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The FBI Software Upgrade That Wasn't

Davemania writes "Washington Post reports that the FBI's attempt to modernize their department has once again failed. The 170 million dollar Virtual case File system, the agency's second attempt to go paperless is reported to be useless. The finger seems to be pointing at the FBI leadership, greedy contractors and bad software management." From the article: "It appeared to work beautifully. Until Azmi, now the FBI's technology chief, asked about the error rate. Software problem reports, or SPRs, numbered in the hundreds, Azmi recalled in an interview. The problems were multiplying as engineers continued to run tests. Scores of basic functions had yet to be analyzed. 'A month before delivery, you don't have SPRs,' Azmi said. 'You're making things pretty. . . . You're changing colors.'"

20 of 381 comments (clear)

  1. Oblig. 'Fight Club' quote: by TripMaster+Monkey · · Score: 3, Funny

    'A month before delivery, you don't have SPRs,' Azmi said. 'You're making things pretty. . . . You're changing colors.'

    Can I get the icon in 'cornflower blue'?

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    ~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey

    1. Re:Oblig. 'Fight Club' quote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Quick fix: Kill the green signal coming out of the video card.

      There. I would have saved y'all millions. geez.

  2. Obligatory Chief Wiggum Quote by novus+ordo · · Score: 3, Funny

    "I'll just file this case in my Virtual Filing Cabinet"

    --
    "You're everywhere. You're omnivorous."
  3. FBI Too Busy by faqmaster · · Score: 3, Funny

    What do you expect? They don't have time or resources for testing because all the agents are too busy listening in on my calls to my grandmother.

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  4. ObSimpsons by Rob+T+Firefly · · Score: 4, Funny
    The finger seems to be pointing at the FBI leadership, greedy contractor and bad software management.
    The owner of said finger, one N. Muntz, was quoted as saying "Ha-ha!"
  5. Perfect Solution for the FBI paperless office by flajann · · Score: 4, Funny
    I have the perfect solution for the FBI's IT woes.

    It's called WOM, or Write-Only Memory system. This system has near-infinite storage capacity, and can be implemented across the entire enterprise.

    Document retrival in the WOM? Not a problem! Just create imaginary documents! Isin't that the way it's done, anyway?

    Oh, and if you need a record expunged, not a problem! In fact, it requires almost no effort at all!

    Write-Only Memory Virtual Filing System. It was good enough for Nasa, it ought to be good enough for the FBI.

  6. Re:Government Inefficiancy by lancejjj · · Score: 5, Funny

    Software problem reports, or SPRs, numbered in the hundreds,

    If this software system runs under Windows, they started with a Problem Report baseline in the thousands. If they got it down into the hundreds, Kudos!

  7. Re:I love you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    And gaining lots of karma in the process. How nice for you!

  8. Re:Stop whining you dumb fuck libertarian by uglydog · · Score: 1, Funny

    awwww.... you need a hug!

  9. Security Advisors by Doc+Ruby · · Score: 3, Funny

    "You're making things pretty. . . . You're changing colors."

    That's the FBI policy: they're part of Homeland Security, so their job is mainly to tells what color today is. Otherwise terrorists might have trouble knowing which days we're not checking everyone or paying closest attention.

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    make install -not war

  10. Re:I love you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    You think people are actually going to RTFA? You must be new here!

  11. I love you-and your money too. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    "I love helping you /.ers out."

    Can I borrow $50 from you?

  12. Re:Paranoia! by computational+super · · Score: 3, Funny
    Personally, I'd prefer the FBI not go paperless.

    Everybody who has to use the bathroom at FBI headquarters agrees.

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    Proud neuron in the Slashdot hivemind since 2002.
  13. This is 2005 news! by SysKoll · · Score: 2, Funny
    This came up last year alreaady, when the Virtual Case system was officially written off. Why on Earthis it news? It is ONE YEAR OLD, for crying out loud. Are they that slow at the Washington Post?

    More likely, they are just tools for the FBI's PR branch. As in:

    FBI IT boss: "We need a new IT budget for a project that will really work, this time, we swear."
    FBI director: "Errr, that's risky. The previous two were embarrasing failures."
    PR manager: "Let's revive last year's VCFS story and put a "lesson learned" positive spin on it!"
    FBI director: "Positive spin??? On a $170 million piece of crud? Come on! Who would be stupid enough to print it?"
    PR manager: "You obviously haven't opened the Washington Post recently..."

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  14. Re:I love you by coaxial · · Score: 2, Funny

    I wonder why you saw that then.

  15. For all those that bungled ... by Van+Cutter+Romney · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... they should distribute copies of "The Mythical Man-Month".

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    Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
  16. I love love in the air by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's nice to see a collection of /. posts containing nothing but sweet love, instead of all the bitter hatred, cursing, and anger that I typically see.

  17. Re:Government Inefficiancy by electroniceric · · Score: 2, Funny

    Sorry, big guy - dude and spoken for. This is Sausagedot, though, so getting your hopes up is a dangerous thing.

  18. Aha! by stunt_penguin · · Score: 2, Funny

    'A month before delivery, you don't have SPRs,' Azmi said. 'You're making things pretty. . . . You're changing colors.'"

    So that is what Microsoft are doing with Vista. We should have known!

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  19. Re:Government Inefficiancy by asdfghjklqwertyuiop · · Score: 2, Funny

    under the past 25 years of leadership of the small-government zealots


    What country are you referring to again, and who are these small government zealots that have been leading it for the past 25 years?