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Shaolin Monks May Sue Over Tale of Defeat by Ninja

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the bit-of-a-switch-up-from-the-usual dept.

Socguy writes "A unique story on the CBC website details an even more unusual conflict. A Chinese Shaolin temple has demanded an apology from 'an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown.' A letter from the members of the temple, posted on the Internet on Thursday, denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters. Monks from the temple, which is located in the Songshan Mountain region of the Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology."

16 of 284 comments (clear)

  1. Someone by evanbd · · Score: 5, Funny

    Someone just won at Internet trolling.

    Hear that, Slashdot trolls? When you get written up by Reuters, that's when you've arrived.

    1. Re:Someone by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Naw, when you get your target to make threats of legal action in front of other people you win. This is an example of a troll achieving satori. I just pray that, like the Buddha, the troll in the story is content to return to our level and help the rest of us achieve enlightenment.

  2. In addition... by mdenham · · Score: 5, Funny

    The monks also stated that this alleged ninja must be produced for execution by means of the five-point palm exploding heart technique.

    1. Re:In addition... by thej1nx · · Score: 5, Funny
      This just in :


      Allesged Ninja has started training to master the One-point forearm indestructible defensive shield of Heavenly protection technique to counter the five-point palm exploding heart technique attack!

      Pirates have issued an official statement claiming "they will still manage to get both of the other parties, although they are not sure about the role of monks in the conflict! Arrrrr!"

    2. Re:In addition... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Mod parent down, (Score: -1, Misremembering Fictional Kung-fu).

      Shaolin monks don't know the five point palm exploding heart technique, which is why Pai Mei was able to use it to massacre a Shaolin temple. Only Pai Mei knows the technique and he teaches it to no one. That is, except...

  3. Of course it's untrue. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ninjas couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper sack.

    This is just a cover story to draw attention away from the fact that several Shaolin Temples, were in fact, recently plundered by pirates.

    Pirates rule.

    1. Re:Of course it's untrue. by ByteSlicer · · Score: 5, Funny

      They were plundered by copyright infringers. Sheez, when will you people learn...

  4. just a warning to others by choseph · · Score: 5, Funny

    They're just threatening early to discourage people from getting the truth out about the Chuck Norris showdown.

  5. Next time... by tcdk · · Score: 4, Funny

    1. Record the event
    2. Post on YouTube
    3. Have Large TV network steal it
    4. Post that on YouTube
    5. Get sued by TV network
    6. Now you are a Pirate and can surely kick Ninja ass...
    7. Profit (if you win the lawsuit).

    --
    TC - My Photos..
  6. The case by FinchWorld · · Score: 5, Funny
    If that case ever gets any where I know I'd like to precide over it.

    "I'm sorry but theres only one possible answer to all this"

    Ninjas descend from ceiling and take a stance.

    "Round one! FIGHT!"

    [Much later]

    And then, just as it seemed the fighting would come to a conclusion, a ship flying a skull and cross bones moored at the local pier...

    --
    "I may be full of crap about this game, and I may be wrong, and that's fine." -Jack Thompson
  7. Some facts about Ninjas by o2sd · · Score: 5, Funny

    These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

    Facts:

    1. Ninjas are mammals.
    2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
    3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

    Especially note 3 above. The Ninjas probably just went to the Shaolin Temple to talk about tea n shit, and then they just totally flipped out and killed all the monks.

    Anyway, here is some more things about Ninjas.

    Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
    A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.

    Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
    A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.

    Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
    A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)

    --
    - Nothing to see hear.
  8. I'd hate to be "Five Minutes a Day" by bl8n8r · · Score: 5, Funny

    If he retracts his statement, he'll have a bunch of angry ninjas after him. If he doesn't retract, he's got a whole temple of kung-fu masters on his ass. I can't imagine a more troubling situation.

    --
    boycott slashdot February 10th - 17th check out: altSlashdot.org
  9. Re:I *so* have this one: by multipartmixed · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ballmer, in the temple, with the chair, at Tenagra.

    The beast at Tenagra.

    Stallman, with the hippy hair and the odor at Tenagra.

    The Beast and Ballmer and Stallman at Tenagra.

    Ballmer in the stomach.

    The Beast and Stallman on the Ocean.

    --

    Do daemons dream of electric sleep()?
  10. Re:I *so* have this one: by D-Cypell · · Score: 4, Funny

    Temba, his ass laughed off.

  11. Re:Better way to get the apology... by smallfries · · Score: 5, Funny

    I heard there was this one *LAWYER* who just totally flipped out and started sueing people. There was guys that weren't even involved and he sued them before they could even get ready. He even sued pirates...

    Remember:
    FACT - laywers are mammals
    FACT - laywers totally flip out all the time

    --
    Slashdot: where don knuth is an idiot because he cant grasp the awesome power of php
  12. Re:The Year is 2007 by E++99 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Well, if my kung fu education based on bruce lee movies serves, they have all renounced violence and are living in remorse for all the lives they've taken, and it will only be after this legal action fails at restoring their honor that they will be forced to once again use their deadly skills to their intended effect.