Stephen Hawking Looking for Assistant

An anonymous reader writes "Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required. Renowned astrophysicist and best-selling author Stephen Hawking has announced he is looking for a graduate student to work for him for one to two years. Dust off those CVs, kids!"

Comments

Does it involve emptying bedpans?

[catbutt]

(goodbye, karma! :)

Re:Does it involve emptying bedpans?

[solevita]

>One purpose of the job was to aid the professor in areas which he has difficulty due to his disability, the posting said.

Bedpans. And walking upstairs with a prof. over one shoulder.

I've submitted my CV.

You're Fired!

[TylerTheGreat]

I can't wait to see NBC's new reality show, The Assistant starring Stephen Hawking. Now, that would be good television.

Re:You're Fired!

[Stormwatch]

I guess it would sound like his singing.

Dear Stephen

[Mancat]

I don't know anything about physics but dude, I will get you laid. And you're probably all like, "but I'm paralyzed." Dude, you don't even know. The bitches I know don't give a fuck. I'm tellin' you man they're crazy!

Hope to hear back from you!

Re:Dear Stephen

[BobNET]

The bitches I know don't give a fuck. I'm tellin' you man they're crazy!

But Stephen Hawking himself is Crazy As Fuck!

Straight out of Oxford a crazy motherfucker named Hawking.
When I be rocking the mic you be gawking,
at me 'cause I'm a bad mama-jamma,
you wanna lock me up put my ass in the slamma.
But fuck that shit 'cause no jail can hold me,
you can't even catch me much less control me.
So if you see me coming you better duck,
'cause Stephen Hawking is crazy as fuck.

Re:Dear Stephen

[BrokenHalo]

Hasn't he had like three wives?

Which just goes to show he's not as smart as we thought... ;-)

*ducks flying crockery*

Aspirin for Mensa members.

[Anonymous Coward]

"Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required.

*sniff*
Mommmeeee!

The Apprentice

[TheOtherKiwi]

He should run a TV show to find his next apprentice...oh, whoops.

Yes, but...

[abes]

the chances of getting the job are astronomically low. Besides, you're thesis will probably just get black-holed. Perhaps it's worth getting the position still, for all the star-power?

Sorry, couldn't resist. I understand if you have to mod me down.

Looking for what??

[Anonymous Coward]

My firefox tabs loads: Stephen Hawking Looking for Ass...

Star Wars: Stephen Hawking style

[Anonymous Coward]

Graduate Student A: I can't. This matrix is too big
Stephen Hawking: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.



Stephen Hawking: Why wish you become physicist?
Graduate Student B: Well, mostly because of my father, I guess.
Stephen Hawking: Ahh, physicist. Powerful physicist was he. Powerful physicist.
Graduate Student B: How could you know my father? You don't even know who I am. Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here! We're wasting our time!
Stephen Hawking: [Looking away from Graduate Student B] I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
Albert Einstein: He will learn patience.
Stephen Hawking: Much anger in him... like his father.
Albert Einstein: Was I any different when you taught me?

Requirements

[eebra82]

I believe he left out a few requirements, so here they are.

• You may not loop around me with a Segway. EVER.
• You may not replace my speech tool with a southern state gay accent. It aggrevates me.
• You may not stack pornography in "A Brief History of Time" and "The Universe in a Nutshell".
• You may not answer my great question, "How can the human race survive the next hundred years" with anything related to Star Trek or Star Wars anecdotes.
• You may not ask me to do a 360 with my vehicle.
• You may not replace pawns with queens once they've reached the other end of the chess table.

Re:ALS

[bigpat]

Actually, that's technically pulling an Occam, as it's a variation on Occam's Razor [wikipedia.org]. Yeah, yeah, Holmes said it like that, but Occam's razor is generally thought to be the foundation for Holmes' theory. Er...Doyle's theory, as it were.

ya well... no shit, Shirlock.