Slashdot Mirror
How Washington Will Shape the Internet
WebHostingGuy writes "As reported by MSNBC, 'The most potent force shaping the future of the Internet is neither Mountain View's Googleplex nor the Microsoft campus in Redmond. It's rather a small army of Gucci-shod lobbyists on Washington's K Street and the powerful legislators whose favor they curry.' The article examines several pieces of legislation and lobbying initiatives which are poised to affect you and your rights online. Topics covered include Net Neutrality, fiber to the home, the Universal Service Fund, codecs, and WiFi bandwidth usage." From the article: "After years of benign neglect, the Federal government is finally involved in the Internet — big time. And the decisions being made over the next few months will impact not just the future of the Web, but that of mass media and consumer electronics as well. Yet it's safe to say that far more Americans have heard about flag burning than the laws that may soon reshape cyberspace."
If by "shape" you mean "fuck up," then you're on to something.
Generally, bash is superior to python in those environments where python is not installed.
I *really* *hate* CoSs.
... so I figured "What have I got to lose?"
... and dogs will eat their own puke!
The WalMart down the street was selling Mini Church of Scientology Trolls (CoSTrolls) for 2 cents a piece. That was even less than the 5 cents a piece I paid for those monkeys
So I bought 250 CoSTrolls for $5.00. I mean, what's 5 bucks, right? What could possibly go wrong?
I took my 250 CoSTrolls home. I have a big car. One of them insisted on driving. Its name was L. Ron Hubbard. It was retarded, even for a troll. In fact, none of them were really bright, and now that I had them outside in the daylight, it was obvious that they were all "more than a few bricks short of a full load." They kept punching themselves in their genitals, saying something about removing "body thetans," whatever those are. I laughed. Then they tried to remove my body thetans. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into the basement. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They stopped punching themselves, and started to screech, hurl themselves off of boxes at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Then they began pulling the hair out of each other. It quickly became a mess. Oh, and nobody told me that CoSTrolls aren't toilet trained. I googled and yahoo'd for "toilet training CoSTrolls", but all that came back was "never been done" and "C0S iz t3h 5ux0rz."
The novelty of having 250 CoSTrolls had worn off.
The CoSTrolls got out of the basement and kept trying to use my computers, even though everyone knows that CoSTrolls can't use real technology. They kept on, though, and started filing lawsuits against everyone who didn't like CoSTrolls. So my ISP cut me off. I hate CoSTrolls.
I had to find another ISP. And the stupid CoSTrolls used the connection to steal IRS documents. I got kicked off that one, too. I went from high-speed cable to ADSL to dialup to - well, lets just say that TCP/IP over a clothesline really sucks. I can only post when my neighbors are doing their laundry. I feel SO low having to steal bandwidth through the McPhersons' underwear flapping in the breeze!
And speaking of my neighbors, one of them came over. Her name was Lisa. Two CoSTrolls named McCabe and Minkoff attacked her. They bit her like hungry cockroaches. She left bruised and exhausted. Now the neighbors use the laundromat to dry their clothes.
Did I mention that I hate CoSTrolls?
At least by now I knew why the CoSTrolls were so cheap - nobody would want one. All they do is sit around and make rambling random noise and emit noxious vapours, and excrete stuff that even the dogs don't want to sniff
I didn't know what to do - I was at wits end. So I went out to the local Home Depot and bought some muriatic acid, the stuff you use on concrete. I took one of the CoSTrolls and dipped it into the muriatic acid. The acid turned into goo. I poored some on the sidewalk outside, and it quickly melted the ice. Unfortunately, it also completely removed the top inch of concrete. The city had to replace the sidewalk. I got the bill last week. I hate CoSTrolls.
I decided to kill them all and throw them in the garbage. Do you have any idea how HARD it is to kill a CoSTroll? They're worse than Microsoft! You can drop a load of bricks on them, squish them flatter than a penny after the train's gone over it, and next morning they're back at it again, spitting, being mean, and just looking butt-ugly as usual.
So I tried to have a garage sale. I TRIED to make them look half-way decent, but CoSTrolls are like SCO stock - no amount of lipstick will make that pig look good. Not only did I not sell a single CoSTroll; the police gave me a fine for disturbing the peace. All the kids in the neighborhood are having nightmares, and the school has to have a psychologist (at least until the CoSTrolls ran her out of town) on staff full-time to deal with all the trauma th
But they also hate us for our Internets.
"The ministry of communication is duty-bound to make the use of the Internet impossible."
- Taliban official, less than three weeks before 9/11.
Hey, be thankful that Congress doesn't exactly turn on a dime. We got to keep sending Internets to each other for another 5 years before they pulled the plug.
"After years of benign neglect, the Federal government is finally involved in the Internet -- big time."
Then != than you morons.
Dear Legislator/Senator/Governor/President/Court Memeber/.....,
PLEASE LEAVE THE INTERNET ALONE. You will only screw it up, if you start messing with it.
Thanks,
Archangel Michael (on behalf of most of the Slashdot crowd)
Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
What you aren't getting is that IT'S A SERIES... of, of TUBES. That's why we are uging Congress to auth'rize our initiatives to create an office for faith-based innernets. These inner-tubes will gush forth to channel the individualistic inputs of our society to enable people to serve a cause greater than themselves.
I appreciate the fact that many have come from many different faiths and traditions. The faith-based innnernet is not about a single faith. In this country we're great because we've got many faiths, and we're great because you can choose whatever faith you choose, or if you choose no faith at all, you're still equally American. It's the same with those gushing tubes on the innernets.
"Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell