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Wisdom From The Last Ninja

I Could Tell You But... writes "The AP has a story about ninjutsu master Masaaki Hatsumi, last living student of Japan's last 'fighting ninja.' He offers advice from the heart of Ninjadom, like 'always be able to kill your students,' and describes the current popular ninja image as 'pathetic.' At age 76, students are speculating on his successor, who may for the first time be non-Japanese." From the article: "As I cautiously raise the sword with a taut two-handed samurai grip, my sparring partner gingerly points to Hatsumi. I avert my eyes for a split second - and WHAM! The next thing I know, I'm staring at the rafters. Keeping your focus is just one of the lessons thumped out on the mats of the Bujinkan Dojo, a cramped school outside Tokyo that is a pilgrimage site for 100,000 worldwide followers. They revere Hatsumi as the last living master of ninjutsu - the mysterious Japanese art of war practiced by black-masked assassins of yesteryear."

21 of 539 comments (clear)

  1. wow, ninjas by joe+155 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "always be able to kill you students" is brilliant advice... I know I'll be taking that one to heart when I'm lecturing... that'll show them for being late/taking phone calls/ talking over me. :)

    --
    *''I can't believe it's not a hyperlink.''
    1. Re:wow, ninjas by dakirw · · Score: 3, Funny

      It's only good advice if your students actually believe you can kill them.

      Not if you provide an object lesson! :)
  2. Students? by daeg · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sure, he can beat his students, but what about pirates?

  3. The Pirates will be pleased.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Their numbers continue to rise (according to the *AA anyway)...

  4. I wonder if he teaches . . . by PeeAitchPee · · Score: 4, Funny

    . . . about Real Ultimate Power?

  5. News for anime fags, inane koans that matter by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yeah, I'll be sure to stay prepared to kill my students. Fat programmers with aspergers can never be too careful.

  6. Perhaps you should ask... A NINJA by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    When I was a young boy, I awoke every morning to the delicious smell of pancakes. My mother, and father's dojo contained within it a hot griddle perfect for making pancakes, waffles, and a multitude of other pancake-like breakfast pastries. I remember them well -- The pleasant, care-free days of my childhood in the dojo were often spent peering into the kitchen with eager anticipation as my mother prepared pancakes my family.

    As I grew older, and began my journey to spiritual enlightenment, the memories of my pancake-eating youth filled my heart and dreams with warm, fluffy goodness....Ahhh, yes..the sweet, sweet memories... The day I ate 10 pancakes... The day I placed a warm pancake between my fleshy loins and performed the forbidden dance... The day pressed a pancake to my buttocks and encouraged my dog to come eat.. Indeed, much of my childhood was spent in pure innocence -- An innocence only pancakes can provide. It was heaven. A heaven, filled with pancakes, where I sat at the throne of God, with my hand-maidens Aunt Jemimah and Mrs. Butterworth seated beside me. An indestructible triumvirate made of flour, eggs, sugar, milk, water, and love.

    By the age of 15, the path of my life became unclear and confusing. Torn between my duty my village and my love for pancakes, I foolishly left home in search of karaguchi ah-nowakadesu .. the ultimate pancake. My journey took me to the many islands of my homeland, many days away from my dojo. My hunger for pancakes became my teacher, and foolishly I let it control the path that I walked upon. My feet, sore from travel, ached as my heart and stomach did, until I came to a realization. My duty was clear. I needed to take a stand and accept my love for the art of the ninja AND my love for pancakes. It was not wrong for me to love both. I love one as a dear friend, and one as a lover. Yes--My mission was clear--I must become a ninja, a secret assassin hired by the imperial family BUT I MUST ALSO ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL PANCAKE.

    My adoration for breakfast cakes has placed me within an awkward position. Many ninja refuse to recognize me as their brother. I defend my father's land, but I am looked upon as weak and undisciplined. I tell them, "But, brothers! Listen to my plea! The pancakes do not weaken me, nor do they make me disobey the rule of my sword. They fill me with love." But alas, they do not understand...For the mind of a ninja is complex.

    My only earthly desire is to be accepted for who I am. Yes, I am a NINJA--But I also enjoy pancakes. Will you accept me? If you were approached by a ninja who requested a pancake, would you submit to his will?

  7. Everything You Ever Wanted To Know by itsdave · · Score: 4, Funny

    Everything you ever wanted to know about ninjas

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLWGgul_mZU

  8. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    OK, you're right. Sniper rifles aren't very good in close combat unless your opponent is agreeable to the propostion of meeting you under a street light by the railroad near Queens Blvd. and 74th Street intersection, wearing a red coat with a green hat.

  9. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Anyone can kill with a gun. % year old, to 100 year old . Plus the farther the range the more detationed from the kill.

    It takes a real man to drive a sword into somebody.

    By man, I mean psycho.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  10. It is obvious to the most simple minded fool that by geekoid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Chuck Norris will be chosen as successor.

    --
    The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
  11. Re:This is news for nerds? Stuff that matters? by RootsLINUX · · Score: 3, Funny

    Exactly what I was thinking. While I think ninja's are totally awesome like every other mammal on the planet, I think we all agree that not all nerds are also mammals.....

    Oh, god damn it. I just had a terrible vision of RMS in skin-tight ninja gear carrying out an assasination mission in Redmond. I think my only option is to commit seppuku at this point.

    --
    Hero of Allacrost, a FOSS RPG for *NIX/*BSD/OS X/Win
  12. Re:Ninja is replaced by Sniper by layer3switch · · Score: 4, Funny

    While any monkey can use a firearm, it will not protect you against a trained assassin that observes your movements and launches a suprise attack.

    Getting shot without knowing where the fuck it came from sounds pretty surprising to me...

    smoke screens are known anti-sniper tactics.

    So is an umbrella... Hence the birth of Smart Bomb.

    --
    "Don't let fools fool you. They are the clever ones."
  13. Disgruntled Ninja Silently Kills 12 Co-Workers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny
  14. To the death by Mashei · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hatsumi is the only living student of the last "fighting ninja," Toshitsugu Takamatsu, the so-called 33rd Grand Master who was a bodyguard to officials in Japanese-occupied Manchuria before World War II and fought - and won - 12 fights to the death.

    ...Rumors of Takamatsu's death still abound to this day, but scholars estimate it occurred sometime after, but before the end of, his thirteenth fight to the death.

  15. But what would really suck... by RoffleTheWaffle · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... is a ninja -with- a long range rifle. Or worse yet, a whole pirate ship full of them.

    Pirate sniper ninjas. Think about it.

    1. Re:But what would really suck... by demongp · · Score: 3, Funny

      Now add Zombies into the mix.

      Zombie pirate sniper ninjas.

      OMG I think we all are going to die!

  16. Re:Turtle Power. by Overly+Critical+Guy · · Score: 4, Funny

    I was hanging out one night with some friends, talking about nothing in particular, and somehow I was on the topic of possible secret government hybrid projects. I mentioned they could create real life freak mutant turtles, four of them. One of the guys there said they wouldn't be freaks, our generation would worship them as demigods. I look back on my pop culture obsessed generation and realize, my god, we really would worship four half-man, half-mutant turtles as demigods.

    --
    "Sufferin' succotash."
  17. Ninjas? Pirates? Meh! by NoMaster · · Score: 4, Funny

    The other month I watched this series of documentaries where a single samurai repeatedly took on dozens of ninjas at once, winning every time!

    --
    What part of "a well regulated militia" do you not understand?
  18. Re:Know what Really Pisses Me Off? by Mysticalfruit · · Score: 3, Funny

    Man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day...

    --
    Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.
  19. Re:Feel the power! by Isaac-Lew · · Score: 3, Funny

    Chuck Norris is the reason there's only 1 ninja left - he killed the rest & he's saving the last one for a special occasion.