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Wisdom From The Last Ninja

I Could Tell You But... writes "The AP has a story about ninjutsu master Masaaki Hatsumi, last living student of Japan's last 'fighting ninja.' He offers advice from the heart of Ninjadom, like 'always be able to kill your students,' and describes the current popular ninja image as 'pathetic.' At age 76, students are speculating on his successor, who may for the first time be non-Japanese." From the article: "As I cautiously raise the sword with a taut two-handed samurai grip, my sparring partner gingerly points to Hatsumi. I avert my eyes for a split second - and WHAM! The next thing I know, I'm staring at the rafters. Keeping your focus is just one of the lessons thumped out on the mats of the Bujinkan Dojo, a cramped school outside Tokyo that is a pilgrimage site for 100,000 worldwide followers. They revere Hatsumi as the last living master of ninjutsu - the mysterious Japanese art of war practiced by black-masked assassins of yesteryear."

36 of 539 comments (clear)

  1. Like, wow by Life700MB · · Score: 2, Funny


    Ninjas kill all the time! And don't even think about it!


    --
    Superb hosting 20GB Storage, 1_TB_ bandwidth, ssh, $7.95

  2. Turtle Power. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    "They revere Hatsumi as the last living master of ninjutsu - the mysterious Japanese art of war practiced by black-masked assassins of yesteryear.""

    Oh man, the TMNT's are going to be so disappointed.

    1. Re:Turtle Power. by Overly+Critical+Guy · · Score: 4, Funny

      I was hanging out one night with some friends, talking about nothing in particular, and somehow I was on the topic of possible secret government hybrid projects. I mentioned they could create real life freak mutant turtles, four of them. One of the guys there said they wouldn't be freaks, our generation would worship them as demigods. I look back on my pop culture obsessed generation and realize, my god, we really would worship four half-man, half-mutant turtles as demigods.

      --
      "Sufferin' succotash."
  3. wow, ninjas by joe+155 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "always be able to kill you students" is brilliant advice... I know I'll be taking that one to heart when I'm lecturing... that'll show them for being late/taking phone calls/ talking over me. :)

    --
    *''I can't believe it's not a hyperlink.''
    1. Re:wow, ninjas by dakirw · · Score: 3, Funny

      It's only good advice if your students actually believe you can kill them.

      Not if you provide an object lesson! :)
  4. Students? by daeg · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sure, he can beat his students, but what about pirates?

    1. Re:Students? by larry+bagina · · Score: 2, Funny

      you know, it turns out that pirates were extremely smelly and extrememly homosexual. This should be obvious if you think it over -- hundred of men confined to a small space. Anyhow, when you consider that, "piracy" is the right word for slashdotters downloading warez.

      --
      Do you even lift?

      These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

  5. The Pirates will be pleased.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Their numbers continue to rise (according to the *AA anyway)...

  6. Haru, you are truly the Great White Ninja. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Did I say ninja? I meant ninny. Haru, you are such a ninny.

  7. I wonder if he teaches . . . by PeeAitchPee · · Score: 4, Funny

    . . . about Real Ultimate Power?

  8. News for anime fags, inane koans that matter by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yeah, I'll be sure to stay prepared to kill my students. Fat programmers with aspergers can never be too careful.

  9. Perhaps you should ask... A NINJA by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    When I was a young boy, I awoke every morning to the delicious smell of pancakes. My mother, and father's dojo contained within it a hot griddle perfect for making pancakes, waffles, and a multitude of other pancake-like breakfast pastries. I remember them well -- The pleasant, care-free days of my childhood in the dojo were often spent peering into the kitchen with eager anticipation as my mother prepared pancakes my family.

    As I grew older, and began my journey to spiritual enlightenment, the memories of my pancake-eating youth filled my heart and dreams with warm, fluffy goodness....Ahhh, yes..the sweet, sweet memories... The day I ate 10 pancakes... The day I placed a warm pancake between my fleshy loins and performed the forbidden dance... The day pressed a pancake to my buttocks and encouraged my dog to come eat.. Indeed, much of my childhood was spent in pure innocence -- An innocence only pancakes can provide. It was heaven. A heaven, filled with pancakes, where I sat at the throne of God, with my hand-maidens Aunt Jemimah and Mrs. Butterworth seated beside me. An indestructible triumvirate made of flour, eggs, sugar, milk, water, and love.

    By the age of 15, the path of my life became unclear and confusing. Torn between my duty my village and my love for pancakes, I foolishly left home in search of karaguchi ah-nowakadesu .. the ultimate pancake. My journey took me to the many islands of my homeland, many days away from my dojo. My hunger for pancakes became my teacher, and foolishly I let it control the path that I walked upon. My feet, sore from travel, ached as my heart and stomach did, until I came to a realization. My duty was clear. I needed to take a stand and accept my love for the art of the ninja AND my love for pancakes. It was not wrong for me to love both. I love one as a dear friend, and one as a lover. Yes--My mission was clear--I must become a ninja, a secret assassin hired by the imperial family BUT I MUST ALSO ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL PANCAKE.

    My adoration for breakfast cakes has placed me within an awkward position. Many ninja refuse to recognize me as their brother. I defend my father's land, but I am looked upon as weak and undisciplined. I tell them, "But, brothers! Listen to my plea! The pancakes do not weaken me, nor do they make me disobey the rule of my sword. They fill me with love." But alas, they do not understand...For the mind of a ninja is complex.

    My only earthly desire is to be accepted for who I am. Yes, I am a NINJA--But I also enjoy pancakes. Will you accept me? If you were approached by a ninja who requested a pancake, would you submit to his will?

  10. Re:Know what Really Pisses Me Off? by NeuroKoan · · Score: 1, Funny

    Well, assuming you are white, it is obvious that your words are motivated by greed or destroying the environment.

    --

    "However," replied the universe, "The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation."
  11. Everything You Ever Wanted To Know by itsdave · · Score: 4, Funny

    Everything you ever wanted to know about ninjas

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLWGgul_mZU

  12. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by layer3switch · · Score: 2, Funny

    Sniper Rifles aren't much good in close quarters combat..

    Would you like to find out? Meet me at the railroad near Queens Blvd. and 74th Street intersection where street light shines down on you and make sure you wear red coat with green hat.

    --
    "Don't let fools fool you. They are the clever ones."
  13. Feel the power! by minitual · · Score: 1, Funny

    "At age 76, students are speculating on his successor, who may for the first time be non-Japanese..."
    Chuck Norris anyone?

    1. Re:Feel the power! by Isaac-Lew · · Score: 3, Funny

      Chuck Norris is the reason there's only 1 ninja left - he killed the rest & he's saving the last one for a special occasion.

  14. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    OK, you're right. Sniper rifles aren't very good in close combat unless your opponent is agreeable to the propostion of meeting you under a street light by the railroad near Queens Blvd. and 74th Street intersection, wearing a red coat with a green hat.

  15. Re:Ninja skillz by RockWolf · · Score: 2, Funny

    Apparently, you lack ninja skills.

    --
    February 9th, 2009 8:55pm: Slashdot becomes self-aware.
  16. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Anyone can kill with a gun. % year old, to 100 year old . Plus the farther the range the more detationed from the kill.

    It takes a real man to drive a sword into somebody.

    By man, I mean psycho.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  17. It is obvious to the most simple minded fool that by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Chuck Norris will be chosen as successor.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  18. Bah. The real ninja tests are not in the article by SensitiveMale · · Score: 2, Funny

    1. Ninjas' are mammels.
    2. Ninja's fight all the time.
    3. The purpose of a ninja is to flip out and kill people

  19. Re:This is news for nerds? Stuff that matters? by RootsLINUX · · Score: 3, Funny

    Exactly what I was thinking. While I think ninja's are totally awesome like every other mammal on the planet, I think we all agree that not all nerds are also mammals.....

    Oh, god damn it. I just had a terrible vision of RMS in skin-tight ninja gear carrying out an assasination mission in Redmond. I think my only option is to commit seppuku at this point.

    --
    Hero of Allacrost, a FOSS RPG for *NIX/*BSD/OS X/Win
  20. Quick quiz... by chill · · Score: 2, Funny

    What "...preserves the honor of the Bujinkan members, it indicates you are part of a larger whole--one whose members come together with warrior hearts to better themselves through training and friendship. It evinces the glory of warrior virtue, and embodies both loyalty and brotherly love." ?

    Why, the required membership card, of course! Don't leave dojo without it!

    http://www.bujinkan.com/guidelines.htm (#6)

      -Charles

    --
    Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
  21. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by layer3switch · · Score: 4, Funny

    While any monkey can use a firearm, it will not protect you against a trained assassin that observes your movements and launches a suprise attack.

    Getting shot without knowing where the fuck it came from sounds pretty surprising to me...

    smoke screens are known anti-sniper tactics.

    So is an umbrella... Hence the birth of Smart Bomb.

    --
    "Don't let fools fool you. They are the clever ones."
  22. Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny
  23. To the death by Mashei · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hatsumi is the only living student of the last "fighting ninja," Toshitsugu Takamatsu, the so-called 33rd Grand Master who was a bodyguard to officials in Japanese-occupied Manchuria before World War II and fought - and won - 12 fights to the death.

    ...Rumors of Takamatsu's death still abound to this day, but scholars estimate it occurred sometime after, but before the end of, his thirteenth fight to the death.

    1. Re:To the death by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Surprisingly enough Takamatsu's record in fights to the death was actually 12 wins 4 losses and 2 ties

  24. But what would really suck... by RoffleTheWaffle · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... is a ninja -with- a long range rifle. Or worse yet, a whole pirate ship full of them.

    Pirate sniper ninjas. Think about it.

    1. Re:But what would really suck... by demongp · · Score: 3, Funny

      Now add Zombies into the mix.

      Zombie pirate sniper ninjas.

      OMG I think we all are going to die!

  25. Ninjas? Pirates? Meh! by NoMaster · · Score: 4, Funny

    The other month I watched this series of documentaries where a single samurai repeatedly took on dozens of ninjas at once, winning every time!

    --
    What part of "a well regulated militia" do you not understand?
  26. Re:Know what Really Pisses Me Off? by ajs · · Score: 2, Funny

    "anything *can* be used as a weapon (which is why we need to recognize this regarding airport security and either design sensible regulations or require that everyone fly nude"

    Won't work... remember ANYTHING can be used as a weapon....

  27. Re:Students? - CHUCK NORRIS by WilliamSChips · · Score: 2, Funny

    Chuck Norris is a hack. MacGyver could build a gun from a paperclip and shoot Chuck Norris, then build a Stargate from a toaster and hide the body on some planet with no food whatsoever for when Chuck Norris wakes up.

    --
    Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
  28. In Soviet Russia ... by XMilkProject · · Score: 1, Funny

    your student kills you!

    --
    Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
    Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist...
    1. Re:In Soviet Russia ... by jamesshuang · · Score: 2, Funny

      Correction - In Soviet China, your students kill you...

  29. Re:Know what Really Pisses Me Off? by Mysticalfruit · · Score: 3, Funny

    Man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day...

    --
    Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.