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Internet Explorer Not Dead Yet

turnitover writes "The future's not all Firefox, Deer Park and Camino, insists Microsoft. At its Mix '06 conference in Las Vegas, reports Microsoft Watch, company execs insisted that there's a bright future for IE. They not only distributed a 'layout-complete' build of IE 7.0, but offered hints about what the new version of the browser geeks love to disdain (yes, it will include ActiveX) will include. Also shown: tools to test IE compatibility. But with what? Standards or IE 6?"

10 of 498 comments (clear)

  1. Oh boy! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can't WAIT to watch the objective analysis that this thread will surely contain.

  2. Ash by thatguywhoiam · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Its a trick. Get an axe."

    --
    If Jesus wants me it knows where to find me.
  3. IE may not be dead yet by RLiegh · · Score: 5, Funny

    But it's certainly beginning to smell like it is!

  4. MS says IE isn't dead? by Jesselnz · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm sure FreeBSD is saying the same thing...

  5. Good thing too! by clevershark · · Score: 5, Funny

    The decision was cheered as "guaranteed work for the next decade" by computer security experts worldwide.

    --

    My sig is too lon

  6. Re:ACID 2.0 Test by ELProphet · · Score: 5, Funny

    Neglecting Firefox's inability to pass Acid 2.0. this might be better for you.

  7. It's just resting! by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
    > But it's certainly beginning to smell like it is!

    Dont' worry, it'll be stone dead in a minute.
    $ rm -rf /source/vista/ie7/*

    But seriously...

    User: I wish to make a complaint!
    Ballmer: (hurriedly) Sorry, we're about to ship Vista.
    User: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this web browser, what came bundled not five years ago from this very operating system.
    Ballmer: Oh yes, IE, ah, version 6. What's, ah... W-what's wrong with it?
    User: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
    Ballmer: No, no, It's ah... it's undergoing a security upgrade.
    User: Look, matey, I know a dead browser when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
    Ballmer: No no, i-it's not dead, it's... getting its user interface upgraded!
    User: User interface?
    Ballmer: Y-yeah, the UI. Upgradin'. Remarkable browser, IE, isn't it, eh? Beautiful layouts!
    User: The layout-complete build don't enter into it. It's stone dead!
    Ballmer: Nononono, no, no! 'E's bein' upgraded!
    User: All right then, if he's bein' upgraded, I'll run 'im!
    (starts typing)
    IEXPLORE.EXE! C:\MYDOCU~1\HELLO.JPG
    Looky looky looky! Happily rendering the Goatse Guy! Hey, IE, I've got lots of lovely RAM for you if you're running, Mr. Internet Explorer!)
    (pounds keyboard)
    Ballmer: There, the page refreshed!
    User: No, he didn't, that was you clicking reload!
    Ballmer: I never!!
    User: Yes, you did!
    Ballmer: I never, never....
    (pounding Ctrl-Alt-Del on the keyboard again)
    User: HELLO, WORLD! HELLO TASK MANAGER! PLEASE WAKE UP!
    Now that's what I call a dead browser.
    Ballmer: No, no.... No, it's just running a signed ActiveX Control in the background.
    User: A ACTIVEX CONTROL!?!?
    Ballmer: Yeah! You invoked an ActiveX control, just as it was wakin' up! Believe me, IE runs those easily, major!
    User: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That browser is definitely deceased, and when I booted its PC up after buyin' it not half an hour ago, you assured me that the PC's total lack of computational power was due to it being tired and shagged out after a prolonged virus scan.
    Ballmer: Well, he's... it's, ah... probably needin' activation and authorization with Windows Genuine Advantage.
    User: WINDOWS Genuine ADVANTAGE?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did the OS crash flat on its back the moment I plugged it into the router?
    Ballmer: The Norwegian Bluescreen prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable UI, though, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely layout-complete screenshots!
    User: (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that browser cache when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that the PC had anything to run on its hard drive in the first place was that it had been bundled in there along with the spyware and the DRM.
    Ballmer: Well, of course it has DRM there! If I hadn't bundled that browser and nailed everything down with DRM, all the content would have nuzzled up to those wires at the back, bent 'em apart with its little bits, and VOOM!
    User: "VOOM?" Look matey, this browser wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand kilobytes of W3C standards through it! It's bleedin' demised!
    Ballmer: It's not! I-It's just authenticating!
    User: It's not authenticatin,' it's passed on! This browser is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late software release! It's a stiff! Bereft of RAM, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the system with DRM and your monopoly it'd be pushing up the daisies! Its spawned processes are of interest only to historians! It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an INACTIVE X!
    Ballmer: Well, I'd better upgrade it, then.

    (I'll stop it now. It's silly.)

  8. mhm.. by niXcamiC · · Score: 5, Funny
    The future's not all Firefox, Deer Park and Camino

    Right, its Opera.

    ducks

    --
    Chances are any disscution on Slashdot will degrade into a flamewar about ID/Christianity within 14 posts.
  9. Re:Standards and Bueller, both missing. by twistedsymphony · · Score: 5, Funny

    he better not die, he said he was going to get me out of summer school!

  10. Re:ACID 2.0 Test by Karzz1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "What's important is that IE 7 is WAY more standards compliant than the previous version..."

    Dude, they couldn't be any less standards compliant than previous versions. They had nowhere to go but up.

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