Slashdot Mirror
New Phone Wants to be Your Personal Trainer
coondoggie writes to tell us that a new prototype "Wellness Phone" has been developed. Designed to help users with everything from staying in shape to checking your breath, the new phone can measure things like body fat, pulse, and even stress level through a series of questions. "The companies are reportedly still testing some of the phone's more advanced technology, including a function to keep track of meals and calculate calorific intake, as well as a network capacity to let users share data. The companies haven't said when nor how much they will sell the phones. Plus it doesn't look like they be sold in the US anytime soon either."
What will this phone tell me?
My iPhone tells me I'm a faggot.
Nothing worse than a nigger that ain't housebroken.
Luckily, you don't last long in this business without learning a few tricks of the trade. So, without further ado:
1. When tired of being on top, have him scoot over to the edge of the bed and position one leg on the floor. This way you can use the leverage to go buckwild on his dick; your porn-star speed and agility will make him shoot in no time.
2. A well-time "Fuck me Daddy" does the trick.
3. Wrap your tits around his dick and slide them up and down.
4. Deepthroat him. This requires, of course, being able to deepthroat.
5. Stick your tongue way out and lick his balls like a puppy while looking up at him.
6. Play with yourself. Theatrically, not the way you do it alone. Especially effective while sucking his dick.
7. Play with his asshole. If reception is good, stick a finger up his ass.
8. Pull his cock out of your mouth and slap it against your face and tongue. Rub your face all over his dick like a satiny pillow.
9. Beg for a facial. "Please shoot your load all over my face" is like the Da Vinci code for unlocking splooge.
10. When all else fails, I spin an elaborate scenario about the girlfriend I'm going to bring next time. Close the deal by telling him how much you want to lick his cum off her tits.
If none of this stuff gets him off, he's gay. Or on drugs.
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