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Dead Geek Icons Hitchhiking Across USA
pacopico writes "The Register has a mammoth story on a weird art/technology project. An artist has created five life-size wooden figures of Silicon Valley pioneers such as Hewlett and Packard and Intel founder Bob Noyce. These figures are supposed to hitchhike around the country and make their way from the East Coast to Silicon Valley. They're outfitted with GPS tracking systems, and you can watch them move via the web. It's all part of the ZeroOne art and science festival taking place next week in San Jose."
From TFA: Many of you CEOs and top engineers out there are no doubt wondering - am I willing to be made out of wood? Well, you might not have any choice should Mike Mosher, Julie Newdoll, Jim Pallas and Mario Wolczko hear of your accomplishments.
Given Mr. Ballmer's accomplishments as a CEO and now Acting Chair-man, he's sure to be nominated for the honour. It would be a waste of good wood however, one feels, given his bulk. Would a Wooden Chair be a good enough substitute?
If you keep throwing chairs, one day you'll break windows....
So Penthouse letters can get a few entries.
"Dear Penthouse Letters, I know you'll never believe this, but I was driving to work, when I saw Ron Jeremy hitchhiking. After I pulled over to the shoulder, I could see he was VERY excited to see me, a 5' 10", 140 lbs. blonde woman with huge breasts, and my bi-curious Asian girlfriend Mia, who just had breast augmentation surgery as well. We had just opened up a second bottle of tequila when "wooden" Ron, in more ways than one!, got in the back seat with Mia.
"Did you see a sign that said Dead Geek Transportation? No? Do you know why you didn't see a sign that said Dead Geek Transportation?... ...BECAUSE THERE IS NO SIGN! Now put that wooden cutout back on the side of the road so we can have a little room in the back seat again."
I hitchhiked the length and breadth of Ireland as a teenager. In other for these inanimate hitchers to have a genuine experience, drivers should live up to their obligations and:
- Inaudibly admonish/curse at them through the windshield.
- Stop 10 feet away and then wheelspin away at the last moment, veering wildly.
- Swing planks of wood out of the passenger window at high speed in an effort to decapitate the hitchers (I made the mistake of hitching outside Limerick City *once*).
- Drive them to some mountainous vista, stop the car, and lecture them for 1 hour about the end of the world (I made the mistake of taking a lift from a Jehova Witness *once*).
- Make signs indicating that they are going in impossible directions (i.e. taking a left turn off a precipitous 12 mile mountain pass).
It's a dead practice in Ireland now, which saddens me. Anyway those hitchers should NOT make it to wherever they're going. For one thing, they can't duck.