Depressed Hamsters Help Researchers

Ant wrote to mention an ABC News article indicating that hampsters feel the same effects during the winter months as humans do. Known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), winter-related depression affects up to 20 percent of Americans. From the article: "For example, if the animals spend more time hovering near the walls of their containers, rather than at the center, it's believed they feel more anxious. If they decline to slurp up tempting offers of sugar water, scientists take it as a sign of depression. Another test involves placing the animals in water and seeing if they swim or simply give up and float. Hamsters don't sink apparently, but float in water. 'The sooner they give up in the water, the more depressed they are,' Pyter said. 'If you give them an antidepressant they don't give up as quickly.'"

Comments

Chain of logic.

[Joe Random]

Hamsters don't sink apparently, but float in water.

They float in water? Hmm.... What else floats?
Ducks.

And what weighs the same as a duck?
A witch.

And what do you do with witches?
Burn them, of course.

And what else do you burn aside from witches?
More Witches!

Yes, yes, but aside from witches. What else do you burn?
Wood?

Yes! And what do you do with wood aside from burning it?
Build bridges out of it, of course.

And there you go. Irrefutible proof that hamsters can be used as cheap, self reproducing construction material. Just think of the possibilities!
??????
Profit!