Slashdot Mirror
Microsoft's Acoustic Caller ID Patent
theodp writes "A new patent granted to Microsoft Tuesday for automatic identification of telephone callers based on voice characteristics
covers constructing acoustic models for telephone callers by identifying words or subject matter commonly used by callers and capturing the acoustic properties of any utterance. Not only that, it's done 'without alerting the caller during the call that the caller is being identified,' boasts Microsoft in the patent claims."
I dunno how useful this is. I usually just recognize the voice myself. Our wetware has some wonderful capabilities.
Brilliant!
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
I had no idea someone I might call might be able to indentify me.
... but it works as well as their speech recognition. Between this, face recognition and kill drones OBL will be found and exterminated early and often. I hope it's not me next.
The programmers put in an Easter egg, just for you. Whenever Twitter says "shit" into his cell phone, the official Microsoft transcript has "M$".
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
To patent anything, follow these steps:
1. Choose something already being done in the real world, anything really
2. describe it with maximum verbosity
3. add "on the Internet" at the end
Tada! PATENT!
NSA has had real-time voice ID since before '96 and possibly longer. How MS got this patent is beyond me. Our system is soooooooo broken
I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
Me: "Thank you for calling, may I have your store's telephone number, area code first please?" ... Yes, sometimes it is really fucking hard for the jackasses to even listen to what you ask? Like I wasn't clear about what I needed, and like you didn't know what it was either.
Dumbass: "Yes, this is **** from the "
Me: "Your phone number?"
Dumbass: "Oh, it's ###-###-####"
Q-TIPS PEOPLE! FUCKING USE THEM!
My name is Werner Brandes, my voice is my passport. Verify me.
...it's done 'without alerting the caller during the call that the caller is being identified.
...Sometimes...when the phone rings...
...I answer it...and just listen...
...I hear the caller's voice and identify them by their voice...
...Then hang up without saying anything.
How insidious!
What. Is. The. Difference.
"The hot chick with the Uzi... can I get her phone number?"
"So after all this, you make my case for me. To end this stalemate, you must die..."
Isn't that why they ask for my account number?
Good Lord, no. They ask for your account number just to irritate you because both you and the person you're talking to know damn well you had to key in your account number just 2 minutes ago.
ZuluPad, the wiki notepad on crack
me: hello?
caller: Hello, I'm Suzi Cheatem from Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe. I was wondering if you'd like to answer a few questions about your behaviour while using the Internet.
I think hrm, this sounds like one of those annoying telemarketers
me: Sorry, I'm not interested in speaking to telemarketers
caller: It seems like you have identified me from a previously identified acoustic model. I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell Microsoft that you have stolen their idea. You can expect a bill from them within two weeks.
<hangs up>
Gosh, those telemarketers get stranger every time they call me.
Ask me about repetitive DNA
I dunno how useful this is. I usually just recognize the voice myself.
Ah ha! Prior art!!