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Cellphone Dental Implants Coming Soon

Posted by Zonk on from the can-you-hear-me-mmmmmm dept.

SlashRating© 10.23 X 1011 slashdottit! tm starexplorer2001 writes "It seems that new AT&T/BellSouth/Cingular merger might actually have some benefits, specifically in the area of pushing the technological envelope. Developers are close to releasing a cellphone device that is implanted into your molars. From the article on the HowStuffWorks site: 'Once implanted in a person's molar, the transducer caused the tooth to vibrate in response to radio signals. The physical structure of the jaw carried the tooth's vibrations to the inner ear, where the user, and no one else, could perceive them as sound. The implant's designers held dramatic demonstrations of this principle using a vibrating wand. Participants confirmed that they could hear crystal clear voices through their teeth. '"

79 comments

  1. Already been done by lecithin · · Score: 0

    By Lucille Ball and others:

    http://www.healthyhearing.com/library/ate_content. asp?question_id=102

    --
    It could be worse, it could be Monday.
    1. Re:Already been done by Dzonatas · · Score: 1

      This is new because they intend to use the Powercast technology to charge up the phone. There is even research into spoken words and that they may have power.

    2. Re:Already been done by KingMotley · · Score: 2, Funny

      No dear, I was just borrowing her phone.

  2. iPhone by owlnation · · Score: 5, Funny

    But not available for the iPhone because, an Apple a day keeps the dentist away.

    Sorry, but my head is full of ponies...

    1. Re:iPhone by TechForensics · · Score: 1

      Sigh. Why do I even *look* at Slashdot on April 1?

      --
      Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
    2. Re:iPhone by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      OMG! PHONIES ! ! !

    3. Re:iPhone by Jacer · · Score: 1

      April 1 is my favorite of the year to read slashdot. Normally I get three or so interesting reads a week on the site, but on April Fools, everything is worth reading. It's just hilarious.

      --
      --fetch daddy's blue fright wig, i must be handsome when i release my rage
    4. Re:iPhone by Hoi+Polloi · · Score: 1

      Now you REALLY shouldn't talk with your mouth full.

      And make sure you don't slam the phone down when you are mad. You'll bust a tooth.

      --
      It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
  3. I can see it now by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This would bring a whole new meaning to "He's talking to himself" again....

  4. lol by hunterkll · · Score: 3, Insightful

    this is blatantly insightful

    1. Re:lol by charlieman · · Score: 0

      I for one welcome our new blatantly insightful commenting overlords

  5. SMS by maharg · · Score: 5, Funny

    people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)

    --

    $ strings FTP.EXE | grep Copyright
    @(#) Copyright (c) 1983 The Regents of the University of California.
    1. Re:SMS by k31bang · · Score: 1

      people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)


      Didn't you read the article? Keyboards are being implanted in the penis for male users.
      --
      -+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+ *** http://www.mountainfort.com *** +-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-=-+-
    2. Re:SMS by Miseph · · Score: 1

      Well, at least then they'll have excuse to be playing with themselves with driving. Shit, if I'm gonna get sideswiped by some jackass in an SUV then he'd damn well better be handling his member because claiming that you can't drive while talking is like claiming you can't drink AND ogle women at the same time.

      --
      Try not to take me more seriously than I take myself.
    3. Re:SMS by smaddox · · Score: 1

      We thought it was bad with those headsets, but now there is REALLY going to be no way to tell the difference between the crazy homeless man on the street corner, and a crazy stock broker.

  6. Guys... by G-funk · · Score: 5, Insightful

    ..It's only funny if there's some content mixed in with the aprl fool "jokes". And maybe something that would make sn interesting hoax? I was (for some reason) looking forward to some high-brow spril tomfoolery here, and I'm definitely disappointed.

    --
    Send lawyers, guns, and money!
    1. Re:Guys... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Seriously, these april fools stories are about as funny as a red-headed kid with a bunch of stupid knock knock jokes. Come on Slashdot, this was only moderately funny the *very first year* that you ran these stories. Now it's painful, really really painful. I know I'm being a party pooper, but I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. It just sucks that I have to find something else that's interesting to read today.

    2. Re:Guys... by radtea · · Score: 1


      The problem with "fake news" on the Web is that it's trivial to produce, and not so very different from what you can get every day of the year on the political blog of your choice.

      My personal advice to anyone who gets the urge to run a fake news story is: if you could create funny fake news stories successfully, you'd be working for The Onion by now. If you aren't working for The Onion, it would probably be best if you kept your "humour" to yourself.

      Why the /. editors see fit to bore us with this nonsense each year is beyond me.

      --
      Blasphemy is a human right. Blasphemophobia kills.
    3. Re:Guys... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      High-brow? You weren't here last year, were you?

    4. Re:Guys... by hensto · · Score: 1

      this was a good one. why? because it was so well explained. the article says a lot of things that are undeniably true. sound travels very well thru bone tissue for instance so this implant is possible from a pure audiological perspective. the only "big" problems with something like this is power supply and antenna, while antennas could probably fit in the neighbor molar or be implanted somewhere else, batteries aren't good enough to present a lasting good solution. you will need something that is both small, be able to hold a fair bit of juice and be extremely resilient to degradation with is a huge problem with NiMH cells and simmilar batteries. I don't know any battery techology which is good enough for something like this. If YOU do then please tell me. i'd probably say no to an implant that allows the government to track me though. and oh yes, don't bother saying i'm paranoid m'kay?

    5. Re:Guys... by Nefarious+Wheel · · Score: 1

      Don't talk with your mouth full.

      --
      Do not mock my vision of impractical footwear
  7. Slashdottit malfunction by saskboy · · Score: 1

    I just saw Slashdottit malfunction, and discovered the largest prime number known to man. I'm not telling you what it is though!

    --
    Saskboy's blog is good. 9 out of 10 dentists agree.
  8. Confirmed by chord.wav · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's not the voices, it's the tele-marketing people that make you go out to kill.

  9. OMG!!!! by smilingman · · Score: 0

    Pink insightful moderation!!!!1

  10. Kent, this is God. by Civil_Disobedient · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...and from now on, stop playing with yourself! /ref

    1. Re:Kent, this is God. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "This is God" or "this is Jesus"?

      I remember the latter

  11. This is Jesus, Kent by jjacksonRIAB · · Score: 1

    And you've been a very naughty boy

    --
    Make a few bad jokes on /. and watch your karma become worthy of Hitler
  12. So what? by ithrax · · Score: 1

    We've all had one of these for years. How else would they they hear us thinking?

  13. Funny by icedcool · · Score: 4, Funny

    You are modding this funny. Meta moderators: you are agreeing.

    --
    Most people aren't thought about after they're gone. "I wonder where Rob got the plutonium" is better than most get.
  14. so many uses!! by dr.Flake · · Score: 1

    1. schizophrenia is right around the corner for everyone, experience it now!

    2. Could be great way to cheat on an exam. Teachers will have to walk around with bluetooth sniffing devices (or at random stick fingers into your mouth) to spot this fraud.

    3. Also great opportunities for your defence in court:" Sir, mmy wisdom tooth told me to kill him" .

    great technology, already so many uses for it.

    --
    Why are other peoples sig's always more witty ???
  15. Dammit by tripslash · · Score: 0

    There's a Bluetooth joke on the tip of my tongue ....

    1. Re:Dammit by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      How about, "The optional 'Yellowtooth' model was created with Slashdot readers in mind."

  16. Thankfully by night_flyer · · Score: 4, Insightful

    this April Folls day falls on a Sunday, Im off to do more yard work... bye...

    --


    Thanks to file sharing, I purchase more CDs
    Thanks to the RIAA, I buy them used...
  17. The Voices by adamziegler · · Score: 1

    Meh... I have heard crystal clear voices coming from my incisors for awhile now.

    1. Re:The Voices by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 1
      This is okay but the rectal cellphone was invented first. It has its advantages.

      1) it's hands-free.

      2) 90% of all cell users talk out of their ass anyway

      3) 5% of cell phone users need to have their phone forcibly be placed there if they don't shut their fat clown mouths.

      4) You haven't lived until you've heard rectal ringtones. In Germany, Flatus Frog was a hit for years.

      5) Cell battery charging can be done in-place, and really feels good.

      6) However, answering the phone while driving is very difficult

      7) Works equally well with pants and walking shorts

      However do not go swimming with rectal cellphone.

      Also do not sign up for Friends and Family Rectal Cellphone service.

      If wife asks "Where's my cellphone? I can't find it!", DO NOT RESPOND.

    2. Re:The Voices by NotTheNickIWanted · · Score: 1

      Editor's note:

      While there is some debate concerning the date of the invention of the rectal cell phone, multiple sources suggest that events immediatly preceeding the invention included the user of a conventional cell phone partaking in an [unnecessarily] loud conversation whilst seated in a movie theatre.

      --

      unsigned int question = 0x2B | ~(0x2B)
  18. Just no. by Micklewhite · · Score: 0

    I don't actually own a cell phone. So I'm not exactly sure what sort of person you have to be to get surgery done to have constant access to your cell phone...

    --
    I don't own a snook, and if I did I wouldn't leave it cocked.
  19. And In Other News by coyote4til7 · · Score: 0, Troll

    Pink Ponies have driven everything else from Slashdot. Who's going to sweep up what the mexican food hath rote?

    --

    the clock on the wall says 4 til 7
  20. Hedwig and the Angry Inch by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They've existed for years- there was a clever marketing placement (whole subplot in fact) in the film Hedwig and the Angry Inch, but alas it got cut and was resigned to the dvd deleted scenes section.

  21. Or... by Chabil+Ha' · · Score: 1

    The only vaporware that will give you bad breath.

    --
    We're all hypocrites. We all have hidden parts, it's the contrast between them that make us more a hypocrite than others
  22. Watching my teeth by dfoulger · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Its hard to imagine the smoke and mirrors that will be needed to get this "new concept" in cellphones to provide the kinds of convergent interfaces associated with today's cell phones. I mean, its great that I can point and click with my jaw, but how am I gonna watch a youtube video on my molar.

    What an old tech April Fools story ... so out of touch with where things are really going.

    Next year you need a new angle. How about tattooing cellphones on the backs of pets.

    --
    Davis http://davis.foulger.net
  23. So... by pingoart · · Score: 1

    will muggers now ask to open your mouth? Gosh, it's been a full day for these April fool's day jokers...

  24. But by kitsunewarlock · · Score: 5, Funny

    Does it run with bluetooth?

    --
    Ginga no Rekshiya Mata Each page.
    1. Re:But by StikyPad · · Score: 2, Insightful

      No, but when it starts to corrode it gives you one.

      --
      https://www.eff.org/https-everywhere
    2. Re:But by TheVelvetFlamebait · · Score: 1

      You need to see a dentist.

      --
      You know, there is a difference between trolling and pointing out the flaws in your reasoning. Just saying.
  25. um... by thaddeusthudpucker · · Score: 1

    I dont think this ones a hoax, guys. I saw something that was plausible like 8 years ago along these lines. But think, the voices in your head are now real....

  26. Oh, Great ! by vic-traill · · Score: 1

    That's just *great*. Bad enough having to listen to Son of Sam's dog in my fscking head, now I have to listen %*)()_##!! Berkowitz call' too!

    --
    [17] Leary, T., White, C., Wood, P. R., Bhabha, W. D., and Wirth, N. Lambda calculus considered harmful. In Proceedings
  27. So a man walks into a bar... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ... and he looks very uncomfortable, walking more like a penguin than a human being.

    The bartender looks at him for awhile, figures it out, and says "Hey, buddy, you've got a steering wheel and a steering column in your pants!"

    The man says, "I know! It's driving me nuts!"

  28. vibrate... by chia_monkey · · Score: 1

    Well that just takes all the fun out of putting your phone on vibrate, doesn't it? Oh wait...I just got an idea...

    --

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts...for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang
  29. Bling bling by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Imagine a beowulf cluster of those!!

    That's some serious bling bling in yo mouth.

  30. Duke Nukem, anyone? by Landshark17 · · Score: 1

    Forget the cell phone, I want my Explod-o-Molar!

    --
    This sig is false.
  31. Reminds Me of the Outtakes.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    From Hedwig and the Angry Inch!
    This (likely hoax) was quite possibly inspired by this live-action imagining of what a molar-phone would be like, as done by Hedwig's agent.

  32. Count me out by vandan · · Score: 1

    I have enough problems with my 3G phone giving me headaches as it is. I only have to talk for 10 seconds or so until I get sharp pains just underneath the phone's antenna. And yes, I realise that all the phone companies have a billion or so studies that 'prove' that phones don't give you cancer, and in fact fight cancer and help reduce your tax as well. I don't buy it. I keep my phone well away from by body when I'm not using it, and I use the speaker-phone functionality so I don't have to hold the thing on my brain when using it. I strongly recommend people do the same.

    Safety issues aside, there are also privacy concerns. Since it's hard to remove one of these things, it's a much better target for the government to use to track people ( oh sorry, terrorists ... the government doesn't track people, only terrorists ). And I'd also be very wary about saying anything against the government while having one of these in my tooth.

    1. Re:Count me out by vandan · · Score: 1
      You don't understand how radiation works. The strength of radiation is in an inverse / square relationship with distance. eg if you double the distance, the energy level of radiation is 1/4. So even increasing the distance a small amount has an incredible effect on the radiation levels hitting your brain.

      You are fighting a lost battle.

      God exists. Get over it.


      Hehe. I'm fighting the losing battle, am I? Put down your bible and pay attention to physics.
  33. Reminds me of a rant on a show called "The 90s" by Jim+in+Buffalo · · Score: 1

    Joke or not, this reminds me of this rant this guy was doing on a show called "The 90s" on PBS back in the late 80s. Part of his rant, as he's stalking and panting through some city like New York or Chicago and being followed by a camera, went, "The phone, that's the biggest magnet for me. I should have a phone just welded to the side of my head... I should have a tiny phone implanted in my skull! Leave my hands free, 'cause if I miss one phone call, that's it, I'm a basket case, 'cause I know that that was THE ONE." Of course, these were days before the ubiquitous cell phone or remote voicemail. I wonder where that fellow is now.

    --
    This sig, aah-ah, is comin' like a ghost-sig...
  34. It makes sense by Extremus · · Score: 1

    I can't see the diference between these posts and the normal ones. Here in \. almost everything almost makes sense.

  35. WIRED by YeoungBraxx · · Score: 1

    Found: Artifacts From the Future Motorola MOLR (i.e. RAZR, KRZR, PEBL, RIZR)

  36. RMAs are a bitch ... by mr_death · · Score: 1

    ... you either fedex yourself to the repair center, or yank your molar out.

    --
    It's Linux, damnit! Pay no attention to renaming attempts by self-aggrandizing blowhards.
  37. Old news, been around for 5 years by Pap22 · · Score: 1

    Not only is this not a joke, but it's been around for 5 years. God forbid people know what they're doing before tagging stuff!

    http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2002 /06/53302

  38. Oooh, I know this one... by Starburnt · · Score: 0

    I'm... grrrrh.... ugh... receiving... argh... a fax.

    1. Re:Oooh, I know this one... by Precio-Venta · · Score: 1

      Open and close your mouth with fax ? 33600? And "OK" fax out by ear?

  39. Removing Slashrating Slashdottit by scruffy · · Score: 1

    How do you get rid of that awful thing?

  40. Avogadro by Ivana+Tinkle · · Score: 1

    A cellphone in your molar? With a SlashRating© of 10.23 x 10^11?

    Would have been more amusing if the SlashRating© was 6.022 x 10^23

    1. Re:Avogadro by astronouth7303 · · Score: 1

      I'm inclined to agree with you. What is this 1.023*10^12 stuff anyhow?

      And I actually saw this in a magazine somewhere, a few years back. No idea where or when exactly, though. (They were talking about using it for football players so the coaches could radio them.)

    2. Re:Avogadro by Pap22 · · Score: 1

      I think I read the very same article that you did out of Time magazine.

  41. Brady Bunch first by Tablizer · · Score: 1

    This was a Brady Bunch episode. Well, actually it was radio reception, but close enuf.

    --
    Table-ized A.I.
  42. Additional features by ocie · · Score: 1

    Let me guess, you can dial and send text messages using your tongue.

    --
    JET Program: see Japan, meet intere
  43. Helicopter helmets by dargaud · · Score: 1

    I've actually seen this principle used on some prototype helmets worn by mountain rescue teams. The mike is in the strap holding the helmet, closet to the jawbone and tunes to pick up bone-transmitted vibrations (and not the sound which is very bad when you have a chopper hovering 10 meters above you). The headphone is aptly named for once since it sits on top of the head, transmitting yet again via bone conduction. The main problem is that in order to work it needs to be pretty tight and is thus quite uncomfortable. I don't know who makes them.

    --
    Non-Linux Penguins ?
  44. From TFA by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The designers used a wand for the demonstrations rather than the implant itself because the implant did not actually exist. It was a concept, not a real device. In addition, it wasn't really a phone -- it was more like one of the Bluetooth earpieces commonly used today. It had no mechanisms for dialing, storing phone numbers or anything else that a phone can do, other than relaying sounds to the listener. The theoretical implant's design didn't even allow the user to speak to the party on the other end of the line. In other news today Anonymous Coward has built the worlds first teleportation device. Actually its not really a teleportation device nor does it do anything that a teleportation device should do. Well... Actually it doesn't exist. For the demonstration purposes a catapult was used to move matter from one place to another.
  45. Seriously, Doc..... by IHC+Navistar · · Score: 1

    Me: "No, seriously, Doc..... The voices really *are* in my head....."

    Doctor: "Sure they are."

    Me: "No, I'm not kidding."

    Doctor: "Well, then. Tell me, what are these voices telling you?"

    Me: "The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl."

    Doctor: "Sure they did....."

    (brief buzzing sound)
    (two big burly guys in white coats burst in through the door and drag me off to a padded room)

    ----------

    Man, talk about being able to get into someone's head!

    Now offering: Bank By Brain

    --
    Knowing Google's lust for data collection, the Soviet Union is still alive and well inside the psyche of Sergey Brin....
  46. Hedwig and the Angry Inch? by taursir · · Score: 1

    This sounds like a scene out of the DVD's extended features, in which the manager gets a phone implanted in her teeth. It gets screwed up somehow though and she can't hang it up, so somehow is hearing a constant dial tone/Please Hang up and Dial Again notice.

  47. Vibrating Cavity? by ShrapnelFace · · Score: 1

    Yeah-

    Can you imagine how painful every cavity you get will be with all that vibrating going on in your mouth?

    And can you imagine the deductible charge on your molar if you swallow the device?
    I mean I already have a problem with dropping my cell in the urinal when I forget to shift my phone to the back of my waste band- 3 phones at $50 a pop, and now I'm allowed no more...

    Also- wont this make diagnosing schizophrenics harder? I mean I could be walking down the street talking to myself and no one would know the difference.

    "Honey! Hey Honey! I got Mom on the phone here. What? NO! Shes on my Molar! yeah, she said the casserole last night was crap- she's insisting that you never, EVER, do that again."

    One more thing- I wonder how conference calls would work? And how do you put that on mute?

  48. LARD - Can God Fill Teeth? by computersareevil · · Score: 1

    You call yourself geeks, but a posting on wireless devices in teeth and not one mention of LARD?

    Where's the pliers.
    GOD DAMMIT! Where's the pliers?!?
    WILMA! Where'd you put my electric drill.
    This is all coming out right now. TODAY!

    AAAAAAAaaaaaaggggghhhhh!!!!

    Jello Biafra and Alien Jorgensen forever...

  49. I want wheels, not a cellphone. by Precio-Venta · · Score: 1

    I think that bether than cellphone,..., I want replace me legs for wheels and twinturbo v6 motor.