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8 Reasons Not To Use MySQL (And 5 To Adopt It)

Posted by Zonk on from the for-every-product-turn-turn-turn dept.

Esther Schindler writes "Database decisions are never easy, even — or maybe especially — when one choice is extremely popular. To highlight the advantages and disadvantages of the open-source MySQL DBMS, CIO.com asked two open-source experts to enumerate the reasons to choose MySQL and to pick something else. Tina Gasperson takes the 5 reasons to use MySQL side, and Brent Toderash discusses 8 reasons not to. Note that this isn't an 'open source vs proprietary databases' comparison; it's about MySQL's suitability in enterprise situations."

2 of 288 comments (clear)

  1. Re:Uh, oh. The pro mysql guy can't count. by Mattintosh · · Score: 5, Funny

    The pro-MySQL "guy" can't pee standing up, either. "He" is a she.

    The anti-MySQL guy is Canadian, though, so he probably doesn't pee standing up either. Lots of beer -> floor -> bladder evacuation. I kid, I kid...

  2. Re:oooo, goody by DysenteryInTheRanks · · Score: 5, Funny
    A nice flame war. I'm just going to sit back, crack a beer and enjoy it. It is almost memorial day weekend, you know. Hopefully it get hot enough in here to roast a hot dog.

    Oh goody! I'll help get things going:

    • MySQL users will have to wait until you are done with the fire before they can roast their hot dogs, since MySQL is not a real database and does not support concurrent roasting;
    • I've read the PostgreSQL manual eight times and still can't figure out something as bloody simple as roasting a hot dog, though I did figure out I have to call VACUUM before I can apply ketchup;
    • Serious enterprises who care about their hot dogs use Oracle, since you can roast over 10,000 dogs at once and optionally impart the taste of filet mignon;
    • If you try to roast a footlong hotdog using MySQL it will silently truncate it to regular size, causing your child to cry;
    • Oracle will sue you if you complain about the difficulty of starting your fire or the blackened taste of the dogs;
    • With SQLite your hot dogs are pre-roasted;
    • Last year on Memorial Day, mysqld leapt out of my MacBook Pro and pushed my cousin into the fire, resulting in third degree burns. And also it causes cancer. And terrorism. Blindness. Violent puppy death. BOO! MYSQL IS SCARY DON'T USE MYSQL!!


    Happy Memorial Day!