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Consumer Reports Creates Viruses to Test Software
Maximum Prophet writes to mention an MSNBC article about a Consumer Reports plan to test anti-virus software by creating viruses. Security companies are objecting, on the grounds that it's a generally accepted practice not to create viruses for any reason. From the article: "Consumer Reports didn't create thousands of new viruses from scratch. Rather, it took a handful of existing viruses and created hundreds of slight variants, changing the malicious programs just enough to evade detection by an antivirus program with a list of known threats. That's a common trick in the virus writing world; it's standard for a successful virus to inspire dozens of variants. "
Clearly this is all just a cover. The Templars are using Consumer Reports as a cover to train a stable of elite Black Hat hackers, with which to take over the world. They're in a race against Communist China, the Russian Mob, and the NSA.
Any sufficiently well-organized community is indistinguishable from Government.
Be sure to read our other Consumer Reports articles, where we:
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Thanks, Consumer Reports. Thanks bunches.
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~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
Testing security only emboldens the terrorists!
Why does Consumer Reports hate America?
But think of all of the 1337 Hax0rs that Consumer Reports is depriving of employment?!
Oh wait a minute, maybe that is who they hired. Never mind.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is usually crucified.
And think of all the furry kittens that would die!
"It's not like a biological virus where it could randomly mutate and escape." Apparently he's a fan of intelligently designed viruses.
> IMHO this tic for tac will go on forever.
Yes, it's one of the French benefits.
mmmm.... French benefits go well with James Dean Sausage.
The viruses.
Well, one of these new virii could leave the laboratory and get into the wild. With a bit of bad luck, that virus could be a dangerous mutation - I'm not talking Melissa dangerous, I'm talking H5N1 dangerous. Just one tiny mutation and the virus could jump over to humans, creating a worldwide pandemia as people's immune sytem collapse, unable of keeping up with polymorphic virii that inject their own code into the header of the genetic sequence so that they're uncleanable without working from known-clean marrow. And you know what could be even worse? Worms. If they add a self-propagation mechanism to their new killer virus it would infect random bystanders without the need for a regular infection vector! Those people aren't developing weapons of mass destruction, they're creating doomsday devices! Somebody must put an end to this before it's too late!
USE HOT GRITS WITH STATUE OF NATALIE PORTMAN (NAKED AND PETRIFIED)
Well then you will appreciate the fact that you *were* a class-action f___-tard at that stage of life. (I'm at work - love those internet tube filters here!) Anyways, the point is not that I'm hating on you, but that I seriously doubt that Consumer Reports or any other real-world test lab would be that stupid. Here's the solution to your dilemma in the real world:
1. Put five computers without CDRW, DVDRW, floppy or USB drives in small room. (And physically crush, mangle, destroy, or clog with superglue any peripheral device ports or other means of "opening up the computer" so absolutely nothing can be used to gain access to the computer's innards.)
2. Turn off, disable, or unplug any possible connections to ANY other network outside of said room.
3. Put a researcher or two in room after making them change into a "clean suit".
4. Put camera's in room to monitor researchers.
5. Run virus tests, see how bad the AV software breaks.
6. Record findings with good ol' pencil and paper.
7. Provide one, paper-thin slot through which researchers slip paper to waiting journalists.
8. Require researchers to strip bare-ass naked before leaving room.
9. Researchers leave room.
9. Physically destroy, with liquid hot MAGMA every computer in room.
10. Publish findings that McAfee and Symantec suck
11. Get donations from Consumer Reports subscribers
12. Profit!!!
Easy, huh?
Wow, ./ cut off my dummy satire on/off tags.
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning