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The Postal Movie is Really Bad

Posted by Zonk on from the those-poor-men dept.

Chris Kohler and Chris Baker of Wired had the deeply unfortunate task of watching Uwe Boll's latest affront to cinema and gaming: Postal. Kohler has a rundown on the exceedingly strange movie and its premiere. "Boll seems out to shock his audience into stunned disbelief rather than actually entertain them. Early in the movie, we get a long, leisurely shot of a fully nude Foley scratching his reproductive organs. I don't want to sound like I personally was offended or shocked by anything. In fact, the only time I laughed was during the movie's opening sequence, a comedy skit in the cockpit of one of the September 11 airplanes (they're fighting over the number of virgins they get in Paradise). It was legitimately well-paced and funny. But it was followed by 90 minutes of flat jokes." Baker has a much more in-depth look at Boll and the film's background ... if that's something you really want to hear about.

15 of 87 comments (clear)

  1. I... by TellarHK · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ... I really, really don't know what words can be used to describe what I just read. Really. I don't. September 11th and Nazi gold jokes are bad enough, but is the world really ready for a movie featuring Dave Foley scratching his fully exposed balls?

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    1. Re:I... by UbuntuDupe · · Score: 4, Funny

      In fairness, George Lucas scratching his fully-exposed balls would have been an improvement over the Prequels.

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      Apology to Ubuntu forum.
    2. Re:I... by evwah · · Score: 2, Insightful

      except that after foley scratches his balls, there is still a terrible movie that follows

      so how would you feel if you had to watch george lucas scratching his balls and then watch episode 1 immediately after in all of its jar-jar glory? the word suicide comes to mind.

    3. Re:I... by ConceptJunkie · · Score: 4, Funny

      In fairness, George Lucas scratching his fully-exposed balls would have been an improvement over the Prequels

      Isn't that more or less what the Prequels were?

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  2. This is not news. by mdenham · · Score: 5, Funny

    I mean, it's about an Uwe Boll movie. Of course the movie sucks!

    1. Re:This is not news. by mdenham · · Score: 3, Insightful

      seriously, who pays for his crap? My guess is people who are into doing re-enactments of MST3K.
    2. Re:This is not news. by rar · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I agree that a bad Uwe Boll movie is not news. What actually is news is the interesting number of positive reviews that surfaced when the Postal movie was aired during the Cannes movie festival! Look here:

      Twitchfilm review.

      Fright review.

      The Feed review.

      In contrast to the Wired review, I think this is news! (I actually tried to submit a story about it just after the Cannes festival, rejected, bla bla). I think this might mean the Wired comments could be subjective, rather than objective truth (as the badness of preview Uwe Boll movies have been...).

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    3. Re:This is not news. by despisethesun · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I think it's worth noting that Seanbaby was supposed to fight Uwe, too, but Uwe pussied out when he found out that Seanbaby is a trained MMA fighter. He's a big toughguy when he's fighting your average internet dork but if someone actually knows how to fight, he's nowhere to be found.

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  3. I hear a sequel is in the works by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Goatse, The Movie. I hear the directors cut will include three hours of extended footage added to the already lengthy 2 hour and 30 minute film. I also hear he borrows extensively from Gus Van Sant.

  4. Of course its bad its Uwe Boll by grapeape · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Uwe Boll is the only director who can make the average Troma film look like high art. Has he ever made a decent film? If the news that there is Postal movie wasnt bad enough, gamers can look forward to having Dungeon Siege, Legacy of Kain and Far Cry are all due to get the Boll treatment soon enough. After House of the Dead, I refuse to see them in theatres, refuse to rent them, definately refuse to buy them, if more did the same maybe studios would get the hint and stop giving this bozo money.

    1. Re:Of course its bad its Uwe Boll by Minwee · · Score: 3, Funny

      When it comes to the body of work that is Uwe Boll, I think that Howard Tayler put it best:

      I'm serious. If I find out that you went and saw this film after I told you not to, I'll phone your friends up and tell them to go to your house and pour ants in your bed. And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you'll think "at least I'm not still watching BloodRayne."

    2. Re:Of course its bad its Uwe Boll by Asmor · · Score: 3, Funny

      Be on the lookout this summer for a trilogy of fantastic new Uwe Boll movies including:

      Custer's Revenge
      ET: The Video Game: The Movie
      Street Fighter: The Movie: The Video Game: The Movie

    3. Re:Of course its bad its Uwe Boll by mwvdlee · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I'm surprised that game studio's let him direct those movies. I'm sure it's a commercial decission and Boll is probably the cheapest director they can find but really; if you have any pride in product you made, why would you let Boll touch it?

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  5. I saw this coming by jollyreaper · · Score: 2, Funny

    Who would think a movie about the US Postal Service would be exciting? Puhleeeaze. What's that, TFA? No. I didn't read it. Why do you ask?

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  6. Sucky director and total asshole by WiiVault · · Score: 2, Insightful

    The thing that makes Uwe Boll movies even worse than they already are is his dickish attitude. Lets not forget that he got into a boxing match with some of his most disliked movie critics, but only after denying them the training he had promised, as well as screening out the few with real experience. So he is a totally talentless asshole whose sole job it is to ruin franchises that we all hold dear. Germany really has to stop subsidizing him- it really makes a mockery of the the tax break meant to fund "art".