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America's Worst Christmas Parties

Ant writes "Slate Magazine asked its readers to submit reports of horrible office Christmas parties, gifts, and bonuses. Of nearly 200 submissions, they've chosen quite a few tales for The Corporate Scrooge Contest Results ... and they're not pretty. From the article: 'A contract consultant sends word that the company to which he is currently assigned recently sent out an e-mail to some 2,000-odd consultants. The company would give away two $100 gift cards--to two of the brave souls who would commit to work 80 hours between Dec. 18 and Dec. 31. As our correspondent noted: "Hey, if you work Christmas, we'll put you in a pool of 2,000 other folks to maybe win a hundred bucks."'"

14 of 406 comments (clear)

  1. Christmas Vacation by Pharmboy · · Score: 5, Funny

    At least it isn't what happened to poor Clark Griswold, getting a "Jelly of the Month" certificate for a Christmas bonus.

    --
    Tequila: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
    1. Re:Christmas Vacation by HockeyPuck · · Score: 3, Funny
      To quote the great Clark Griswald, what do you say when you get the Jelly of the Month Club?

      Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
  2. Cookies by b0b0tiken · · Score: 2, Funny

    Not whining or anything, but I received 2 cookies. They also thoughtfully mentioned they didn't want us to get fat before the holidays.

    1. Re:Cookies by flyingfsck · · Score: 3, Funny

      *Two* cookies huh? So, where is mine???

      --
      Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
    2. Re:Cookies by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      > I walked into the back stockroom and found a pallet with twenty cases of the crap. It took us seven months to sell all of it, but at least my cheapskate-ass boss didn't have to part with one thin dime.

      Ah, but you have the best present of all. The next time you're at a Christmas party with your boss, you can bump into him when he's talking to his boss, and say "Hey, would you give my boss a raise? My boss is so ignorant about good booze that he thinks Zinfandel is a white wine! Either that or he's a fuckin' alcoholic, you shoulda seen the day he ordered 20 cases of this Sutter Home shit..."

  3. Reverse it... by chill · · Score: 4, Funny

    If the company I'm contracted to guarantees me an 80-hour week, I'd happily work it. The time-and-a-half would more than make up for the inconvenience. Hell, *I'd* buy *them* a $100 gift card.

      Charles

    --
    Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
  4. Cheapskates! by NoseBag · · Score: 4, Funny

    After meeting or exceeding all of our yearly company goals and setting a new profit level, each of us salaried folks received a bonus envelope with 25 brand-new,consecutively-numbered one-dollar bills in it.

    I still have it, 8 years later. I'm no longer with the company though.

    --
    Cloned foods give the statement "We had that last week!" a whole new meaning.
  5. What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift? by jsnz · · Score: 3, Funny

    I work for a bank and we get a hamper with Christmas cake, bottle of wine, cookies etc. Not bad considering they give this to about 10,000 employees. What is the best gift you have recieved?

  6. I give cash by NineNine · · Score: 4, Funny

    I give all of my people AT LEAST $200 in no-strings-attached cash, tax-free in an envelope. And $200 is for a new, part-time employee. I would never dream of giving them a $15 gift card. That's just shitty.

    1. Re:I give cash by jsolan · · Score: 2, Funny

      got any job openings?

  7. No alcohol or ciggies at Le Mart de Wal by lee+n.+field · · Score: 5, Funny
    From the linked article:
    offered employees a $25 Wal-Mart holiday gift card, but that the card couldn't be used to buy alcohol or cigarettes.

    I'd blow it on ammunition anyway.

  8. It's Christmas by edwardpickman · · Score: 2, Funny
    The company would give away two $100 gift cards--to two of the brave souls who would commit to work 80 hours between Dec. 18 and Dec. 31. As our correspondent noted: "Hey, if you work Christmas, we'll put you in a pool of 2,000 other folks to maybe win a hundred bucks."'"

    It's the thought that counts..........Now that I think about it bite me.

  9. Hey, we always get a Christmas bonus... by HanzoSpam · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hell, every year, my company gives us a bonus...

    ....they bend us over a barrel, and then they bone us.

    --

    Progressivism: Parasites helping parasites to help themselves - to other people's stuff.
  10. Re:Bah humbug. by monoqlith · · Score: 4, Funny

    Consider yourself lucky. I work for Myself too. My boss, Me, is a real dickhead. This year, he made all of his employees work on Christmas. Sometimes, he makes up reasons to fire people around the holidays, just for fun. Last year, he rented a hotel around Christmas so he could bang his secretary while his wife was at home preparing the holiday meal. He even made a big scene at last year's office event, drove home a little wrecked, and ended up crashing his Mercedes into a children's playground. Man, you should be grateful you don't work for Me. He's a real douchebag.