Pentagon Reveals News Correction Unit

Jonas Wisser writes "BBC is reporting that a newly created Pentagon unit has a mandate to fight 'inaccurate' news stories. From the article: 'The Pentagon has set up a new unit to focus on promoting its message across 24-hour rolling news outlets, and particularly on the internet. [...] A Pentagon memo seen by the Associated Press news agency said the new unit will "develop messages" for the 24-hour news cycle and aim to "correct the record". A spokesman said the unit would monitor media such as weblogs and would also employ "surrogates", or top politicians or lobbyists who could be interviewed on TV and radio shows.'"

Comments

Hello

[I kan Spl]

1984 called... It wants it's news story back.

Re:Hello

[gigne]

China called, and it wants it's PR dept back. (I'm prime too)

Re:Hello

[antek9]

It's called, and it wants both your and the GP's it's back.

Re:Hello

[Instine]

This is the UK, as your constitution isn't worth toilet paper now, we're revocing your independance:

To the Citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a called "Come-Uppance Day."

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline")-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

9. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be re

Re:Hello

[Instine]

OW! That was supposed to be funny. You know haha! Now I'm -1 and counting :(

Are they 'correcting' humour too?

Re:Hello

[falcon5768]

More importantly the French created French Fries so maybe we should be calling them pommes frites instead... AND WE created Potato Chips and thats the god damn name we gave it! Its you dumb bastards who insist on calling them weird fucking British slang things instead of their true names who should get a clue.

Re:Hello

[BVis]

I think you'll find that what we USians call "French Fries" are in fact Belgian in origin. Just another example of how we insist on sticking to false concepts simply because on average, we're dumber than a pile of doorknobs.

For others, see "it's/its" and "your/you're"; also, Wal*Mart (the fact that it even exists), Windows, AOL, how fat our kids are, how fat WE are, the idea that everything has to be someone's fault and there's no such thing as an "accident", the popularity of reality shows, the fact that we elected a retard to the Oval Office not once, but twice, our assumption that all Muslims are bomb-throwers, D.A.R.E. (and while we're on the subject, finding it acceptable that you need to pee in a cup to work at a video game retailer), and finally, the fact that W still has a 30% approval rating.

I could provide others, but my coffee hasn't completely kicked in yet.

Re:Hello

[Anonymous Coward]

1984 never called, citizen, and the story has always been printed accurately.

Re:Hello

[Atzanteol]

That's down to your inability to deal with foreign languages.

Yeah, I'll see you down at the cafe where I'll be getting an espresso. Mebbe even a cappuccino.

Re:Hello

[bidule]

Poutine? Yeah, that's how we kill tourists and select our immigrants. If they survive a meal of Pepsi, Mae West and this, they're good to go.

I've seen that some regions of the USA use the same trick, but with oily pizza as the main dish.

Well, obviously...

[Kell Bengal]

Well, obviously this is a blatant attempt to . Anyone can see that!

The rise of Minitrue - Doubleplusgood!!!

[Cordath]

I, for one, have been plagued by crimethink. Historically I have been unable to bellyfeel the blackwhite of this administration. No longer! May this glorious new program free us *all* from the perils of oldthink!

Re:The rise of Minitrue - Doubleplusgood!!!

[Scarletdown]

I forget, are we at war with Oceania or Eurasia?

It's Eastasia we're at war with. We've always been at war with Eastasia.

Re:Astonishing

[Anonymous Coward]

I want to know what you have against hairy-arsed people. Are they not contributing members of society? Do employed, non-bloggers not have hairy-arses? And if not, do you think that hairy-arsed unemplyed bloggers spread government propaganda better than their smooth arsed counterparts?

Waiting earnestly,
AC

BBC source?

[SeaFox]

Are there any American media stories about this or have they already been corrected?

Rectify parent: -1 (undoublethink)

[Mjlner]

Parent post refs uncountry. Poster unbellyfeels war crimethinkwise. Doubleplusungood. Rectify.

Re:Bring on the war!

[Tom]

What, are we afraid of ideas?

No, even though Bush actually meant it to be the "War on Ideas", his press corp did not catch his latest mis-pronounciation, so it's the "War of Ideas" now.

Re:Ministry of Truth

[Itsacon]

As long as they let Commander Vimes lead it, not so bad IMHO...