Work Unhappy or Move On?

dunnowhat2type asks: "I grew up around a big city (suburbs of NY) and went to college in a relatively different area (upstate NY). After graduating last May, I took a job in the area where I went to college. I started in July, and was given a relocation package contingent on me staying for a year. Since August, I haven't been happy with the area I have been living in and have actively been pursuing employment back in the city. What am I better off doing: Is it better to be miserable with money, work experience, and health insurance; or going home and being happy, but unemployed?" In January, the program I was working on got cancelled and my manager didn't want to commit me to something long-term, with the knowledge that I didn't plan on staying more than six months. He made me a time-based offer (probably expiring soon) that he'd take every effort to get the relocation payback waived if I were to resign, find an internal transfer, or another job. I had a couple of interviews a month ago, but nothing else has happened, and this uncertainty (with the pressure of having to make this decision) has made the last two weeks really hellish."

Comments

my take

[lawpoop]

It's easier to find a job when you have one. There is some kind of psychology that happens when you are interviewed -- if you have a job, it looks like you are successful and worth having at a company. If you have no job, it looks like you are a loser. Not saying that either is true, but that's the basic idea someone gets when you are in an interview. You can convince them otherwise during the interview process, but why not start things off on the right foot?

Also, you will have to figure out how to fit work into your life from this point on. You're a long way from retirement. I don't recommend voluntarily leaving employment for non-employment. Have your next thing lined up -- go back to school, travel and do some soul-searching, take on a new job, do something other than just 'moving back home'.

Oh, and you can never go home. You won't be happy if you go back home ( especially if you're not working ). Everything has changed -- including you. You're not a child anymore, and you have to start learning how to take care of yourself. It's tough, but the more you tough it out, the quicker you will find your niche.

Re:my take

[Frumious Wombat]

Having what would once have been called a melancholic personality, and been through variations on your theme, a few thoughts:

Firstly, living in Upstate, half your problem at the moment may be simply that it's dark and cold this time of year. You need, seriously, to make an effort to get out and meet people, or at least be somewhere where people are having lives and demonstrating some kind of energy. If you're near where you went to college, and it's full of people from the City, then spending some time on the local coffee-house/gallery/bar scene isn't all bad, as long as you don't spend too much time with depressing and defeated locals. Don't be afraid of seeing a doctor, and checking into antidepressants either, if you're having motivational problems. Don't make your situation worse by letting a depressing gig depress you to the point you can't function, making the whole scene worse. There's a lot to be said for Upstate, including that while you can get to the City fairly easily, housing is cheap, and if you start a business, there are tax-favored zones and lots of available facilities at reasonable rates. Drag a couple more City-dwellers in on it, and you may get something rolling.

OTOH, it's time to start planning your next move. Moving is hard, staying put it easy, but some times it's time to go. Look for a new gig, plan your own business, become a contractor for a year (a former boss of mine, high in the University IT world, did that once for a couple years between director-level jobs at a pair of major private U's.) Whatever you do, unemployment is not cool, unless you really have a goal of becoming a downwardly-mobile slacker, ending up in a Van Down by the River. (and if you went to school where I suspect you did, the whole blasted county is going to flood when this snow melts anyway) Moving back in with your parents isn't either. I know people do it, but the only way to do it now is if you have a job, and you need a temporary crash spot that's within commuting distance of your job. The job had better be worth it, too. Partly you want to keep the habit of working, and partly you need to keep up public appearances that you're not a useless drain on society. Sharks are right; keep moving or else.

Finally, if you really can't make yourself find the good side of where you live, and you really need to live in the City, then go. I had a job for years that was a decent job in theory, but my coworkers and the commute were ruining my physical and mental health. Now I'm freezing in the dark of Upstate, but haven't been this contented in a decade. I'm an obligate East-coaster, and therefore can drive anywhere that I care about (City, Philly, Jersey Shore), in 3-5 hours, and still have access to the museums of Rochester/Syracuse, the Great Lakes, and the mountains. I spent too many years hating where I lived, and trying to convince myself that the job compensated. If you have this problem, then give it a real try, but admit that you may be, at least at this stage of your life, too acclimated to your own small piece of turf to be happy elsewhere. Make sure it's that, and not just post-graduation, "oh my god I've got to act like an adult now", but if it is, don't deny it.

Good luck.

Life is short.

[Puff of Logic]

Choose happiness. If you can get that waiver, and if you're cool with living simply for a bit, you can probably get by until you find a new job. Of course, that's contingent on your financial situation, since I don't know if you've fallen into the trap that so many people have: accruing enough debt that any loss of income is catastrophic. If you're fortunate enough to be able to pare down your living expenses to an absolute minimum, definitely choose happiness. Fall back, consider your options, and then move on with a clear mind and firm intent.

I've met too many damned people (and I mean that in the Dante's Inferno sense) who are trapped in a horrific cycle of misery due to their job, living arrangements, or debt. Too many are either unable to change their lives, or are too scared to take the leap and make a change. Ultimately, I think it comes down to what's more important to you: security and stability that may be stifling and unfulfilling, or the uncertain pursuit of happiness and self-actualisation. Oddly enough, I think the entire nation is struggling with that same decision right now! Of course, the two aren't mutually exclusive, but I'd advise you to choose happiness over stability any day of the week.

Why would you CHOOSE to be miserable?

[Anonymous Coward]

First of all, you're at a time in your life when you have plenty of options. And you're also in a time in your life when you'll start to develop habits and beliefs that will guide you in the future.

One recommendation is to drop any limiting beliefs. It's never either/or. You can be happy, AND have money, AND gain experience. You can even be unemployed at the same time (or well, self-employed). Once you start to truly believe this, opportunities will appear like magic. If you don't believe me, then stop reading.

Don't think of your situation as "hellish". Think of it as the most amazing opportunity to move forward you've ever had in your life up this point. Don't just do a "couple" interviews, do one as often as you can. Interview to be a burger flipper at McDonalds, whatever, just get on your feet and talk to people.

Another recommendation above was to just "do something". That's generally good advice as well. Don't just "go home".

One thing the world doesn't need is more of those boring, depressing people who have no lives outside of work, yet WHINE about their jobs and bosses so that that don't feel all alone in their little dark hole they CHOSE to bury themselves in. So don't be one of those guys. They don't die happy.

You can earn money in many ways. You can buy your own health insurance. You can gain experience on your own. The only thing you can't do "on your own" is learn about office politics, ass-kissing, backstabbing, being on the wrong end of sexual harrassment lawsuit, having your ideas "owned" by your company, and all the fun stuff that having a "normal" job gets you.

Of course you are free to disagree, but it worked for me.

New York City without a job?

[eric76]

New York City without a job?

That doesn't sound so bad. After all, how much can it cost to live there?

Find a $50 / month apartment (probably have to settle for a single bedroom at that price) across the street from Central Park and have a great time.

Re:At least stick it out to the year mark...

[thegrassyknowl]

If the job isn't what you signed the contract for (ie the position dried up and they moved you into another position) the contract is null and void. You are within your rights to quit and not have to pay them back (yes, I consulted a lawyer about something very similar a while ago). I'd go and get a lawyer and pay the money for a consultation. A lot give you the first 30 mins free anyway.

If you're unhappy, it's causing you undue stress. You don't need that. IF you stick it out you'll become bitter and that will show up at other interviews. If the job is so bad and it causes you too much stress you might even wind up sick. You don't want that either. Get out and find something more enjoyable. Work shouldn't have to be a chore. If it's not fun you're in the wrong job.

Think Bigger

[Bitmanhome]

Wow, those previous answers were great, I'm not sure I can beat them. But here's my add anyway:

Don't think about "this job" or "this city", think about your life: where do you want to be in 10 years? If you don't know, what about 5 years? If you still don't know, just figure out what you want *next* year. Then determine which of the options before you will get you one step closer to that plan.

Sometimes the job itself, though sucky, will get you closer. Sometimes the job is useless, but the *money* gets you closer.

As for the relocation thing, you might see if your company has an ombudsman to help you iron that out.

Re:In the city?

[WgT2]

What is the matter with you people? He told you in the first sentence:

I grew up around a big city (suburbs of NY)

If he had said LA would you have presumed that he was calling the state of Louisiana a city?

Priority

[nuggz]

Well I have priorities.

1 Eat. (and other necessities)
2 Be happy.
3 lots of money.

Once I can take care of the basics I worry about being happy.
Next priority is to make sure I'm happy with my general situation.
After that I go for more experience and money and stuff.

Long term unhappiness is a drag on your health, and is very expensive. When I'm bummed out I spend lots more on stuff, when I'm happy I can get by on less.