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Worst Christmas Ever For Gadgets?
An anonymous reader writes, "CNet says this will be the most disappointing Christmas ever for gadget-lovers. The Playstation 3 is delayed across most of the world, the Zune MP3 player is cancelled for everyone outside the US, Vista won't be out for home users before the big day, and even Final Fantasy XII won't reach Europe in time. From the article: 'It's enough to make you slit your wrists with the shards of a smashed Christmas tree bauble... Santa fails to deliver on almost all of his Yuletide promises. Most of the major technologies that were supposed to be ready for purchase have been delayed until next year.' The writer goes on to suggest phrases to use over Christmas dinner when the offending companies' products are mentioned. To reduce the pain of a Zune-less party, he suggests remarking: 'Imagine the stability and usability of Windows migrated to an MP3 player. In short, imagine a small portable version of Hell.'"
I'D RATHER HAVE A BOTTLE IN FRONT OF ME
(Randy Hanzlick)
Jimmy and I were brothers.
We went down different paths.
Jimmy always listened to my mother,
And me, I never like to take a bath.
As we grew and tumbled through adulthood
The pressure caused emotional drain.
So now I'm slowly dying in the bottle
and Jimmy has to live with half a brain.
Yes, me, I've got a bottle in front of me,
And Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy.
Just different ways to kill the pain the same.
But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
Than have to have a frontal lobotomy.
I might be drunk, but at least I'm not insane.
Jimmy let his troubles drive him crazy.
He never tried to drown it in a drink.
I know that drinking makes my thinking hazy,
But at least I still have brains enough to think.
Jimmy's got a brain that isn't stable.
He doesn't have the sense to say his name.
I'm sorry that his doctor was unable
To remove the proper portion of his brain.
Yes, me, I've got a bottle in front of me,
And Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy.
Just different ways to kill the pain the same.
But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
Than have to have a frontal lobotomy.
I might be drunk, but at least I'm not insane.
Funny how the world works.
People can be real jerks.
Some prefer the tension over booze.
Either way it ends the same.
Hard to beat the living game.
Might as well enjoy it while you lose.
When I need a drink I start to shiver
And Jimmy always viewed it with concern.
But I'd rather have cirrhosis of the liver
Than an intellect that's second to a fern.
I wonder if old Jimmy's gonna hear it
When I tell him that his logic wasn't sound.
They'll dose him up on lots of evil spirits
When they take him to the psychiatric grounds.
Yes, me, I've got a bottle in front of me,
And Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy.
Just different ways to kill the pain the same.
But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
Than have to have a frontal lobotomy.
I might be drunk, but at least I'm not insane.
I might be drunk, but at least I'm not insane!
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"