How To Enable Mom w/ Encrypted E-Mail?

mad.frog asks: "Given the recent revelations of the Bush administration spying on US citizens without warrants -- and their promise to continue doing so -- it's clearly high time for me to switch to encrypted email, after years of being too lazy to bother. The real question is how I can get all (or at least some) of my email contacts to switch as well; clearly, encryption does me no good if the recipient can't decode it. What are my options, and more importantly, what are the options that will be comprehensible and usable by my parents, and in-laws? (Keep in mind that good solutions must include robust Windows and Mac support...)"

Comments

Stymie the goons in charge

[ratsnapple tea]

Just sprinkle big, intellectual-ish words like "multilateral," "constitutionally legitimate," and "evolutionary" into your emails. They'll never figure out what you're talking about.

One word

[CGP314]

How To Enable Mom w/ Encrypted E-Mail?

Don't.


-Colin

solution

[Anonymous Coward]

use one time pads. the only REAL secure solution.

create two DVD-RW full of matched data, generate them in a secure, offsore location with only hardware generated random sequences. Regualrly test the randomness to 10 decimal places. mail one to yourself, the other to your mom. use rinetd and tripp to notice when you send email (or whatever you really want to hide) to her and reroute the pacets to new port, then xor the payload through the DVD random data. ... you know, use the pad. use 25X overwrite on the DVD after using each file, then microwave, crush and burn the DVD after you are done with it.

secure the windows and the whole room in the location where your mom reads her mail - run daily scans for physical intrusions, and run complete spyware and virus scans on her machine hourly. buy her a new keyboard weekly, or have her only check mail on verified, non- replaceable hardware components. think like them.

padworks.com

Ah...

[Black Parrot]

So your mom's a drug dealer too, eh?

Really Simple...

[kilocomp]

Just go up stairs and tell her what you would have written in the email.

Two things come to mind...

[HavokDevNull]

1. What are you trying to hide?

2. Tell me where Osama Bin Laden is

.

Go High Tech

[DynaSoar]

Develop an encryption table that produces shapes similar to the screen characters created by the ASCII characters you want to transmit*.

Obtain a molecular transfer device that puts a dark material on semi-permiable surfaces, such as the paper you use in your printer.

Encode your message by placing dark marks on the paper. Seal it in an opaque layer of similar material and encode the physical address of the recipient on the outside.

You can then purchase a government document (for less than the cost of a cup of cofee, or of supporting a third world waif for a day) from a government agency tasked with transfering such encrypted information, afix it to the outside of the "envelope", and trick the 3\/1L goobermint into delivering your secret message for you.

If you REALLY want to be certain of your security, you can seal the "envelope" with the semi-transparent film developed by the security firm "3-M". The adhesive on one side of the film prevents unauthorized opening.

Of course this is all for naught due to the CIA's "remote viewers" unless you remain in motion. So when you're encrypting/molecular transfering, it's important to run around in circles so they can't focus on you. A tin foil hat won't actually help, but wearing one while running in circles will prevent those around you from asking pesky questions. Remember: shiny side out, otherwise a feedback loop can occur and cause dain bramage.

* As an alternative, entirely graphical representations can be developed. Pictures created with polychromatic, wax-based molecular transfer devices are especially attactive to moms, who tend to archive them on the outside of their refrigerator.

Who needs encryption! use family sarcasm

[chivo243]

If the feds or any other government agency could really interpret what "IS" really meant when my bro says "Christmas is at Aunt Bertha's next year, the kids can't wait, it will be fun for all." --- Translation: "Shit! crazy Aunt Bertha and her big, smelly dogs are hosting christmas this year, we all have to go kids included, that means cousin Steve's terror tribe will be there too, that's gonna suck!"
So you can see that family sarcasm can easily eliminate the need for encryption.

Simple solution

[nizo]

...encryption does me no good if the recipient can't decode it.

Simply included an encrypted and plaintext version in every email; problem solved!

no real point

[theonetruekeebler]

Gene Spafford made a good analogy:

Using encryption on the Internet is equivalent of arranging an armored car to deliver credit card information from someone living in a cardboard box to someone living on a park bench.

In other words, it makes no difference how well she encrypted her last e-mail to you when I've already installed a keystroke logger on her machine---and yours.