Know Thy Bosses

The Guardian Gamesblog has a piece on knowing your enemy to better pwn him. Specifically, they go through some tried and true rules about surviving boss battles. From the article: "If the boss stops, panic. Bosses usually move about - when they stop it means they're about to unleash their signature move, the aforementioned fist or laser blast. Try to avoid being parallel to them when they stop. Unless, of course, it's the sort of boss who blasts the whole screen apart from the thin corridor directly in front of them. In this case stay where you are."

Comments

"Stay where you are?"

[js92647]

Try to avoid being parallel to them when they stop. Unless, of course, it's the sort of boss who blasts the whole screen apart from the thin corridor directly in front of them. In this case stay where you are.

I see. So, if he's blasting the whole screen apart then it's no use to back out or hide behind something; simply stay where you are? I doubt be person who wrote this ever played Mario.

Take a break. If you feel yourself becoming enraged beyond the realms of human endurance, give up and do something less stressful for a few minutes - like filling in a tax return.

Is that a joke?

If all these tactics fail, it's not your fault, it's the designer's. Simply take the game back to the shop and demand a refund. Consider it a moral victory. These always make us feel good, even when they're achieved over fictional beasts with gigantic fists.

I see. So, it's the designers fault if a person can't beat the game simply because the final boss is actually _supposed_ to be just that, a final challenge? I see. Well, I guess I wasted all those hours trying to beat games and finally getting through them. Should have saved my time and money and just "returned the game" -- which by the way, in North America, you can't. I just hope that this whole story is a joke, because if it isn't, society has failed

Re:"Stay where you are?"

[Anonymous Coward]

Is that a joke?

Yes, it is. Now those pompous British will be sneering that Americans can't get sarcasm. Thanks a lot, amigo.

You're kidding write?

[shoptroll]

Since when is something as common-sense as this article concept considered newsworthy?