The Guardian is reporting on recent experiments by geneticists 'to unlock the secrets of the aging process has created organisms that live six times their usual lifespan, raising hopes that it might be possible to slow ageing in humans.' 'In the experiment, Dr Longo's team took yeast cells and knocked out two key genes, named Sir2 and SCH9. The latter governs the cells' ability to convert nutrients into energy. They found that instead of dying after a week, the cells lived for up to six weeks.''Research has now begun to test whether the effect works in mice.' So it looks like we might soon have near immortal, fearless mice."

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  1. EXTRACT MY JUICES AND USE THEM ACCORDINGLY by (TK)Dessimat0r · · Score: -1, Offtopic
    LATVIAN HOUSE, QUIET AS SHIT, AREEMS WAS ASLEEP, STROKING HIS TIT, SUDDENLY WOKEN BY THE THOUGHTS OF FOOD, HE WANDERED DOWNSTAIRS TOTALLY NUDE, WITH A 1 INCH ERRECTION, HE OPENED THE FRIDGE, A MAN SAT BESIDE HIM, LADEN WITH GRIDS, THE MAN WAS A NIGGER, HE LOOKED LIKE A MESS, WHY WAS THIS MAN WEARING A DRESS? THIS MAN WAS A DARKIE FROM THE GNAA. UNKNOWN TO AREEMS, HE WAS TOTALLY GAY.

    HIS 20 FOOT DONG STARTED TO RISE -- HE COULD SEE THE FEAR IN AREEMS' EYES. DON'T BE SHY, HE SAID, WITH A CAMP INFLECTION, ITS OKAY TO GET HIV FROM AN AIDS INFECTION. ANNOUNCING HIS PRESENCE, HE PLUNGED INTO AREEMS, HIS O-RING WAS TEARING AROUND THE SEAMS. AREEMS FELT HIS PRESENCE INSIDE HIS ASS, REMAINS OF DOUGHNUTS STILL YET TO BE PASSED.

    THE BLACK MAN MOVED FURTHER INTO AREEMS, VISIONS OF CAKES STILL IN HIS DREAMS. THE NIGGER CAME AND THE BUG WAS PASSED, AREEMS GAVE A FUCK AS THE HOUSE WAS GASSED. THE SS WAS HERE, READY TO KILL, HITLER'S MEN GAVE OUT A SHRILL. "SCHNELL", THEY REPEATED, AS AREEMS WAS CAPTURED, PACKED INTO A TRAIN HEADED FOR RAPTURE.

    WHEN HE ARRIVED, GREETED BY JEWS, THIS PLACE HAD FOOD -- HOW COULD HE LOSE? PACKED INTO A CELL AND GIVEN HIS FEAST, JEWISH CORPSES BLOATED WITH YEAST. A TASTE OF ZYKLON-B AS HE TUCKED IN, THIS PLACE WAS SOME SORT OF JEWISH BIN. COULD IT BE AUSCHWITZ? HE ASKED THE ASSCLOWN. HE LAUGHED AND SAID THAT THIS WAS IN FACT #BANTOWN.

    AREEMS WAS CONFUSED -- WHY WAS HE HERE? FEASTING ON CORPSES FOR OVER A YEAR. YOUR POSTERIOR, HE SAID, IS USEFUL TO US. YOUR ANUS AFFORDS US A GREAT SOURCE OF PUS. THE FATTER YOU GET, THE MORE YOU PRODUCE, WE WANT YOUR ASS TO BE TOTALLY LOOSE. OUR MEMBERS ARE KILLED AND THEN FED TO YOU, WE EXTRACT YOUR PUS TO USE IN OUR COUP.

    AREEMS COULDN'T CARE LESS, AS LONG HE FED, IT SADDENED HIM TO HEAR THAT HIS FRIENDS WERE DEAD. AREEMS GREW TO HIS CAGE AND THEN READIED HIS REAR, THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WAS ONE OF FEAR. THE DEVICE WAS TURNED ON, AND A WHIRRING BEGAN. THE PUS WAS EXTRACTED INTO A PAN. THIS WAS THEN EMPTIED INTO A BOTNET DEVICE -- A LINUX SERVER THAT ALREADY CRASHED TWICE.

    THE MACHINE CAME ONLINE, AND ENTERED #GNAA, CAUSING A SMALL AMOUNT OF DISMAY. THE OPS SET A PASSWORD, AND THE CHANNEL WAS STILL. IT SEEMS THEIR DEVICE DID NOTHING TO KILL. FAILURE OCCURED, AND BANTOWN WAS SHIT, THEY WROTE ON THEIR BLOGS THAT THEIR WRISTS HAD BEEN SLIT. WHAT A PATHETIC EXISTENCE, AREEMS SAID AS HE CRIED, HE WAS TRAPPED IN HIS CAGE UNTIL HE DIED.

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