Slashdot Mirror
A Look Back at the Gaming News of 2006
Every year in gaming is interesting, but last year was ... special. Two major console launches, the rebranding of Windows-based games, a couple of magazine shutdowns, new sites, scandals, rumours, and the last 'real' E3 we're likely to see. Thankfully, several of the gaming sites have gone back to revisit some of the important bits from last year. Eurogamer has pulled out the biggest stories from the first part of the year, as well as the second half of the year, offering up a comprehensive piece called 'That Was The News'. 1up is highlighting some of their best gaming culture articles, with articles ranging from sex to humor, and then all the way back to Warcraft. Gamasutra does the same, with their ten most-read stories of the year giving a good snapshot of what was on the minds of gamers in 2006.
Proper format for posting here:
Opening Sentence -- A strident sentence declaring your steadfast allegiance to one of three multi-national electronics companies, followed by a detailed description of exactly why said company cares about you deeply, both as a consumer and an individual. This sentence should include liberal usage of the terms "next-gen", "the gaming industry", and "fanbois", and should be followed by several line breaks and possibly an emoticon.
Martyr's Tale of Sacrifice -- Wherein the author should detail the trials and tribulations which he endured to purchase his product of choice. If possible, this dilemma should be immediately related back to the product's amazing sales performance, in contrast to the utterly dismal sales of its competitors.
Martyr's Tale of Martyrdom -- In keeping with the general tone of the opening paragraph, the next section of your post should be a desperate lament to those who are polluting the internet with $_SYSTEM bashing. It should also be mentioned at this point that Slashdot is now controlled by a shadowy cabal of $_OTHER_SYSTEM supporters who are misrepresenting the true public opinion of this issue for their own personal gain and popularity.
Links to Blog Entries -- Next, we move into the 'discovery' phase of the post. Here, a list of links to blog entries should be detailed. It is important that very few of these entries actually contain any useful information, and even more important that none of them are links to respected news outlets -- These should be remedially written diatribes about the superiority of $_SYSTEM that include a photograph of a display box on a shelf in Kalamazoo to demonstrate, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that nobody is buying $_OTHER_SYSTEM.
Reference to Overblown Technical Deficiancies -- Whether it's a faulty piece of nylon, or an unsupported specialty video mode, every technical product will have initial mechanical glitches. Exploit this to hammer home your opinion! Completely ignore all statements, fixes, or recall attempts issued by the company and make sure to do everything in your power to illustrate $_OTHER_SYSTEM as a faulty machine that was created solely for the purpose of fleecing computers. This is a good time to refer back to the theme of your Opening Sentence and mention that the manufacturers of these systems are simply money-grubbing capitalist automatons, while the manufacturer of YOUR system operates from a place of pure altruism, happiness, and flying unicorns.
Summary -- This can be anything from a simple rephrasing of your opening statement to something more dramatic and edgy, such as "I CANT BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT A $_SYSTEM SUCKERS!!!" in all caps. While the content of this may very, make sure to employ a tone of overwhelming gravity -- lest people forget, you are discussing video game consoles here and this topic should be treated as the massively important and life-changing decision that it is. No hyperbole could EVER be too overblown to emphasize the importance of your choice of entertainment products, so make sure to use plenty of phrases like "I'd rather die than...", "Sure, idiots might think that...", and "Jesus christ, are you fucking retarded?" Another valuable tactic is to use comically exaggerated descriptions of physical violence to explain what would happen to anybody who tried to "force you to buy/play a $_OTHER_SYSTEM", as electronics retailers are often known to do.
Hopefully this has been a helpful primer to entering the Great Console Debate of 2007. Follow these simple guidelines and watch opinions sway!