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The Man Who Literally Saved the World

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the close-calls dept.

99luftballon writes "Today is an important anniversary for Russian hero Stanislav Petrov, the Soviet missile commander who saved the world from nuclear destruction in 1983. Sadly there are plenty of other examples of this kind of thing. How long will we keep getting lucky?"

12 of 796 comments (clear)

  1. That list is clearly missing one by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    June, 1983 - American teenager David Lightman hacks into NORAD's WOPR computer and begins playing a game of Global Thermonuclear War. WOPR however doesn't believe it to be a game, and begins preparations for missile launch. Fortunately, with the help of WOPR's creator Stephen Falken, they were able to have the computer play itself at Tic-Tac-Toe. As a result of this win-less battle, WOPR learns the only winning move is not to play.

    1. Re:That list is clearly missing one by saboola · · Score: 5, Funny

      Everytime they would say WOPR in War Games I would say "with cheese". It was possibly the funniest joke ever made, at least to my five year old self.

    2. Re:That list is clearly missing one by megaditto · · Score: 5, Funny

      You failed to get the point. A 'surprise' massive launch by the Soviets would bring up enough ash to the stratosphere to cover the entire Earth... to cause the infamous 'nuclear winter' for long enough to wipe out over 50% of their own population in weeks from cold and starvation, and the rest in a few months after they had a good chance to take up the cobalt and other radioisotopes. Launching 'just a few' against a nuclear enemy will get the enemy to lob a few right back, escalating to the same result.

      To put it in terms you would understand, launching a unilateral all-out nuclear strike would be like shooting your sister in the head with a M20A1B1 while she fellated you, and hoping to walk away unscarred.

      --
      Obama likes poor people so much, he wants to make more of them.
    3. Re:That list is clearly missing one by monoqlith · · Score: 4, Funny

      That analogy is completely inaccurate. In that scenario, you would lose at most an important piece of yourself.

        And your sister.

      On the other hand, Google guns+sister+erotic+asphyxiation+cliff+diving if you would like a better picture of what kind of shooting-your-sister-in-the-head scenario a nuclear war would really be like.

      I'm not sure how many hits that will turn up, but I'm guessing it will be enough to give you an idea of what launching nuclear missiles at foreign countries will do for you.

      Really, I'm not sure.

    4. Re:That list is clearly missing one by dpilot · · Score: 4, Funny

      Gee, google can't give any images for that search combination.

      --
      The living have better things to do than to continue hating the dead.
    5. Re:That list is clearly missing one by fbartho · · Score: 5, Funny

      No... you have to turn off "Safe-Search" first.

      --
      Gravity Sucks
  2. One thing's for sure by Opportunist · · Score: 5, Funny

    We'll stay lucky 'til the end of the world.

    --
    We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
    1. Re:One thing's for sure by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah. the global thermonuclear war is always in the last place you look.

  3. How to trick the Ivan by agw · · Score: 5, Funny

    Next time you want to launch a pre-emptive nuclear strike against Russia, just launch your missles one after another.

  4. Re:Gratitude by blibbler · · Score: 5, Funny

    They could always just call up the other side and ask them. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:

    <ring>
    USA: Hi?
    USSR: Hey, USSR here. Sorry to bother you, but are you guys sneakily launching a bunch of Nukes at us?
    USA: Err.. No, not at all.
    USSR: Great, thanks.
    <click> ...
    <ring>
    USA: Hello?
    USSR: USSR again. Are you sure you aren't launching a strike, or are you just saying it.
    USA: You got me! Yeah, we did launch a strike. I fooled you at first though didn't I?
    USSR: Heh. yeah. That was pretty sneaky.

  5. Re:Why Only U.S. & USSR, Not Russia by kfg · · Score: 4, Funny

    You'll have to forgive us. Most Americans think the Japanese bombed America at Pearl Harbor. I'm nowhere near old enough to remember that, but I predate Hawaiian statehood.

    At the time, of course, Hawaii was simply an American territory, like Puerto Rico and the UK are now.

    KFG

  6. Re:Why Only U.S. & Russia? by LordEd · · Score: 5, Funny
    How many other kinds of global nuclear war are there?
    Global happy rainbows and ponies nuclear war?