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Verified: Record-breaking Pitfall! Run
Daniel Vignes writes ""Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back Into The Jungle!"
A perfect Pitfall! run with 1:28 left in time, perfect score
and no deaths has just been verified by the authority on classic
gaming, Twin Galaxies."
It really is important to note when someone tells Daniel, our ever challenged record setter, to get laid in some rude fashion, anyone who does this actually loves Daniel. I see this as, "Hey, friend. Good job. You didn't let 1983 down. Now how about you find a plow pal and thrust onward; breaching the gates of the unknown with your twelve inch dick!"; I know I only see that as a gesture of love.
We really need to de-associate the stigma with those who spends countless hours surpassing game records for years and years, as this is only a true contribution to society and enlightenment that, this fellow, Daniel, would do us all the favor to gratify our disbelief with such records! One minute and twenty eight seconds? Oh, jesus! Although I'm getting flaccid just discussing it, you know the silly bloke secretly did us all a favor! Oh, and sex addicts? See how cured they are after five minutes of Pitfall.
I wonder how many girls he declined to go out with on a date to accomplish this tremendous feat?? Oh, that's right, I'm sure no girl has ever asked him out on a date.
...am I supposed to put something here?